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Please Help Me remove these unwanted sexual thoughts


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Hi, Im a 24 year old educated female who has a successful career.However, it has been about 4-5 years when i had my first unwanted sexual thought with a female while i was at work and it was disturbing,however, that year it was not so bad, it would come like once every month or so,but prior to that first thought, i was involved in watching sexual videos and involved in masturbation which i did not want to do but i always have the urge to and then few months after that my unwanted thoughts started coming and recently for the past year they have been so extreme,they come and go, and i mostly have thoughts of not wanting to have sexual thoughts and i know tthat having that makes the thoughts come more, but i feel like i cant help myself, and i am also still involved in the sexual behavior and i feel so guilty, it is affecting my life deeeply, my personal, work,etc..i cant be myself around pple anymore, im this uptight person that can not enjoy life because i do not feel comfortable in my own skin anymore, i am seeing a therapist now for about 7 months, i see her once a week or twice a month depending on my schedule and she is doing something called emdr therapy, it worked a little but now im having those thoughts and behaviors again.. and i have such low self esteem from them, i cant live my life, i hate this, please someone share with me how they overcame this, i need help and i hate it, i HAVE THESE THOUGHTS WITH ANYONE, child to adult even tho im not attracted tot hem by any means and i never act on those thoughts to any human being but still just having the thoughts drives me insane and i need help.

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Hi

it is good that you are in therapy. It may be helpful to see your therapist weekly if you can manage that while you are in this stage of elevated symptoms

 

here is a thread that may be of help to you, to let you know you are not alone in this http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=758

 

I hope the therapy helps you reach a stable place

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I know from my own bouts of Intrusive Thoughts off and on over the years that they are often thoughts that were almost 'hand-picked' to disturb me the most. And you're right, by trying not to have them, it makes them worse. At the time (1980's), there was not much info on OCD so I just thought I was crazy. And obviously no info on supplements or diet to help 'whatever it was' or what could be causing it. I'm sure you know stress is usually a factor. Anyway, I ended up getting on medication that helped tremendously. I wish I had done CBT and Relaxation Therapy.....it is suppose to help as much if not more. I'm taking my 8 year old son who has recently started having intrusive thoughts and tics to a therapist who specializes in this. I am praying for success as deeply as I can. I will pray for you as well.

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Hi,

 

May i suggest:

 

- Cherry Plum

- White Chestnut

- Pine

- Crab Apple

 

in Bach flowers Essences. They will harmonize you with your thoughts.

 

This combination is for your state and only for you. I suggest you take them all together in a mixed bottle for at least 1 month or more. You will feel the positive effects after 2 or 3 weeks.

 

By taking those four flower remedies together you will have a big relief or stop having those unwanted thoughts, combined with the help of your actual therapy.

 

 

Hi, Im a 24 year old educated female who has a successful career.However, it has been about 4-5 years when i had my first unwanted sexual thought with a female while i was at work and it was disturbing,however, that year it was not so bad, it would come like once every month or so,but prior to that first thought, i was involved in watching sexual videos and involved in masturbation which i did not want to do but i always have the urge to and then few months after that my unwanted thoughts started coming and recently for the past year they have been so extreme,they come and go, and i mostly have thoughts of not wanting to have sexual thoughts and i know tthat having that makes the thoughts come more, but i feel like i cant help myself, and i am also still involved in the sexual behavior and i feel so guilty, it is affecting my life deeeply, my personal, work,etc..i cant be myself around pple anymore, im this uptight person that can not enjoy life because i do not feel comfortable in my own skin anymore, i am seeing a therapist now for about 7 months, i see her once a week or twice a month depending on my schedule and she is doing something called emdr therapy, it worked a little but now im having those thoughts and behaviors again.. and i have such low self esteem from them, i cant live my life, i hate this, please someone share with me how they overcame this, i need help and i hate it, i HAVE THESE THOUGHTS WITH ANYONE, child to adult even tho im not attracted tot hem by any means and i never act on those thoughts to any human being but still just having the thoughts drives me insane and i need help.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi there,

 

I just wanted to encourage you. I just did a post to another person on this forum and thought it would help you too. Here is what I posted to her regarding her son's battle with sexual thoughts and he is nine. I think this will give you some insight on some of the things you can do for yourself.

 

So anyhow, here is is what I posted:

 

I know how distressing it is to deal with OCD. Especially when it is your child and all you want to do is help him stop. I have had OCD since I was around 6 or 7. But I have learned so much through the process. My son started exhibting signs of OCD and I took him to a counselor. That really seemed to help him. But also what has helped him is being on the right set of supplements. What I have found is that OCD is not just a psychological issue. Believe it or not, this comes from A LOT of research, is it has a lot to do with allergies and vitamin/mineral deficiencies. What happens is when our bodies are not processing foods correctly and have deficiencies, such as with magnesium and B vitamins, ultimately it affects the brain. My son has Tourettes/OCd and I can tell you for 5 years I have found that SOOOOO much of this can be controlled by getting the body back in balance. A really good Naturopathic Doctor would really be able to help you in this area.

 

Biologically OCD is rather complicated but one part of what is causing problems is histamine, which is what the body releases to fight allergies. Histamine also happens to be what is called a neurotransmitter. You probably have heard of Serotonin which is another one of the neurotransmitters. Histamine will affect serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. There are many ways you can help get this in balance and I have done many posts on this forum on how I have helped my son get all this back in balance. I would be happy to share this with you if you are interested. Here is a post I did not that long ago where you can read more up on what I have done for my son http://www.latitudes...&st=#entry45324 (just scroll down to my posting in this link). Also I have found an amazing system that has helped reduce his allergy load and you can read that at this link http://www.latitudes...?showtopic=8265 .

