Jump to content
ACN Latitudes Forums

my 9 year old son is havin sexual thoughts about men


Recommended Posts

hi folks i am new here and thanks for listening i was just wandering if any one is going through the same as me since the start of summer my 9 year old son has been coming to me very upset very down saying he has been having sexual thoughts about older men and now some of friends from school he says he is not attracted to boys as my first thought was he must be gay he says these thoughts drive him mad he does not want to have them and that they just pop into his head for no reason i am tryang to be strong for him but i just dont understend this never mind him i mean he is only 9 stills believes in santa claus has lots of friends plays in a football team so why is this happening to him and what does it all mean ?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there!

 

I know how distressing it is to deal with OCD. Especially when it is your child and all you want to do is help him stop. I have had OCD since I was around 6 or 7. But I have learned so much through the process. My son started exhibting signs of OCD and I took him to a counselor. That really seemed to help him. But also what has helped him is being on the right set of supplements. What I have found is that OCD is not just a psychological issue. Believe it or not, this comes from A LOT of research, is it has a lot to do with allergies and vitamin/mineral deficiencies. What happens is when our bodies are not processing foods correctly and have deficiencies, such as with magnesium and B vitamins, ultimately it affects the brain. My son has Tourettes/OCd and I can tell you for 5 years I have found that SOOOOO much of this can be controlled by getting the body back in balance. A really good Naturopathic Doctor would really be able to help you in this area.

 

Biologically OCD is rather complicated but one part of what is causing problems is histamine, which is what the body releases to fight allergies. Histamine also happens to be what is called a neurotransmitter. You probably have heard of Serotonin which is another one of the neurotransmitters. Histamine will affect serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. There are many ways you can help get this in balance and I have done many posts on this forum on how I have helped my son get all this back in balance. I would be happy to share this with you if you are interested. Here is a post I did not that long ago where you can read more up on what I have done for my son http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5891&pid=45324&start=&st=#entry45324 (just scroll down to my posting in this link). Also I have found an amazing system that has helped reduce his allergy load and you can read that at this link http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=8265 .

 

I have found with my own OCD that when I take the right set of vitamins, mainly magneium (you want to make sure to use the right kind of magnesium I typically use either Magnesium Taurate or Magnesium Citrate) and B vitamins it really helps calm it down when I am consistent. Basically it helps to settle down that fight/flight response in the body that gets sets off over and over with these obsessive thoughts.

 

Another very helpful thing I have found that helped my is reading a book called "Brain Lock" about OCD. It does not by any means approach OCD from the nutritional angle, the Dr. who wrote this book has a different theory, but the book really helps you understand how you can use other parts of your brain to get around these OCD thoughts. The author is Jeffrey Schwartz.

 

Think on this if I told you under no circumstances do not think about a pink elephant what would happen? You would start thinking about the pink elephant of course. He is telling himself he cannot under no cirucmstances have these thoughts. So he is setting himself up for HAVING to think about it. He is trying to get around the way our minds are designed. You can not tell yourself to "unthink" something. This is why you have to get truth going in your mind or you will be in an continual cycle of trying to do something that is not possible. That is, trying to forget you ever had these thoughts in the first place just drives the thoughts even more! He just simply cannot do that. He was not created to forget those things you find unpleasant. But again being thankful, speaking truth, and having realistic expectations of himself will help incredibly.

 

 

There is a really interesting thing that really helped my son's anxiety which is called EFT which is done by a trained couselor. It is hard to explain it but the counselor has the patient close their eyes and think on the distressing thought. The counselor taps, in the case my son's hands, and somehow it helps the brain to process the emotions of the experience in a much more logical way. I am telling you it really helped my son get through some things that were very distressing to him. The lady I went to was a Christian Counselor. I am sure there are many counselors that do it.

 

I wanted to give you some of my personal insights on OCD that I have learned over the years that might give you perspective and I think might help your son. Also what your son is dealing with, battling unwanted sexual thoughts, is SUCH A COMMON OCD issue. If you look on this website you will see it referenced quite a few times by many others in distress over their own unwanted thoughts.

