I have been suffering from strange paranoid thoughts that every man I am surrounded by is attracted to me in some way, when i know in reality hats not the case. it happens when im in a social situation, like a store or resturaunt. My eyes become shifty and i get super focused on my appearance at the moment, like how my body is positioned, how my facial expression is. I take every glance or smile from a stranger as some sort of sexual advance towards me. i am obsessed with reading peoples body language, and its destroying my social life. I hate these thoughts. I sometimes believe my own father wants to have sex with me, and its made me want to avoid being around him at all times, which is hard because i live with him and my mom. im 21 years old, female, ive never been diagnosed with OCD mainley because i dont have insurance and cannot afford to see a professional about this, but after reading these posts, it sounds like i have something of the sort. Im not even sure if this is OCD, what ive been reading people say that they have unwanted urges towards others, where in my case i fear urges towards me. its made me become quite stand offish towards men who actually are interested in me, paticularly because i see them as a threat. I once d a long loving relationship, but it ended on mutual terms. i had lots of friends, my self esteem was good and i was flirty at times. Now I no longer have any sort of sex drive, the idea of sex angers me for some reason. I guess im ashamed of these feelings. My anxiety caused me to lose my job at a local pet store. i was unable to socialize with my male co workers for fear they wanted me, it made me act very strange and distant, and reluctant to communicate with them so i was fired. i have never been sexually abused or raped. I have a strong hatred towards other women, i simply see them as catty and unfriendly. The few men who i do trust as friends i still get unwanted thoughts about, thinking they are attracted to me. This is something that wont stop no matter how hard i try. Ive lost many friends from isolating myself in my room, and whats worse is im starting to fear sexual thoughts towards animals, which completely disgusts me. i cannot be around male dogs because i start thinking these deviant ideas that wont go away. I dont know what to do, i feel like a freak. An outcast whos not on the same wavelength as normal people. i desperately need help.
