Hi all!
This is my first time posting so I'll say Hi! and Thank you! for all your collective support and wisdom I have been drawing from!
My son just turned 9 and we have been dealing with PANDAS since he was 4. Of course, down here our first round of doctors/neurologist/psychiatrists/psychologists adamantly believed PANDAS didnt exist. Translation: they knew nothing about it so told us we were out of our minds. Happily, we persevered and have a great team, mostly up North - and have just started to see Dr. B in CT. My son also has Asperger's, so between the typical Asperger meltdowns and the PANDAS rages, we feel totally off the rails.
Starting last August (09) our sweet, bright, affectionate son once again started to backslide with great inflexibility (a "nice" way of saying oppositionality!) , tantrums, obsessing over computer etc;. He maintains beautifully at school but I literally could not get him to the car before he started to rage. Rages changed for us. They took on new, scary features, such as threatening to kill us, getting (butter) knives out of the drawer, acting possessed, swearing curse words I had NO idea he knew, let alone that he could be so sophisticated and creative with them. His pupils dilate and he talks in a really creepy voice. So yes, we slipped into the Exorcism Syndrome, though didn't have those words at the time. I and his younger brother had a strep infection in November that increased all of this, though we had Ben on weekly Zithro for a long time. We finally found out that he has contracted Lyme disease - which of course compounded everything. This sounds so cut and dry when I read it but it has been a living nightmare. All of our energy has been used to quell the rage, protect our 5 year old from it, live through them, try anything to help him contain them so he didnt hurt us or himself or his poor little brother.
We have not found a way to parent well through the rages. First of all, my husband finds it very difficult to see our son control it at school and when he gets what he wants etc; but not with us. The tantrum almost always follows a request for something that is denied, or a limit being set or a demand: ie: brushing teeth, getting dressed, turning off computer, not having another treat, I brought the wrong treat to pick up, anytime I say no. We are consistent but flexible, warm but firm, really knowledgeable at this point about all the challenges. Yet, it is so frustrating when the rage always follows these moments.b/c it still strikes the chord of a spoiled kid not getting what he wants. We KNOW thats not it, but it still pushes buttons, as does the disrespect and nasty name calling etc;.
So this is my question:
1. How do you protect any siblings from the rages and how do you explain it? How do you think it is effecting them?
2. How do you NOT lose your temper when it is the bazillionth rage of the day, you can get nothing done, the sibling needs you, and you are being "beaten up" verbally and sometimes physically? We end up bringing our son to his room, after giving him several options, and eventually if he cant stop hitting or hurting me or saying evil things, I close the door and hold it - which makes him insane but eventually it allows him to quell and return to a semi-normal state where he is soooooo sad and apologetic and says the most self hateful things no matter all my assurances and understanding. We tell him he's loved, that this is a brain sickness we are trying to heal, that we understand it feels out of his control, that nothing he can do or say changes our love for him, to remembe rthe imtes when he is his true self and this doesnt happen - etc etc.
There ARE times when we just lose it - and feel BEYOND guilty afterwards.
I would appreciate any stories, techniques, support anyone can offer. I feel so isolated even though I have many friends and family who care, but no one can relate to this bubble of torment we are currently living in.
Thanks in advance-
Steph