 

Anyhow here are some things to consider:

1.) What he is battling is not the thoughts themselves but the emotion, ANXIETY, that is connected to that thought. It is the uncomfortable feeling it is generating. This feeling is coming from his fight/flight system getting so freaked out because he is trying to get himself out of the cycle of thoughts but feels trapped.

 

 

2.) The BIGGEST thing that has helped me, with unwanted thoughts, is to start thanking God for whoever I am obsessing over or thanking God that I would not do (x,y or z) to a certain person. It absolutely deflates that big fear balloon of emotion. A thankful heart goes a very, very long way! "Enter His gates (prayer) with thanksgiving and His courts with praise (Psalm 100 verse 4) . "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Phillipians 4:6)

 

3.) He needs to accept he is not going to be a perfect thinker. I have dealt with this for a long time in thinking I have to think perfect thoughts. How ridiculous if you really think about it! This is impossible. The only person who ever was a perfect thinker, who walked this earth, was Jesus Christ. I am humbled by the fact that because we are NOT perfect this is why Jesus had to come and redeem us.

 

4.) One trap I have found over and over again is I can be thinking perfectly "normal" thoughts and then start reflecting back on a previous obsession and all of a sudden those emotions come flooding back. Once I feel that sinking feeling in my stomach again the fear of that obsession hits all over again. I am then back in the trap of thinking about it again for sometimes days and days. So what I have learned is to start warning my emotions. I have even started saying, in my mind of course, "warning, warning, warning I am thinking about an old obsession but don't panic it has already been defeated." One thing I am learning about emotions is they are so unpredictable and they truly are not smart. That's why you can go to a really scary movie and feel absolutely afraid to even go home after the movie is over. Your emotions are believing something is true when in reality it is far from truth.

 

5.) Fear does not think logically. So when I get thinking irrational thoughts its the irrational fear that keeps driving it because logic is not being interjected.

 

6.) Anxiety does not equal truth! As a matter of fact, I have found anxiety is not even interested in truth. It just breads on itself and feeds itself. That is where you have to get truth speaking over the lies.

 

7.) Accepting that thoughts of someone you love and disgusting thoughts about people are just periodically going to collide in your mind. That is just part of being human. It is impossible not too. But what happens with someone with OCD is they obsess over the fact that they even had the thought. They you get in the trap of desperately trying not to think the thought.

 

8.) My OCD always gets worse when anxiety is in my life. I have found often my obsessive thoughts start up when I am under a lot of stress at school (when I was in school that is), work, or just having difficulties in life. It is almost as if the anxiety of another event sets this stage up for an unwanted thought to occur.

 

9.) My unwanted thoughts ALWAYS revolve around someone I care about and/or something I just cannot emotionally handle. When I can defeat the "thought" with truth it no longer matters to me and the thought goes away.

 

10.) Ask God for direction on this. He ultimately knows the answer for you. He has been so faithful to me and showing and guiding me that I know He will do the same for you.

 

There is a great website I wanted to share with you for one particular reason. There is a great part about how our emotions work. Go under the "Real Answers" section and then go under the categories and topics sections. You will see both emotions and fear listed. I just love Bob George. I have learned so much from him. Well he is at http://www.realanswers.net/ .

