So I know that I've had ocd for a while now, but just recently it has been getting much worse. It all started with the "normal" obsessions...me having to turn the lights off and on 20 times or checking things constantly like if i put the toilet cover down, or only stepping on cracks while walking on the sidewalk...things like that. And even though those are bad enough, they at least were thoughts I had that were somewhat controllable. However, lately I have been having thoughts that are making me go crazy and that I can't seem to get rid of. These thoughts happen mostly around other people like when I'm at work, school, or just hanging out with friends even. I
know for a fact that I'm NOT a lesbian, but I keep constantly getting these thoughts that I should look at every woman's chest that I see. The thing is that I don't understand why I do this, and why I can't get rid of the obsession because my brain is not telling me to do these things because I'm attracted to woman...and if that were the case, I think I would know by now considering i'm 23. The thing is that I KNOW for a fact that I'm straight and have always liked guys for as long as I can remember. And I don't get these thoughts because i'm interested in "experimentation" with the same sex because that is not the case either. In fact, I would really love to have a boyfriend honestly, and it makes me miserable that I can't get rid of this obsession. The worst thing is that because of this obsession, my brain is constantly telling me no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing, to look at other girl's chests, so then because you know how when they say, the harder you try to not think about or do something, the more it makes you do it...well that's what's happenning to me. I'm so constantly afraid that I'm going to start staring at a woman's chest that sometimes I catch myself looking just because I'm trying so hard not to. It scares me though because I don't want people to think I'm weird or that i'm gay if I look at them the wrong way. I try so hard to get rid of the thoughts that they just get worse! It's even hard for me to hang out with my best friend at times because I'm afraid she'll catch me looking at her chest, but the thing is that looking at hers or any other girl's chest doesn't do anything for me. It's just a horrible obsession that I can't seem to get rid of, and it happens with everyone!!!! I also have the same obsession with looking at a guy down there, and even though I'm straight, this isn't normal especially when it happens with every guy I see, even ones i'm NOT remotrly attracted to!!!! Like I said, it's just a thought I get along with other sexual thoughts at times that I can't seem to control, and they are making me go crazy. It's gotten so bad to the point now where I don't even really like being around people anymore because i'm just afraid of what will happen if they catch me staring at them innappropriately. And I know that's not who I am because I've always loved being around people for as long as I can remember, and when my life was "normal", I never had any of these issues. Sorry this was so long, but is there anyone else who has this same problem? I thought I was alone with these thoughts until I found this site, but it's now relieving to know I'm not the only one in the world with these horrid obsessions. Also, I've tried telling my parents, but no matter what I say they don't seem to get it, and even though they try their hardest to help me and understand what I'm going through, they also tell me things like how they think I should be able to control what I'm going through on my own, but I can't. I just went back to my psychiatrist recently because of all of this, and I also just recently told my parents as well, even though I've been having the thoughts for over a year now. I told my parents only part of it though....not all of it. I was just too ashamed to tell them or anyone else for that matter before. Anyways, if there's anyone else that has these same thoughts, could you please let me know if you've faound a way to control them that might help me as well? I just really want to get better and to be "normal" again!!
