DESPERATE

I just wanted to thank you both for your responses and good advise. It really helps to even hear that this isn't me and that there is hope. This is the first time I have even been able to talk about it to this extent and it feels like a burden has been lifted off me. I had a bit of an outburst today as I was inundated with a lot of thoughts but am doing much better now...I'm exhausted though. Thank you again for your responses. Please pray that I get better as well. Dear Desperate, I totally understand the feeling of unwanted thoughts, having had them myself in the past. I felt intense shame and that I was a horrible person because I was thinking those thoughts on a constant basis. In reality the thought came into my mind, unbidden, and it caused me so much anxiety and loathing that I tried my best from then on to banish it from my mind, which of course, like Carolyn said, made it stick in my thoughts even more, to the point that is all I thought about all day long. I am a Christian too and so I was on a continual loop of, have the unwanted thought, ask forgiveness for the thought, have the unwanted thought, ask forgiveness for the thought, over and over again, all day long! My obsession was the bad thought, my compulsion, was asking forgiveness, or, "mentally washing my hands," so to speak, to cleanse myself. I want to tell you what the thought was, because it holds no power over me today, and it was pretty bad. That I would sexually molest a child. I began avoiding my nieces and nephews because my emotions of fear and anxiety were all tied up together and I became afraid I would do what those thoughts were saying. The next thought I had was to blaspheme the Holy Ghost, because it says every sin can be forgiven, except the sin of blaspheming the Holy Ghost. I finally figured out years later my mind was latching onto the two things, that in my mind were the worst things a person could possibly do, and because of my fear and loathing of them, making them giants in my mind! I only tried a few medicines for a short time, and I credit God and prayer with my freedom today! There were other things involved, like being a member of a strict church, and having lots of rules to follow, to supposedly, make me holy. When I started questioning those rules and God began setting me free from legalism, (trying to make myself worthy in his eyes,) that further helped my healing! I will not rule out meds, or alternative treatments, or whatever works, but I believe if you give the anxiety of having these thoughts over to God, you will be much speeded on your recovery! You are in my prayers, Kalinda

Thank you Carolyn, You cannot even begin to imagine how much your post means to me...May God bless you and give you a happy peaceful life ALWAYS. After writing this post I came on the website every couple of hours to see if anyone had responded and could tell me if this is a symptom of ocd as well, since I dont have the compulsions or even what most other people talk about, being wanting to kill someone etc or thoughts about themselves. I just have continuous thoughts about her, if she says soemthing bad about someone I'll think she's a terrible person and bad things will happen to her etc. If I hear the same thing said from someone else's mouth I wouldn'e eve n think twice about it. And sometimes you get so lost in these thoughts that you cant even think logically for a minute. I wake up every morning dreading the 'thoughts' I will have. I am always tired and lazy. All this really started when I was actually having a lot of work related stress. At the same time I was turning more towards religion and I started having bad thoughts with regards to that, which touch wood diminished after about a month. Also, I had betrayed my sister and told her something I had lied to her about for years at this time...it wasnt really anything HUGE but I felt really bad about it. These are the only events I can think of happenning before these thoughts started. Do you think they could be contributing. I will definetely try your steps and am SO SO SO greatful. Are you or have you ever taken any medications? Does the OCD or rather the thoughts increase with time? Since you have been following the steps you have given me, have you been able to ever truly ignore the thoughts or not have them and live a happy content peaceful life? Once again thank you SO much for all your help!

I am 25 years old and have been suffering for a little over a year. I am so over-whelmed that it is hard for me to compose this message so please excuse it if it is a bit incomprehensive. I suffer from intrusive 'thoughts' constantly. They are mainly about my family that means more to me than ANYTHING. I am closer to my sister than I can even express and for the past year I have constant thougts about her. I have read a lot of the posts on this and other websites about the kind of thoughts people with OCD have and my thoughts are not totally in sync with these. For instance I have constant thoughts about my sister being bad and everything being wrong with her. I also keep having thoughts that everything tht is wrong in my life is because of her. I have never sufferred from this before this last year. I hate these thoughts. I hate waking up in the morning because any time I see any bad person on tv i compare her to them and everytime i hear or see anything I compare her to them, if theyre doing something good, I have thoughts that she doesnt do it and shes bad and everything about her is wrong. I have thoughts that my life would be better if she werent in it Godforbid. I have thoughts if i dont want to go somewhere its because either she doesnt want to go or because i have her so i dont feel the need to go so I'd be more social if she wasnt here Godforbid. Even though she might have nothing against going to that place or I could and do go places without her but if I dont feel like going my thoughts automatically say its because of her. I'm really tired, tired of these thoughts and of my self. I sometimes tell her about these thoguhts and shes really supportive, tells me to go for counselling and try not to dwell over them but obviously noone has such high self esteem and they do get to her sometimes, when i keep saying everything about her is bad. i cant write more but would really appreciate some feedback, PLEASE!!! I know you cant make a diagnosis but does this sound like ocd to you??? will i ever be cured??? please please please help me...im desperate!