Duckily

Hi, I am also new and actually signed up because I had a few question that someone might be able to answer and I was kind of hoping that maybe even someone had some of the same feelings that I have. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and 2 months now and when our relationship began everything was great and I had no problem with other women or anything of the sort. After about 5 or 6 months I started to become really self conscious and didnt even like it if there was another woman in the room. so here I am now, 18 years old and I cannot even stand my boyfriend seeeing a nude woman on television. I know that this is ridiculous in every way, but I just cannot help how I feel. I have told him multiple times to leave me and find someone better and he just wouldnt have it, so I threatened to leave him for his own good so that he didnt have to deal with my stupid problems, of course I did not want to leave him, I just felt that perhaps he would be better off without me. I feel very overwhelmed when he even says hi to another woman, whether he knows them or not. I get to the point where I am so nasty towards him because I feel so insecure and just like i am fat and ugly and no good to anyone at all. I have had self harm anger and depression problems when I was younger, now I just seem disturbingly jealous and feel as though I am worthless. I looked up some symptoms of stress and I believe that could be causing some real damage to me and my relationship. This guy is the best, We met two years ago when I was 16 and now we have been living together for about 5 months. I feel very guilty about how I treat him. He reassures me constantly and I know he would never do anything with anyone and he can be trusted, It just seems that I am in so deep that I cannot get out. I have very low self esteem. Back to the stress thing, I feel that perhaps that could play a huge part within m y problems. I have so many things to worry about all the time, recently it has been the question of where are we going to live and how are we going to support ourselves because we live with his mom and her boyfriend which is stressful enough. I also have an extremely jealous/controlling/rotten mother who hates my boyfriend because I always wanted to spend my time with him and not her when I lived at home, but if i would stay home one day to spend time with her she didnt want anything to do with me. She constantly brings me down, I truly cannot remember the last time I talked to my mom and didnt end up crying after. Also I have a horse that my grandmother boutght me that I have had for 3 years and I had to board her somewhere because I moved from the country to the city and have no place for her and the deal with that is I pay a portion and my grandmother pays a portion for me to keep her at the stable and I just got fired from my job and cannot find another so other people are having to help me pay which makes me feel really bad, also I dont know if I can keep my horse at this place for the winter so I am faced with the fact that I might have to sell my best friend whom I have a very strong bond with, and I do not have my license and EVERYONE harps on me to get it, but I do not have the experience because my mother would not bring me to practice and I have no one else to practice with, on top of that, my grandmother just bought me a car for graduation that I had no say in at all when I was supposed to be able to choose my own car, and that just makes me feel ungrateful and like if she knew she would be dissapointed. I dont know what to do about any of this, I suppose a lot of things I will have to straighten out on my own. As far as the jealousy, insecurity,low self esteem, possible depression,unhappiness, poor self image, negativity and stress I am pretty content. Also one last thing, my sex life has decreased severely since I started living with my boyfriend. We went from 2-3 times a day to 5 days a week and he seems to be acting a little strangely, I know hes not cheating and I wouldnt suspect that because of who he is, but I hope he isnt bored with me or starting to become less interested in me. could there be other reasons why he possibly would be acting differently? I just am a little suspiscous that he might have something else going on that is making him not want to or not feel like having sex with me. Thank you if you dare to read.