 

Well God Bless,

 

Carolyn

Edited by Carolyn.N
Link to post
Share on other sites

hi carolyn

thankyou for your reply was very much help to me,i had my son when i was 18 years old we are very very close,his dad and i split when he was just 4 years old but is very much in his life and does not know anything about this. I have had my son to the doctors on many occasion after the split things started to change in him first was for constant hand washing he would not deal with change very well and getting him to school was a nightmare he adventually overcome this then it was crowds of people he could not deal with he gave up karate cause of this, certain foods he wont eat incase of mess asnd everything in his room has its own place if its moved or fallen of the shelf he wont sleep till its back in his place, sometimes a trip to the shops would be a nightmare, my answer i got from proffestionals was just that he was a perfectionist a wee bit of anxiety and put it all down to emotional problems, i am now in a new relationship and have a toddler now things seemed to have settled down and he was doing great at school joined the football team has loads of friends and nothing seemed to bother anymore until this with the sexual thoughts about men and boys you can tell from him when he is having these thoughts being at swimming makes him un comfortable and this is hard to see but from your advice and i have spoke to him i am going to go back to the doc with him he seems fine about this as he told me he just wants it to go away i just hope someone will help him this time as when i think things are leaving him it just really turns into something else . thanks again .

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lou lou,

 

I strongly rec. posting on the PANDAS forum. I'm not saying your son has (or doesn't have) PANDAS, but it is definitely (due to his age) something that should be explored and ruled out. Even if there is no known strep history, lots of PANDAS kids get strep without "typical" signs (sore throat, fever), only behavior changes (OCD, anxiety, mood changes. "bad thoughts", adhd) and/or tics.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are they actual sexual thought regarding sexual actions? Or, are the thought about men's "privates"..Is he finding himself "looking?" If so, I don't know how old he is...but, it is POSSIBLE he is curious as to what "men" look like.......if he is at that age........this is different than actually thinking of doing sexual acts with men. The curiosity of what they look like could be perfectly normal and just a phase.

 

Just noticed he is 9...so, could just be curiosity...perhaps explore the thoughts further with him. (if you can)

Edited by P.Mom
Link to post
Share on other sites

hi folks

thanks for all te replies i am so glad i found this sight and have people to talk to about this, what is PANDAS? i have never heard of this before, i dont really understand any of it i feel useless that i cant help my son and take these toughts from him how could this be happening to him at just 9 years old i blame myself is it something i have done i just dont know, as for the answer about the sexual thoughts he wont go into to much detail about the thoughts all i know is he says its more than kissing and people doing rude things to him i am glad he is talking to me about this but he will only say so much then gets upsets i wont push him to talk and upset him more, we had a wee chat yes when i explained about going back to the doctor he was happy with this as now he says his thoughts are very random now it can happen to him with someone he does not even know that walks past him in the street i feel this is driving mad and sometimes i see him hit his head .

Link to post
Share on other sites

what is PANDAS?

 

PANDAS: here is basic info: http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=6265 and also FAQ http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=6266

 

 

OCD and/or tics can be symptoms of PANDAS. Other PANDAS symptoms include anxiety, ADHD, tantrums, emotional lability, urinary issues, eating issues. Not all kids will have all the symptoms. Sometimes onset is sudden and dramatic, but not always.

 

Sometimes parents notice worsening of symptoms after illness (not just strep). Other times, children have a worsening of symptoms but b/c the child has an asymptomatic strep infection, the parent never makes the correlation unless a throat culture is performed or other evidence of strep infection (sinus problems, high titers) is found.

 

IMO PANDAS should be ruled out in any case of childhood ocd and/or tics (or other behavior change such as anxiety). Unfortunately most docs are uneducated re PANDAS and don't know how to diagnose or treat it. Please feel free to post on the PANDAS/Pitands forum .

Link to post
Share on other sites

hi there,

been to docs yes he is getting sent back to see the child pyschologist just a waiting game now, things are getting worse now and is starting to affect him at school the thoughts at the moment are an every day battle for him, not sure what the out come will be if he will get diagnosed with anything if it will just be theorpy, very daunting but at least now he will get the proper help to help him understand this , will be in touch .