 

I have found with my own OCD that when I take the right set of vitamins, mainly magneium (you want to make sure to use the right kind of magnesium I typically use either Magnesium Taurate or Magnesium Citrate) and B vitamins it really helps calm it down when I am consistent. Basically it helps to settle down that fight/flight response in the body that gets sets off over and over with these obsessive thoughts.

 

Another very helpful thing I have found that helped my is reading a book called "Brain Lock" about OCD. It does not by any means approach OCD from the nutritional angle, the Dr. who wrote this book has a different theory, but the book really helps you understand how you can use other parts of your brain to get around these OCD thoughts. The author is Jeffrey Schwartz.

 

Think on this if I told you under no circumstances do not think about a pink elephant what would happen? You would start thinking about the pink elephant of course. He is telling himself he cannot under no cirucmstances have these thoughts. So he is setting himself up for HAVING to think about it. He is trying to get around the way our minds are designed. You can not tell yourself to "unthink" something. This is why you have to get truth going in your mind or you will be in an continual cycle of trying to do something that is not possible. That is, trying to forget you ever had these thoughts in the first place just drives the thoughts even more! He just simply cannot do that. He was not created to forget those things you find unpleasant. But again being thankful, speaking truth, and having realistic expectations of himself will help incredibly.

 

 

There is a really interesting thing that really helped my son's anxiety which is called EFT which is done by a trained couselor. It is hard to explain it but the counselor has the patient close their eyes and think on the distressing thought. The counselor taps, in the case my son's hands, and somehow it helps the brain to process the emotions of the experience in a much more logical way. I am telling you it really helped my son get through some things that were very distressing to him. The lady I went to was a Christian Counselor. I am sure there are many counselors that do it.

 

I wanted to give you some of my personal insights on OCD that I have learned over the years that might give you perspective and I think might help your son. Also what your son is dealing with, battling unwanted sexual thoughts, is SUCH A COMMON OCD issue. If you look on this website you will see it referenced quite a few times by many others in distress over their own unwanted thoughts.

 

Anyhow here are some things to consider:

1.) What he is battling is not the thoughts themselves but the emotion, ANXIETY, that is connected to that thought. It is the uncomfortable feeling it is generating. This feeling is coming from his fight/flight system getting so freaked out because he is trying to get himself out of the cycle of thoughts but feels trapped.

 

 

2.) The BIGGEST thing that has helped me, with unwanted thoughts, is to start thanking God for whoever I am obsessing over or thanking God that I would not do (x,y or z) to a certain person. It absolutely deflates that big fear balloon of emotion. A thankful heart goes a very, very long way! "Enter His gates (prayer) with thanksgiving and His courts with praise (Psalm 100 verse 4) . "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Phillipians 4:6)

 

3.) He needs to accept he is not going to be a perfect thinker. I have dealt with this for a long time in thinking I have to think perfect thoughts. How ridiculous if you really think about it! This is impossible. The only person who ever was a perfect thinker, who walked this earth, was Jesus Christ. I am humbled by the fact that because we are NOT perfect this is why Jesus had to come and redeem us.

 

4.) One trap I have found over and over again is I can be thinking perfectly "normal" thoughts and then start reflecting back on a previous obsession and all of a sudden those emotions come flooding back. Once I feel that sinking feeling in my stomach again the fear of that obsession hits all over again. I am then back in the trap of thinking about it again for sometimes days and days. So what I have learned is to start warning my emotions. I have even started saying, in my mind of course, "warning, warning, warning I am thinking about an old obsession but don't panic it has already been defeated." One thing I am learning about emotions is they are so unpredictable and they truly are not smart. That's why you can go to a really scary movie and feel absolutely afraid to even go home after the movie is over. Your emotions are believing something is true when in reality it is far from truth.

 

5.) Fear does not think logically. So when I get thinking irrational thoughts its the irrational fear that keeps driving it because logic is not being interjected.

 

6.) Anxiety does not equal truth! As a matter of fact, I have found anxiety is not even interested in truth. It just breads on itself and feeds itself. That is where you have to get truth speaking over the lies.

 

7.) Accepting that thoughts of someone you love and disgusting thoughts about people are just periodically going to collide in your mind. That is just part of being human. It is impossible not too. But what happens with someone with OCD is they obsess over the fact that they even had the thought. They you get in the trap of desperately trying not to think the thought.

 

8.) My OCD always gets worse when anxiety is in my life. I have found often my obsessive thoughts start up when I am under a lot of stress at school (when I was in school that is), work, or just having difficulties in life. It is almost as if the anxiety of another event sets this stage up for an unwanted thought to occur.

 

9.) My unwanted thoughts ALWAYS revolve around someone I care about and/or something I just cannot emotionally handle. When I can defeat the "thought" with truth it no longer matters to me and the thought goes away.

 

10.) Ask God for direction on this. He ultimately knows the answer for you. He has been so faithful to me and showing and guiding me that I know He will do the same for you.

 

There is a great website I wanted to share with you for one particular reason. There is a great part about how our emotions work. Go under the "Real Answers" section and then go under the categories and topics sections. You will see both emotions and fear listed. I just love Bob George. I have learned so much from him. Well he is at http://www.realanswers.net/ .

 

Well God Bless,

 

Carolyn

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