hey,
I just started feeling this way and I cant believe i found this website. For a couple years when i was in middle school learning about gays, i thought i was. I couldnt get thoughts of being a lesbian off my mind. I prayed for the thoughts to go away and eventually they did. I have a lot of gay friends and i have tendencies here and there but nothing to be ashamed off bc its human and you just have to accept that they are just obsessive thoughts and that you have this entity that wont leave you alone. Ive always had a high sexual stamina. My sophomore uear in college i found out about downloading porn and masterbating- i got hooked and i felt awful about it. I got addicted to it- bestiality the works. I would get so stimulated my heart would race-i felt awful about it, i still watch it too though. I try to tell myself that its healthy and ok- guys do it and its fine, no one tells them they are sick.
Then, I did a report on sex trafficking and child trafficking for a paper and then i couldnt get the ###### thoughts out of my head about children. Ive always hated molesters and pediphiles, i could never understand why they would harm children. Then i did that paper and its all i could think about. Then the evil being came in my head and reptitively said youre a pediphile youre a pediphile. I would tell it shut up and leave me alone. I was coaching a girls team at the time and I loved these girls, i would never think of something like that about them. That stupid paper! The evil being would come to me and say things and I felt awful with these thoughts of these girls. It went away for a while, but now it wont leave me alone. Everytime i see children. And im great with kids- im a kid myself and ive always been so good with children. And now ######, im totally freaked bc of this stupid thought in my head. Listen, we are not pediphiles, we know its bad and i think its a fear factor or something, our minds can be very powerful and controlling. The fact that we know these are bad thoughts are a good sign. I think this entity thinks the worst things- fearful things and repeats in your head, its xxxx up. I am scared to and i wish i could erase it all but i think the best thing to do is remind yourself that you dont want these thoughts they arent who YOU ARE. YOu are good people and its the fears of evils of society or fears that you fear yourself that repeat in your head - not what person you are. Pediphiles are really xxxx up- they have a lot of emotional problems and have to act on them.. you dont- you are not sick people, please you arent. we are just people with stupid repitive thoughts that freak us out. Let me know what you think.
Hi i know exactly how you feel ive been like this now for 2 years and it is killing me, i just want to die everyday because i feel sick and disgusting for having these thoughts. I am a woman and i have a lovely boyfriend who is everything that i could want, but im plagued with unwanted sexual thoughts, i have thought about children, and my own family. It just makes me feel sick when i think stuff like this. I know that they are just thoughts but when the thought comes into my head the urge to think about it is so strong that i have to think about it if you know what i mean, and what i do be trying to do is make myself realise that i dont really feel like this and sometimes i cant. When i do realize it then i start to feel really guilty for having such terrible thoughts about my family, and that makes it start up all over again. I really need to stop this now because i want to have a normal happy life, my boyfriend knows that i have ocd, but he doesnt know about the unwanted sexual thoughts, i have also had thoughts of thinking that i wouldnt care if someone died and have told him about this, that problem isnt as bad as my current one, but it still happens to me sometimes. Im also afraid to have sex sometimes because those thoughts come into my head then also and i do be afraid that i like them, i know that i dont but you know yourself that when the thoughts come into your head it doesnt feel like that. Please help me, it does make me feel a bit better knowing other people feel the same as me, but i even feel guilty and worried after writing this because i have put all my worries into words for the first time and it is after making it even more real now for me.