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Loulou, my heart goes out to you and your son. I am a OCD'r myself ('recovering') and now my son has begun with OCD fears. I will never, ever, forget the torment I went through with mine when it was at it's worse. It was during a very stressful time for me, although not 'bad' stress but stress none the less. I had OCD periods as a child as well and whenever I went through a big change or particularly difficult time, the fears or obsessions would pop up out of nowhere. Anyway, I am going to pray for you and your son. And I want to suggest researching some of the supplements you'll read a lot about for OCD and stress in general. My son is 8 and I give him Magnesium Citrate in the form of a product called 'Kids Calm'. I also give him an Omega 3 such as Flaxseed Oil. There is a B vitamin that works well for OCD and it is called Inositol. I just started giving my son this. In the mean time, what changes either positive or negative has your son undergone recently. You mentioned you were in a relationship and have a stepson now? Although that is positive, it's still a change and just having your son talk about his feelings, fears, etc. will help. Is he afraid he is loosing you? Our minds are very strange and complicated systems and he might not even know he is worried over something until he begins to talk about it. One way I can always tell what is bothering me when I start OCD'ing is by taking a look at my dreams.....what is the recurring theme? God Bless You and your son!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Loulou, my heart goes out to you and your son. I am a OCD'r myself ('recovering') and now my son has begun with OCD fears. I will never, ever, forget the torment I went through with mine when it was at it's worse. It was during a very stressful time for me, although not 'bad' stress but stress none the less. I had OCD periods as a child as well and whenever I went through a big change or particularly difficult time, the fears or obsessions would pop up out of nowhere. Anyway, I am going to pray for you and your son. And I want to suggest researching some of the supplements you'll read a lot about for OCD and stress in general. My son is 8 and I give him Magnesium Citrate in the form of a product called 'Kids Calm'. I also give him an Omega 3 such as Flaxseed Oil. There is a B vitamin that works well for OCD and it is called Inositol. I just started giving my son this. In the mean time, what changes either positive or negative has your son undergone recently. You mentioned you were in a relationship and have a stepson now? Although that is positive, it's still a change and just having your son talk about his feelings, fears, etc. will help. Is he afraid he is loosing you? Our minds are very strange and complicated systems and he might not even know he is worried over something until he begins to talk about it. One way I can always tell what is bothering me when I start OCD'ing is by taking a look at my dreams.....what is the recurring theme? God Bless You and your son!

Edited by philamom
Link to post
Share on other sites

hi there

thankyou for your post it means alot, there has been big changes in my sons life but i would not say recently not around the time of these thoughts occuring not that i can pin point anyway, the biggest changes he has had to deal with would of been the split up of me and his father where i would say when the changes in my son started, a year later i met my new partner we moved house together then i had a baby which he has always been brill about a i was very worried all threw my pregancy about how he would deal with this for example sharing his mum as he has always just had me for 7 years of his life but he came threw it good or so i thought but maybe you are right as now his brother his 2 and at a very demanding age for attention maybe he is feeling a bit left out but i would say me and my 9 year old are very close i always take time to sit and have a chat about his day as the 2 year old is bedded early we have dvd nights or wii nights i could rack my brain for answers about why this is happening to him and i know he does not understand this either i have stil not had a letter from the child phychologist yet that has been about 4 weeks now, we are just back from a holiday in spain which was much needed i thought maybe this would take his mind of things but the toughts were very much still there it like he goes away into a wee world of his own very quiet and distressed looking then he will blink or shake his head to try get rid of the thoughts then look around him to see if anyone has noticed i feel for him i really do it breaks my heart to see him this like this will this ever leave him ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

hi folks

thats us had our first screening test with the child therapist, as i thought my son is having instrusive unwanted sexual thoughts, post traumatic stress, anxiety, and depression because of this and all this at just 9 years old !!! however the therapist was really nice and helpful the next step for him is to visit her once a fortnight for therapy , the therapy he will be recieving is what they call EMDR which is short for eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing but of course there is a waiting list which frustrates me.I am just glad that now he is on the right road to help these awful thoughts hopefully go away i know he is desperate for this to happen as he would say i want the black cloud hanging over my head to be sunny again bless him, would be nice to hear from anyone who has had this type of theropy to give me a post if it has helped would be great to hear.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...