i don't want to go into detail i just want to know first if anyone else has something similar. i don't know if this is ocd or not but i "adopt" certain psychiatric disorders and obsess over them, study their symptoms over and over then look for ways they might fit me. i tell my therapist about these but most of the time she says "that's just crazy". but that's the problem. i'm convinced i am ''crazy" in some way. i also look for counterexamples if it is a disorder i really dont want to have. these thoughts wake me up in the morning, plague me when i go out, and keep me up at night.
on another note, i've always had little nervous ticks and stuff since i was about 2 or 3. when i was a toddler i would stick my fingers in my ears or in my bellybutton and make one of my parents pull it out. i've never told anyone about this but my mom is constantly reminding me. i guess she thinks it was cute or something. then when i got older i started counting steps. i would have to step twice with certain feet every other step or i would count the steps up the stairs or to the door or down the driveway. i would always have to make it an even number and the more even the steps were, the better. i know this is classic ocd stuff. but i didn't know that then i just thought i was a freak so i forced myself to stop doing it. now i just do stuff like grind my teeth or move my tongue in certain patterns. i also smoke, drink, bite my nails, sometimes pull my hair, obsessively check my body and face in the mirror, straighten things, pick scabs, and i cook when i'm nervous (lol).
but the big delimma is i don't know of ocd is just another one of my psychiatric obsessions or if it itself is the cause of all of these. anyone share these type of experiences? they are torturing me. running my life. please help.
