The Quirkster

I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 21 (I'm now 24) and persistent sexual thoughts have plagued me for a long time. I also experience violent thoughts as well. It seems to me that the more repulsive a thought is, and the more strongly the thoughts make you feel, then the more often they will come back. I have been doing CBT for over a year now. As my doctor says, you take two steps forward and one step back. Personally, I'm in the one step back part. But although I know that I will probably have my OCD all my life, with medication and CBT I can learn to live a normal life, eventually. At the moment, I'm struggling (see my "I'm Struggling" post. Fitting name, don't you think?), but OCD can be treated. I strongly recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT. It will help you to cope with your OCD.

I have been seeing doctors for four years for treatment of my OCD and only last year did I start doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I improved for a time, but have since slipped back and now find myself struggling more than ever. I know that CBT and medication is the best way to deal with OCD, but I'm still stuck in the mire. I haven't been able to work since February '06, and I'm hoping that I can learn to live with the OCD and have a normal life. But at the moment, I can't seem to find my way out. My psychologist says that in treating OCD you usually take two steps forward and one step back. Right now, I'm smack bang in the middle of the step back, and it feels less like a step and more like a lunge. I've been on all the different medications: Anafranil, Prozac, Zoloft, Lamictal, Lithium, Epilem, Effexor, Risperdal, and others. I'm on Zyprexa and Luvox at the moment and I'm just not seeing any difference. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am close to being hospitalised. I cry myself to sleep every night. Twice I have OD'd on sleeping tablets (On the first occasion I had to be taken to hospital), because I just wanted to sleep, to get away from the urges and the compulsions (Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, I never have been and the overdosing wasn't an attempt on my life). My family is so unbelievably supportive and I hate that they have to worry about me, and I hate knowing the pain they went through to see me in hospital after I OD'd. I can see that it is sucking the life from my Mum everytime she sees me screaming at the mirror while I clean my teeth and spit blood into the sink. Look, I just need some advice, words of encouragement, and any ideas on how to help myself and my family cope with this. I really appreciate it.

I have been diagnosed with OCD and all of the symptoms you guys have written about are classic signs of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, from my experience, anyway. Violent thoughts, sexual thoughts, especially thoughts that repulse you and make you feel sick and disgusting are symptoms of OCD. There is nothing wrong with these thoughts. Having these thoughts does not mean you are going to carry them out. My doctor told me that he felt safer with someone that had OCD and had violent thoughts than a normal person with violent thoughts because the violent thoughts are so repulsive to someone with OCD that they would never act on them. I know your suffering. The tapping, the checking, the fear that someone will be hurt if you don't do a particular compulsion, the counting. Want to know my numbers? They are: 1,3,5,6,7,9,10,12,15,16, 20-24, and from 30 up. The numbers in between are my worry numbers. If I tap something 8 times, I have to tap it one more time to make it 9. Of course, some numbers are safer than others. To me, 3 and 9 are the safest of all those numbers. Sorry, I've rambled on a bit. leigh, don't let your friend tell you what you're going through. Talk to your parents about seeing a doctor and ignore her complaints. Good luck, champ.