Hi,
I hope that you are still visiting this site and can reply. I would love to know how to heal our lives. My boyfriend has AS and has not had any help or support. At first we disregarded it as a source of our arguements. We have been together for 9 months and it feels like years! It's emotionally draining and very stressful. My life got really hard when I met him. But I love him and he's vulnerable and needs a friend. I have studied about AS and given him a small list each week of things to try, so he can reduce his stress levels. Leaving space in his calendar is one thing, as he usually over loads himself and ends up doing nothing.
I hope I can help him but I also feel my needs are not being addressed. During our task write ups of 'how to help make other people feel happy/appreciated' he chose to compiment someone from Uni (we are both nearly 30). We had previously spoken about how I feel I am not being looked after or that I am not happy. I said it was a wonderful thing he chose to do and it of course stayed on the list..
Later when I asked him about the washing up he promised to do, he got angry and said that I "never think about his needs" - he feels I am trying to take him away from his 'tasks' whenever I ask if he wants to spend time with me, or when I try to be blunt and ask him to cook me a meal, because it's usually me. He seems only interested in things that benefit him, he hasn't space for me in his life. He is also now depressed again after getting better from 10 years of it.
I have tried really hard to stick to the 'rules' of AS advice, but if 1 out of 10 things I say, may involve asking him for something for me, he seems to get angry and blame me..for so much. He blames me for his stress. I have been proud to say I have never lashed out on him but today I pushed him and pounded on his chest when he said I never think of him...because I have spent days studying and planning and thinking of him to the point where it drained me - I tried ignoring my feelings of hurt when he unintentionally hurt me...the life is sucking out of me because I try so hard but am left feeling unappreciated, unloved and hated.Today I was curled up in a ball on the bed, crying whilst he stood over me, shouting and telling me how I 'change rules' - but he just doesn't understand the rules. If I can't explain an emotion, it gets discounted. He does things I beg him not to do because he discounts my feelings.
Some people write 'success' stories...about how their partner doesn't do this or that, but never mind, they get their 'love' from their friends, and at least they are stronger etc....I don't want that. I want my boyfriend to support me when I'm sad, to give back when I am drained. Is this actually possible? I have friends but I believe your best friend should be your partner. I am trying to be this perfect person but end up feeling like an 'Over-Emotional freak' guilty of feeling sad. I can't find a single counsellor in the South of the UK who can do couples counselling and AS. One or the other.
Please help me
Hey, im in the same situation pretty much - i've been going with my boyfriend for 8 months, and he has high funtioning a.s. It's extremely tough alot of the time, and I usually find myself thinking about quitting because it can be frustrating half-living with someone who's got so little understanding about how you feel, what your likes/dislikes are and what things put you off that he does. I can relate with alot of your experiences with your bf, eg. discounting your feelings if you can't give an acceptable explanation or feeling unloved/neglected sometimes because he spends so much time with his hobbies and interests. (in my case, his is cars,bikes,geography,history,politics.. so the rants are *pretty darnn boring*... and what's worse he can't even tell when my facial expressions tell him 'ok that's enough, now let's talk about something fun'.
Just wondering, have u heard of Relate? They are councillors who specialise with couples with whom one or two partners have a.s. Also wondering..are you still with him?? Wb :-)
