at71

yeah it does thanks. i am just coming to realize that maybe i still do things ... and just never acknowledged it to myself. so i can say it never overtakes me anymore but maybe it does now that im aware, i think i will probably catch myself i am lucky that the urges were silly and harmless but if the urges are still in me, im scared they could change and i want to be able to resist if they do. all of a sudden i feel like i can identify with horrible people because i remember how powerful the urges were i remember fighting them as a child and sometimes winning but there was no satisfaction in the win because if i acknowledged it to myself, it would come back . . so i just had to forget about it completely i dont lke doctors or medications ive been wanting to learn yoga so i think that is best for me and on the bright side we'd probably kick *ss at feng shui

i dont even think my parents were aware that something was wrong with me. i was telling my kid one day that i was weird as a kid and i could remember needing to balance movements of the left side of my body with the right side of my body and how the urge was so strong that i wouldnt be able to stop thinking about it until the 'ritual' was complete. i'd touch something with my left hand and no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt stop thinking that i had to touch it with my right hand also .. until i did it. it was a huge part of my childhood, so powerful ... always counting and making sure it was even. tap so many times with the left foot, now has to be the same # of times with the right. so my kid yells "I HATE YOU, THAT'S WHERE I GET IT FROM" i was shocked to learn that it was something genetic..... we laughed at our weirdness...... but i just assumed it was some sort of ocd and since i had eventually beaten it, and he said he rarely does it anymore, i wasnt concerned about it. so in an emal today, im telling a friend about my weird habit as a child and how now, i still feel like i need to balance things but not so much physically, it comes out in other ways..... aesthetically -- i do web design and it has to have a balance or it will jangle my nerves.. . or if i'm writing an article, there has to be a certain structure of balance throughout the article.... but the power behind the compulsion is still pretty strong.... i cannot allow the website to remain unbalanced looking..... it will just pick at me, i'll see it in my head and its not right. i'm sorry i havent done the proper research through the forum to see if my question was already answered but im a lil freaked out and i did try but i'm afraid i dont understand all the medical terms and their meanings. nobody ever said anything to me.. maybe i learned early to hide it because i dont remember feeling like any of the adults thought there was something wrong with me... i was mostly described as bratty but nobody says weird so now there is something wrong with me ? it might come back or i still have it but its different or i deal with it better ? i dont want it to overpower me again like it did when i was a kid ... it was totally thought consuming and so hard to resist