Okay, first off, let me apologize ahead of time for this topic, I have read many on here and know they must be annoying after a bit but I need some clarity. Bare with me. Do you think I am OCD????
Ever since I was a kid I have these 'rituals' take major presedence over my life. I have daily rituals that I do day in and day out all day long. As a child, as young as eight, I remember being terrified to pick things up with my left hand believing that if I did a task with this hand that whatever I touched would turn out negative. Basically, to put it mildy, lead to bad luck. I did this for years and finally stopped doing it. But as one 'ritual' passed another one would develop.
Then as I got older, new rituals would develop. If my surrounding changed, I made new rituals to accomadate the changes. I have way too many compulsions to put in a time line but I will elababorate what my daily rituals are now.
I have, for as long as i remember, have this obsession with the number three. For example, when getting in and out of my car, I have to touch the back end by the atena where there are two paint chips three times with three fingers. I usually do this in series of three's until...of course...it feels right. I have been know to do this for a good minute to get this 'just right.' It drives me nuts but I have to do it because if I dont, I feel that something bad will happen. For example, by really good friend died in a car wreck and I am scared that If I dont picture a certain picture in my mind while doing this ritual something bad will happen to me. That I will die in a car wreck if I picture his face while doing these rituals. I have to picture Jesus or something positive while doing this. This image has to be imagined by the time I get to three and If the image turns into his face by the time I get to three touches, then I have to start all over again until I picture Jesus. (okay, I swear im not crazy). WHen I picture him, then I can go into my vehicle. I am proud to say that this has calmed down a bit! Also, everytime I go into my classroom, I have to touch the little nails on the door with my three fingers three times. Sometimes, its harder to do the touch three times, so I justify not being able to do it by pressing harder with the third finger that touches the nail. )Which is the top left corner everytime for some reason. I feel that I need to do this or I wont do as well in class that day. And again, if this doesnt happen, I have to justify to myself why I didnt so nothing bad will happen to me.
Also, I have to set my alarm three times everynight. The weird part is, certain numbers have to occur. First off, it can never be a number ending in double zero. I dont know why. Its no good almost. Indifferent. The first alarm has to end in either one or a three. If it ends in a one, then the second alarm ends in a three and the fourth alarm ends in a four. IF, big if, If i use the number two it has to occur in alarm number two. Not alarm one or three, due to 'tanting' the numbers that are suppose to be there. IF I start with a three, then the second has to be a four, and the last one a 7. I feel these are good luck numbers.
BTW. Ironically my birthday ends in a 2!!!!
Basically, a one is a feel good number, its preparing you for the three. The three is the best number, its the best possible number and my first choice. The number four is my second choice. Its not as near as good as the number three but it will do. Its basicaly second runner up or honorable mention And seven is rarely used but if I run out of the other numbers (cant duplicate numbers) then 7 will be the next option after all other options are used.
And there is soo many more things that I do but I could go on literally for a few more hours.
Basically, I need some clarity. DO you think I am OCD or just very very superstitious. I have no idea. Ive never seen anyone professionally about this. Kinda embarrassed about it. But I have spoken about this to certain friends and some believe I do. What do you think? Please, please, please respond. I need to see what every thinks about this. Thanks-in advance.
