ariel

Carolyn, Thank you again. What you are saying is so true and is really helping me put my fears into perspective. I have spent a lot of time the last couple days reading the Bible, especially Corinthians, Romans and Philippians, and I'm feeling so much calmer. I think just sharing my problem on this forum really helped too. Reading it back to myself my fears seem so silly. I think you are exactly right what you said about self identity. I have always been known as nice and caring, so these thoughts really caught me off guard. I can barely get myself to squash a bug in my house! I've also been realizing that I need to give control over to God. I always saw myself as a calm, laid back person, until a few years ago when I went through something somewhat traumatic and completely out of my control. From then on I've become quite a control freak. I'm realizing that I can't control my thoughts and that realization is huge. When I'm not trying to control my thoughts, my obsessing isn't a problem. Thank you again for taking the time to respond and give me so much helpful information. I know that God puts these trials into our lives to make us stronger, and I hope that someday I can help someone else the way you have helped me. Sincerely, Ariel

Carolyn. I want to let you know that I read you post and it helped me immensely. Obsessive thoughts are hitting me at a time in my life when everything else seems to be going so well. About a year ago I had a few minor panic attacks. This was not my first bout with anxiety so my doctor prescribed Prozac. After starting it and looking it up on the internet I became terrified that it was going to cause me to become suicidal, like I read horror stories of. I loved my life but couldn't stop thinking "what if I became depressed and lose it". I immediately had my doctor switch me to another med which worked pretty well for about a year to calm my fears. Now I want to have a baby so I weaned myself off the med. Unfortunately my thoughts have returned and broadened to include thoughts of harming others. I am able to rationalize that I am not suicidal with the realization that I go to bed each night wanting to wake up the next day. However the fear of hurting others is proving to be harder to push out of my mind. The ironic thing is that I don't think I have ever physically or emotionaly hurt another person in my life, or really wanted to. My big question now is what's going to happen when I have a baby. I don't want to deal with thoughts of hurting my own children. I don't really focus on thoughts of hurting my husband because when they pop into my head they are just too ridiculous to me to entertain. I'm hoping that will be true with my kids also. I am a Christian and I am trying to become more involved with church and have more faith in God. Any reply would be appreciated Ariel