My DS saw a child get hit by a bus at the bus stop this morning... Now

[matis_mom]

This was absolutely a horrific morning in my neighborhood. First of all, it was raining and my neighbor offered to just take my son to the bus stop in her car. I said OK and my DS, who is 7, was upset that I wasn't going with him. I kindof hurried him along - he's been VERY clingy lately and I'm trying to minimize that.

 

About 5 minutes later - I heard tires screeching, a thud and blood curdling screams! I also heard my neighbor yell my sons name. I've NEVER run so fast in all of my life! Turns out she only yelled his name bc he had started to run towards the "accident" and she was yelling at him to get back in her car.

 

A 16 year old troubled boy had intentionally run in front of a school bus about 3 houses down from our stop. It was all visible from where we were. My neighbor and I had to make a quick call, along with the other parents still at our stop (one - a nurse and a couple others had gone over to help) to put our children on their bus or not. Their bus came about 3 minutes later and we made them get on it. Figured it will only be harder tomorrow and the next day if they didn't.

 

Well we werent expecting what happened next! Their bus got sandwiched between police cars and told they couldn't leave the scene! They also wouldn't let us take our kids off. They sat there looking at it for nearly 45 minutes!

 

My DS just looked like he was in a state of shock, which is typical for him. There will be ramifications later. I'm anticipating not much sleep for at least a week or two.

 

So my question is... given the anxiety and OCD with our kids, what would you do? I've already fought back all urges to go pick him up from school today. The psych already let me know she is with him (and others that were on the buses involved). She is REALLY good so I felt it was best for him to be at school today. If you had an average child - you wouldn't hesitate to hold them closer, right? Probably let them sleep with you for a couple days... But if I let him do that - he's likely to only want more and more of it, right? My son's biggest obsessive thoughts are death/dying and severe injuries And this is the first day I didn't go to the bus stop with him!

Talk about poor judgment from the police officers who let those kids just sit there and watch!!! Why couldn't they just move the bus that was not involved in the accident over so they wouldn't be sitting there???

I know very well how you feel. DD10 has been having lots of fears/anxiety. Well, yesterday dh and ds15 were working outside and long story short there was an accident involving a heavy log, the tractor, and my husband's leg sandwiched in between. DD10 was outside and saw it, it freaked her out. My husband did what he could so she would not see the leg... I was inside and ds15 comes in the kitchen saying "dad needs to go to the ER" DD10 was crying and all worried, but I had to go take him to the ER! He ended up having to be put under to get it cleaned well and stitched up. He needs to be there 2 days because it was almost to the bone (and he has a hairline fracture) so he needs IV abxs.

Anyhow, dd10 who had been doing better the last week is back to the questions and the fears!

On the bright side, PANDAS ds's comment was: "too bad it wasn't on a Sunday, he could have watched football! (We don't have cable at home )

So now dh is at the hospital, dd10 is requiring lots of reassurance, I have to keep an eye on ds15 who does not have any mental problems but was driving the tractor at the time of the accident so I need to make sure he understands it's not his fault, and I have to deal with PANDAS ds13 who is having a hard time getting anything done at all.

But, my approach is always to minimize things and just move on with life. I know my daughter would like me to hug her more and spend hours on end talking about stuff, but it does not seem to help much. I just can't deal with it any other way...

[tantrums]

Wow! So sorry about your DH!

 

Carter is sleeping now - very soundly it seems. Melatonin was given as usual but he was up until nearly 10 anyway so not a very good sign I decided to try him in his bed tonight for the sake of acting as if everything is fine and see how it goes.

 

My DH watched the kids while my neighbor and I drank much needed wine and decompressed ourselves while the kids couldn't hear us talk about it. So funny to hear her 5 year olds version as opposed to my 7 year olds. Her son was screaming crying and telling everyone he saw the boy under the bus and all of the blood. My son told everyone he saw nothing. The same school guidance counselor spoke to both of them, knew they were both right next to each other through the whole thing and told me "carter says he's fine and didn't see anything". He does NOT get it! This is why I go to the school pscyh who is WONDERFUL!!! As soon as Carter came home though, I saw the increased tics, he wanted to go watch the news crews and to watch the news, check online, etc...

 

He was drawing pictures of school buses tonight. Several of them as drawing is one of his obsessions. I will say - none had anything disturbing which is nice. But they all had HUGE bright red stop signs in front of them.

 

Neighbor and I are going to take the boys together in her car to the stop in the morning. We're more worried about others discussing the boy "jumping" in front of the bus in front of the children than anything else. They were told it was an accident and we don't want them hearing any other version.

 

I'm still so shaken and it's been well over 12 hours! I think I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop with my son. Maybe I'll be lucky though and he really WILL weather this well. I hope...

[matis_mom]

Wow! So sorry about your DH!

 

Carter is sleeping now - very soundly it seems. Melatonin was given as usual but he was up until nearly 10 anyway so not a very good sign I decided to try him in his bed tonight for the sake of acting as if everything is fine and see how it goes.

 

My DH watched the kids while my neighbor and I drank much needed wine and decompressed ourselves while the kids couldn't hear us talk about it. So funny to hear her 5 year olds version as opposed to my 7 year olds. Her son was screaming crying and telling everyone he saw the boy under the bus and all of the blood. My son told everyone he saw nothing. The same school guidance counselor spoke to both of them, knew they were both right next to each other through the whole thing and told me "carter says he's fine and didn't see anything". He does NOT get it! This is why I go to the school pscyh who is WONDERFUL!!! As soon as Carter came home though, I saw the increased tics, he wanted to go watch the news crews and to watch the news, check online, etc...

 

He was drawing pictures of school buses tonight. Several of them as drawing is one of his obsessions. I will say - none had anything disturbing which is nice. But they all had HUGE bright red stop signs in front of them.

 

Neighbor and I are going to take the boys together in her car to the stop in the morning. We're more worried about others discussing the boy "jumping" in front of the bus in front of the children than anything else. They were told it was an accident and we don't want them hearing any other version.

 

I'm still so shaken and it's been well over 12 hours! I think I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop with my son. Maybe I'll be lucky though and he really WILL weather this well. I hope...

Goodness, that's horrible that they had to see that!

I understand your concern about hearing another version, and it's great that you take him to the bus stop, but what's going to happen when the bus drives off? How about at school? Kids are going to be talking about it. It might be better to tell him the truth now. At least that way he will now that it IS safe to be around buses. The drivers are careful and always looking out. The stop sign is there to keep kids safe, people know to stop. How unfortunate, how hard to explain to a 7yo that anyone would purposely hurt himself. And thank God that boy is going to survive!!!

Hope this does not cause any significant set-back. Try to get some sleep!

[T_Mom]

Mati's Mom--I am so, so sorry. What a 24 hours you have been through--husband in the hospital, and children in need on all sides. I am so sorry--and hope the healing of your husband's leg goes smoothly and easily.

 

Tantrums, I hope your son gets a really good night of sleep--you all deserve it.