Jessieluvsseashells

I hope someone reads this soon....I totally understand how you feel. My name is Jessica and I've had OCD since as long as I can remember. Interestingly enough, when I was a little girl, I was just as attatched to my mother as I have been to previous and my now current bf. I had to be with her all the time and I was alwys getting thoughts AND IMAGES in my head that she was going to die. I had to go everywhere with her to make sure that if she died, I would die with her so that I wouldn't be alone. I was always suspicious that she was keeping somethnig from me about how maybe she was diagnosed with Cancer and she was just trying not to tell me. I would have to ask her over and over again if she was sick and was just trying to hide it from me. Now, I get to experience it with my bf's. It started when I was 17 and had my first serious relationship which lasted for 2 and a half years. I had images and thoughts of my bf cheating on me, or thinking that I wasn't good enough for him and I always thought that he was mad at me for something, I didn't keep it from him at all, becuase I thought he was understanding and would love me unconditionally. He was supportive for the first year and a half, then he began to put me down for how I was and he eventually cheated on me. He was a scum bag. I don't blame myself for him cheating on me at all, but if I COULD do things differently, I would have tried not to tell him as much as I did. I think it is important to do what one of you said that you do- "Try to handle the thoughts, rationally on your own, first, and then if you feel its still bothering you and its worth talking about with him, talk about it, camly and rationally," (much easier said that done). 3 boyfriends later, at 23 years old, I'm still struggling with the same bf OCD that I've struggled with as a teenager, and being cheated on has made it 10 times worse. Althoguh I didn't even really love the other 3 bf's I had, I still was tormented by the same thought patters. I have met the man of my dreams, and I am struggling terribly. Whats harder, is that I keep most of my suffering inside, I don't want to reveal to him too much, and when I see his face. its like there's a knife sticking out of the center of my chest that he can't see, but I can feel 100% and I can't let him know. I know what one of you on here meant when you said you wanted to die. I've been with him for almost 8 months, and now he tells me that his dirty, scummy, friend WHO HAS CHEATED ON HIS SOON TO BE FIANCE SEVERAL TIMES is about to propose...which means...BACHELOR PARTY. I have always been TERRIFIED at the thought of those things, just becauise I feel like its the one day when morals are completley absent, and men are allowed to cheat on their significant others. My boyfriend's friend used to ALWAYS go to strip clubs, so I'm certain that this is where his bachelor party will be. WHAT DO I DO??? My friends are tired of hearing about my OCD over the years, even my own mother, and I HAVE NO ONE! What do I do!? IAM GETTING IMAGES OF MY BF GETTING LAP DANCES AND MAKING OUT WITH STRIPPERS AND THEY WONT STOP. Or I'll get questions in my head like, "What if he had the bachelor party in Vegas? What if he goes to his friend's bachelor party, What if I end up trying to tell him he CANT go and he dumps me?.......I'm so lost...Do people like me ever get married? Is there hope for me?

I hope someone reads this soon....I totally understand how you feel. My name is Jessica and I've had OCD since as long as I can remember. Interestingly enough, when I was a little girl, I was just as attatched to my mother as I have been to previous and my now current bf. I had to be with her all the time and I was alwys getting thoughts AND IMAGES in my head that she was going to die. I had to go everywhere with her to make sure that if she died, I would die with her so that I wouldn't be alone. I was always suspicious that she was keeping somethnig from me about how maybe she was diagnosed with Cancer and she was just trying not to tell me. I would have to ask her over and over again if she was sick and was just trying to hide it from me. Now, I get to experience it with my bf's. It started when I was 17 and had my first serious relationship which lasted for 2 and a half years. I had images and thoughts of my bf cheating on me, or thinking that I wasn't good enough for him and I always thought that he was mad at me for something, I didn't keep it from him at all, becuase I thought he was understanding and would love me unconditionally. He was supportive for the first year and a half, then he began to put me down for how I was and he eventually cheated on me. He was a scum bag. I don't blame myself for him cheating on me at all, but if I COULD do things differently, I would have tried not to tell him as much as I did. I think it is important to do what one of you said that you do- "Try to handle the thoughts, rationally on your own, first, and then if you feel its still bothering you and its worth talking about with him, talk about it, camly and rationally," (much easier said that done). 3 boyfriends later, at 23 years old, I'm still struggling with the same bf OCD that I've struggled with as a teenager, and being cheated on has made it 10 times worse. I have met the man of my dreams, (the other 3 were losers, and I dumped them!) and I am struggling terribly. Whats harder, is that I keep most of my suffering inside, I don't want to reveal to him too much, and when I see his face. its like there's a knife sticking out of the center of my chest that he can't see, but I can feel 100% and I can't let him know. I know what one of you other girls meant on here whenyou said you wanted to die. I've been with him for almost 8 months, and now he tells me that his dirty, scummy, friend WHO HAS CHEATED ON HIS SOON TO BE FIANCE SEVERAL TIMES is about to propose...which means...BACHELOR PARTY. I have always been TERRIFIED at the thought of those things, just becauise I feel like its the one day when morals are completley absent, and men are allowed to cheat on their significant others. My boyfriend's friend used to ALWAYS go to strip clubs, so I'm certain that this is where his bachelor party will be. WHAT DO I DO??? My friends are tired of hearing about my OCD over the years, even my own mother, and I HAVE NO ONE! What do I do!? IAM GETTING IMAGES OF MY BF GETTING LAP DANCES AND MAKING OUT WITH STRIPPERS AND THEY WONT STOP. I'm so lost