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Discipline problems...advice please


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Hi! I am relatively new to this forum. I have posted before about my son Cameron who is perhaps the youngest victim of Tourettes (he's three). We are at are wit's end right now. We have an appointment at the end of the month to test for heavy metals, yeast, IgG...etc. We have a corn allergy for sure, but also don't do milk, wheat, aritificial colors or flavors, and are VERY strict. Food elimination really helped at first, but now the tics are worse than ever and his behavior is so hard to handle. He is currently taking Bonnie's Vitamin regiment which is NOT helping at all. In fact things seem to be worse with new tics. We were just doing flax oil, but we just started the fish oil. We also do a digestive enzyme, probiotic, aloe vera juice, phenol assist, extra Mg Taurate...nothing is helping. The only time his behavior was better was before Bonnie's we had him on Kirkman's Super Nu Thera which had P5P which I am convinced must have helped him. However, I noticed his movments seemed more jerky four hours after the vitamin. Then I heard about Bonnie's and thought that we should try this...it is not working for us.

 

That is a little background and the vitamins are very tricky for us currently. We are also treating for yeast with probiotics and a product called "Yeast Aid, " by Kirkman. This could definitely be making things worse as well.

 

My main reason for writing this is to beg for some advice on discipline issues. We are moving back home next month to Raleigh, NC, but Cameron is currently is a preschool and having so many issues. He is a little aggressive and has a hard time keeping his hands to himself. The other kids like him the teacher says, but he annoys them a lot because he is so touchy. We know he has sensory integration issues that need addressing more, and we will be seeking more OT when we move. He is also very aggressive. If he thinks someone is not going to let him play...etc. he is after them. Everytime I pick him up from preschool he is in time out for "bad hands." He can't control this behavior, but we are in SC, and the teachers don't know the first thing about these issues here. Since we are moving I haven't even told them about our new diagnosis. I feel like he is being punished for things he can't control, but I want him to be disciplined for inappropriate behavior. He also is terribly aggressive to his sister (one year old). Everytime he walks by her, he knocks her down, hits her...I am going crazy at home. I get so angry that he is so aggressive, and I know to some extent he has no control, but I cannot let him hurt his sister either. It's very hard. We only do time outs for hitting at home, but nothing has worked for us. If anyone has any suggestions to help him in preschool (we are moving and are going to be getting a fresh start), or at home ( I don't think I can't stay at home if he continues his behavior...it so hard), I would greatly appreciate it!

 

Natalie

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Natalie,

 

I would consider that something in Bonnie's vitamins is triggering the worsening tics. Just stop them for a week and go back to your old routine and see if you see improvement. Then add in any new vitamins one at a time. Most here customize the vitamins and don't use Bonnie's FYI.

 

I am terrible at parental advice, and won't try--way too tricky for me. However Sheila Rogers (this site editor) is a child pyschologist and maybe you could do a phone consult with her (I think she is $90/hr, so even a half hour might be worth it.)

 

I am very interested in hearing other's good advice on this matter though. I have only one child and am just unqualified.

 

Claire

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Natalie,

In her book, Is this Your Child?, Dr. Doris Rapp talks about all sorts of allergies and sensitivities affecting behavior. She has several case histories of children who are sensitive to things like formaldahyde or mold whose behavior improved dramatically when these were eliminated or when the child was treated for these sensitivities. Since you already know about an allergy to certain foods, perhaps your child has other sensitivities as well. That's great that you have found a doctor who can test for heavy metals, yeast, IgG, etc. at the end of the month. Hopefully, the allergy test will include other things besides food.

 

Doris Rapp's website is: http://www.drrapp.com/

 

take care,

Phyl

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Hi Natalie,

I would strongly suggest that you look at either the failsafe diet or Feingold.

Just put them into search.

or www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info this is the fed up site, I don't know the Feingold one.

I believe that if you try one of these your child will turn into an angel and you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

As he is still in pre school, it should be easier for you to restrict him with the foods, rather then an older child.

Trust that no child ever became malnourished with the restrictions!

I would also go back to your previous vitamin plan, just to put your own mind at rest that it is the new vitamins that are causing the trouble.

If not, then this could be a new phase.

 

One of my son's was really aggressive, teary, would fly into rages at the drop of a hat. I could see he was confusing even himself. After 3 weeks on failsafe, he was a different child.

