Here I am,one more time posting in ocd forums about feeling ugly.It seems pointless to do so though cause everyone's got their own so who's gonna advise who??
Anyway it feels a little bit better telling other people your problems.I'm feeling pretty ugly now and also have nothing to do so here's my story vrery briefly..
I was at the age of 4 when all started,I kept screaming about being dirty and I wanted my mom to keep washing me even when I just got out of bath.As I kept growing I still can't remember a single moment that I was not under the influence of my obsessions.My symptoms were never steady for a long time,I could jump from obsessions to compulsions to phobias and agoraphobia from moment to moment.When you start to realise that what you live is a pattern that keeps repeating you can develop skills to change the pattern but the pattern is always there you cannot avoid it.To cut a long story short I grew up with the ocd always by my side,I was a terrible student cause of the ocd but in fact I'm astraight A student.At 15 I started taking several drugs that I quit at the age of 18.In fact I was never addicted to anything cause ocd never let me enjoy anything.Ugly thoughts were always there when doing drugs and terrifying images made me think twice before doing it again.Cannabis made me expierience some of the most frightening panic attacks ever..Anyway I somehow managed to keep on with my life and in the process I visited several shrinks and pothetic psychologists,I was doing therapy with a psychologist for 2 years.I finally visited a brilliant psychiatrist and started taking SSRI'S for 5 years now.I finally got better and started going on with my life.I can't say that I'm 100% recovered but 98% is what I am.I in college now and that 2% is enough to make my life miserable.I'm doing chemistry and I cannot focus enough to do the calculations properly,it's so irretating I dropped college several times because of this and got back recently.No comparison with the past but I I'm still struggling to consentrate..
Anyone with similar consentration problem?
