I've suffered from OCD since my early teens. In those days it was quite severe. To the extent that I was a bit of a spectacle, constantly washing my hands, checking my shoes, generally unable to move freely without some compulsion. Over time I started to develop ways to deal with it. For 30 years those worked pretty well. Times of high anxiety would, of course, trigger loss of control and it would get harder to deal with.
About 15 years ago I was in a brief relationship with someone I loved dearly. I've loved this person since the day I met them, even though I eventually married. I did love my wife but never to the extent I loved this other woman. When she and I broke up, I went into a severe depression. A nice side-effect of the anti-depressant was that it helped control my OCD. After about a year, I was able to go off medication and manage my OCD myself.
Recently, she has come back into my life. At first I wasn't too anxious. Over time, especially after we made love for the first time in years, my anxiety we through the roof. Consequently, my OCD has was well. I'm finding myself obessed with the relationship. We live kinda across town from each other so I can't see her often. She just started a new job too so where as we use to talk daily, we hardly talk much now. She tells me everything I need to hear. She's sorry about leaving before. She always considered me the love of her life and wants us to get to know each other. She loves me with all her heart. All things she never said to me before. Yet, I'm constantly afraid she's going to leave again. When we're not speaking I'm virtually manic with anxiety.
I've tried a few meds and my dr. is helping me find what will hopefully work. I've moved also into therapy. I'm shunning SSRI's for now, due to side effects. I'd rather find the tools to self-manage augmenting that with anxiety medication. I'm not sure if this is the answer but I'm hopeful. I don't want to lose this person as I love her more than anything.
