relationship problems with my boyfriend with aspergers

[meeeee]

Hi there,

 

My boyfriend is very capable of many things. He can be very funny and very straightforward, and we have lots in common and like doing alot of fun things together. But i have some "buts."

 

Originally i thought he was selfish and super sensitive and loved to make me look like a jerk. then i realised that he doesn't like groups of people and would hide in the basement bedroom when there were too many people over. he only likes touch when he is interested in it, and always tells me that i am accosting him when i touch him otherwise. he turns off when there is a problem in our relationship and then shoves me out to sea on my own and then when i start yelling when i've had enough, he doesn't like my yelling tells me im abusive and i am not even really yelling yet, although there have been a few occasions where i have. he has crappy body language and doesn't make eye contact and can never get a good job even though he has great skills because these are things employers look for. he also can't read my body language. he thinks that if i am upset i will tell him that in a sentence. he doesn't recognize when i am getting upset and doesn't know how to help when i am frustrated or sad. and always says to me that i am stressing out his dog when i am upset with him. he doesn't give me buttered up niceties and he also doesn't let me know important details until I am past being flippant about it, and then he says some of the things that would have been helpful in the first place, but also doesn't recognize what he has also said before was rude or smug.

 

then i started joking to my girlfriends that i thought my boyfriend was autistic. then after a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend and i watched a movie called 'mary and max' and after the movie he said 'i have aspergers'.

 

i understand that i can be patient and learn to do all sorts of things for him. but he isn't the only person in the relationship with needs sometimes, and i'm afraid that i might not be able to keep a relationship with someone who can't help me when i need someone to be strong for me. i don't like having my touch always being a bad thing. i don't like all the fights escalating into me being a fried weirdo while he shuts off and goes and "sleeps" for days until i make him face me and discuss it.

 

how do people do it?

are there support groups for partners of asperger spouses?

 

i feel fried and hopeless.

[peglem]

The only thing I know to suggest, but will take a commitment on your boyfriend's part, is Relationship Development Intervention (RDI). It helps autistic people develop social/emotional connectivity. You can find more info at RDIconnect.com