Question for Fellow OCDers

[Stardust]

Was wondering if any other o.c.ders here had an experience(s) as a child where they were bombarded with a "dangerous thought(s)". This could be a threat that someone made to you that you were continually afraid of that might happen. In other words, as a child you may have been terrified of a "threatening idea".

 

The reason why I ask is because I firmly believe that my o.c.d. directly relates to verbal threats that were made to me as a kid that terrified me, and as an adult, my way of "working this situation out" was to continually re-create situations where I am vulnerable to my own thoughts.

 

The reason why I KNOW this is true for me is because when I first entered psychotherapy years ago (around 1995) my pyschotherapist was still using Freudian psychotherapy, and after about 2 years of therapy, I entered what is considered the "transference" part: A part in psychotherapy that is extremely powerful, enlightening, but at the same time terrifying because it is the point in which the hidden delimna that I had been dealing with most of my life, completely came out in the actual therapy sessions. In my case, I was accusing my therapist of doing the same thing my mother did to me. She diagnosed me as "being very vulnerable to ideas". But at that time, I didn't have o.c.d. It came later. But I believe it was in its beginning stages then.

 

I had gone through many types of treatment methods for my o.c.d. - group meetings, in treatment programs, therapists, medications, etc. They were somewhat effective.

 

It hasn't been until recently that I have found that when I get into my o.c.d. "thinking" I now say to myself "I am just feeling vulnerable now" (as I did when I was a kid). It gives me a better understanding of where this came from and at the same time, gives me the ability to no longer to be totally powerless over being bombarded by "ideas" and to dismiss them easier.

 

Anyone else with anything similar?