anonymous915

I always do the breathing thing, sometimes I just do it for no reason, not only to not think about my obsessions, but because it will bother me if I don't do it Well I still haven't talked to my mom about it, it's really hard, I really want to tell her but something won't let me. And I'm really really worried about my sexual orientation. I cry everyday because of it. What if i don't have OCD and I really am bi? What if I'm bi and don't know it? I'm going to try telling my mom. I'm going to start asking her a question like "Mom, have you ever completed a task just to got something off your mind?" and will continue with questions until I tell her. I hope it works, but I have to find the right time where I am comfortable with telling her. I'll post again after I have told her *cries* By the way, I feel uncomfortable talking to my mom about it, I'm scared that I'll be even more uncomfortable talking about it to the therapist (especially if it's a female because I'll start thinking disgusting things and feel gay). What have I done to myself?

Thanks for replying. I wanted to tell my mom but what if she thinks I'm weird? Because I used to have another obsession that I got through. I always used to tell my mom that I was going to die, I told her that everyday and she thought I was crazy until I stopped Do you need insurance to go see a therapist? Because we don't have insurance since we're not citizens of the US yet. We've only been here for 4 years. Also, does this mean that I'm bi/lesbian because I really don't want to be and sometimes cry about having these disgusting thoughts

First of all, I'm 14 (yeah, I know) and I'm a girl with a desperate need of help. One day, because I got so tired of having unwanted sexual thoughts, I decided to go online and do something that will take my mind off of them. There was this survey I was taking (just for the heck of it) that would decide if I had a disorder of some kind, not that I knew anything about any disorder I was just doing it for fun. After I finished the survey, I got Obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was a little curious about it so I want on wikipedia.org and typed the name of the disorder. When I started reading the symtoms I had about 90% of them, especially the fear of being bi/lesbian because I started having unwanted sexual thoughts about 3 weeks ago. I have the following symptoms: I count my steps sometimes, like I tell myself, I'm going to take 5 steps to the front door of my house for no apparent reason. I try to "cancel out" bad thoughts, like when I'm thinking of myself being with another female (which is disgusting to me but I still have the thought) I try to think of something that I want to think about (like something that makes me happy) to cancel out my first thought. An example of the next symptom is: if I'm in my room, I tell myself that I have to hold my breath until I reach the kitchen because if I don't something will happen to me. So basically I try to complete a task that will prevent something bad from happening and that if I can complete the task something that I want to happen will happen, like if I can do 3 cartweels perfectly then I'm going to pass a test at school. Unwanted sexual thoughts, they have been technically taking over my life. i don't let myself go to the beach because I will feel like a lesbian if I'm around girls with bathing suits, I don't listen to music that is sung by female artists, I don't like watching movies with female actresses in them, I don't talk to my friends because a disgusting thought will come up like "Oh my gosh, do I like her?" when I know that I don't. So, I don't go out often, I try to hang out with guys only and I'm just scared of being bi or a lesbian even though I have never liked a girl before. A need for both sides of the body to feel even. Like if I'm walking down the street and I step on a sidewalk crack with my right foot, I want to step on a crack with my left foot too, just because I want both sides to be even. Or when I crack my knuckles on my left hand, I feel like I need to do it on my right hand too or else it will really bother me. I'm also doing things by three's, like the cartwheel one I stated above. Before I thought I was doing them because it was my favorite number but now it's gotten out of hand. I sometimes feel like I need to wash my hands for no reason, and I hate touching a door knob because I don't want my hand to smell like metal and touch the germs other people have left there. And when I take a shower I say to myself that "I wash away my gayness" since I have unwanted sexual thoughts. And I just can't stop thinking about these sexual thoughts, even though I don't feel that way, they're still there. I've done everything I could to not think about them but I still do and it's disgusting. I also connect everything that happens in life to my problem. Like if someone comes up and tells me 'I really like that movie', I would automatically think to myself 'I'd like it too if there weren't actresses in it'. And I also might have Tourette syndrome because I have tics, sudden movements that come out of the blue and they're unnecessary. I also think I have Compulsive skin picking because I love picking my scalp, lips, back and whatever I can find almost ALL THE TIME and most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it until about 15 minutes And another disorder I might have that is related to Obsessive Compulsive disorder is Body dysmorphic disorder. i think i'm SO ugly and think that ugly people look better than me. I'm too shy to go buy something because the cashier will think I'm ugly. I'm too shy to be in pictures because I always hate my looks. I think that everyone is looking at me and saying "Damn, she's ugly" I sometimes have to slap myself hard in the face to snap out of it, to stop being so obsessed with things So can anyone help me? I almost killed myself once because i don't want to live like this, even though it's not severe like some other people because I can control all my obsessions....with the exception of the unwanted sexual thoughts Do I have OCD?