Found this thread via a Google search for coconut allergy... I have a severe coconut allergy, and unfortunately the cocamide present in most liquid soaps and shampoos sets it off. Although I find synthetic cocamide is somewhat less irritating than the natural stuff, it is still a problem.
The one shampoo I have found that does not contain coconut-related ingredients is Paul Mitchell's baby shampoo. This Amazon link lists the ingredients as:
Ingredients: Water/Eau Aqua, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Cetyl Betaine, Polysorbate 20, Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose, Bisamino Peg/Ppg-41/3 Aminoethyl Pg-propyl Dimethicone/Hedychium Coronarium (White Ginger) Extract/Peg-12 Dimethicone, Echinacea Angustifolia Extract, Bisabolol, Ganoderma Lucidum (Mushroom) Stem Extract, Trametes Versicolor (Mushroom) Extract, Stevia Rebaudiana Extract, Disodium Phosphate, Sodium Phosphate, Quaternium-15, Fragrance/Parfum, Benzyl Benzoate, Benzyl Salicylate, Hydroxycitronellal.
It's the one shampoo I've found that doesn't leave my scalp with a chronic itchy rash. As long as one has the patience to read ingredient labels, coconut free conditioners are somewhat easier to find.
In terms of regular soap, I tend to use Cetaphil for washing hands, face, body, etc. It's very simple and non-irritating, cheap, widely available, and the white-labelled/own-brand drug store equivalent is usually another good coconut-free option. High end natural or luxury bath products tend to be teeming with coconut derivatives.
michaelg - depending on where you live there may be a lot of coconut oil or palm oil in the restaurant food you've encountered. As noted by another poster, a lot of vegan and vegetarian food contains coconut products, and palm oil is often a cheap generic 'vegetable oil'. My experience has been that this tends to be worse in Europe than in North America; the best solution is to eat at high end restaurants that use only olive oil, and to ask your server to check with the chef...