Does your child have constant dark circles under the eyes?

These are called allergy shiners.

 

The info sites offer a list of symptoms and behaviours caused by intolerances to amines and salicylates. Get rid of artificial colours, flavours and preservatives and you will probaly notice a massive difference.

Sometimes you have to watch out for natural colours as well.

 

Good luck

Clare

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Thanks all for the advice. Cameron (since he is allergic to corn) doesn't eat any artificial colors, flavors, ANY corn products whatsoever so I feel like we are already on the Feingold diet. All we eat are organic meats, organic veggies, orgainc fruits, lots of different beans, brown rice, rice crackers, cashew butter, rice milk, and real potato chips (with sea salt and real potatoes). I even make my own pizza crust with rice flour. We eat no gluten, caesin, whey...etc. We did notice a significant improvement with the milk elimination and of course corn since it actually came up on a scratch test. Unless salicylates are a problem for him (which we are giving him phenol assist once a day), then I have no idea. The IgG test might show some additional sensitivities. He is definitely suffering from allergies. He also has a dust mite allergy, but we have dealt with that pretty well with covering beds...etc. "Is this your Child, " describes my child for sure. We have just eliminated so much now, but now all the sudden in the last month it is so much worse. The aggression is out of hand.

 

I will go back to my old vitamin plan for a week and see what happens, and try to add things one at a time. OCD definitely seems to be more of a problem now that we are on vitamins which I feel like has a lot to do with not being able to keep his hands to himself. He gets stuck a lot lately on certain topics too. Is there anything I could add to help with the OCD part. Thanks for listening.

 

Natalie:)

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Thanks all for the advice. Cameron (since he is allergic to corn) doesn't eat any artificial colors, flavors, ANY corn products whatsoever so I feel like we are already on the Feingold diet. All we eat are organic meats, organic veggies, orgainc fruits, lots of different beans, brown rice, rice crackers, cashew butter, rice milk, and real potato chips (with sea salt and real potatoes). I even make my own pizza crust with rice flour. We eat no gluten, caesin, whey...etc. We did notice a significant improvement with the milk elimination and of course corn since it actually came up on a scratch test. Unless salicylates are a problem for him (which we are giving him phenol assist once a day), then I have no idea. We did eliminate the salicylates for over a week and saw NO difference and then added them back and no difference. The IgG test might show some additional sensitivities. He is definitely suffering from allergies. He also has a dust mite allergy, but we have dealt with that pretty well with covering beds...etc. "Is this your Child, " describes my child for sure. We have just eliminated so much now, but now all the sudden in the last month it is so much worse. The aggression is out of hand.

 

I will go back to my old vitamin plan for a week and see what happens, and try to add things one at a time. OCD definitely seems to be more of a problem now that we are on vitamins which I feel like has a lot to do with not being able to keep his hands to himself. He gets stuck a lot lately on certain topics too. Is there anything I could add to help with the OCD part. Thanks for listening.

 

Natalie:)

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FYI, NTBowen has already been doing Feingold if you read her first post here (no artificial ingredients and eliminating salicylates). Also, her child is allergic to corn, so they are meticulous about any corn derivatives, including corn syrup. (But not the amines that Ausclare refers to with the Failsafe method). I know it is hard to track what all the new posters have already tried, I remember because of the corn issue we both have, and unlike me (!) she only has a handful of posts to scan. For a 'newcomer' she had done more than most of the regulars. In fact, she was one of two parents for whom the no screens didn't affect tics (they did affect behavior though).

 

Anyway, Natalie, this is why I am suspecting the new vitamin program for a worsening of symptoms. For example, B6 can feed yeast, while P5P doesn't. I am not saying this is it, just pointing out the need for a customized program.

 

I hope your new doctor does vitamin deficiency testing, plus you can do the pyroluria test now. www.pyroluriatesting.com $48 (Sorry if you did this one and I missed it!) Pyroluriacs don't handle stress well and can have angry outbursts). The supplement program would need to be modified for this. Another test is the adrenal stress test. $99 www.diagnos-techs.com I think.

 

 

I think Phyl's point struck me also. Dr. Rapp mentions that certain foods are behavioral triggers, and the IgG test you are getting should uncover this.

 

What strikes me is the worsening of symptoms/behavior. Though it could also be yeast detox, and if so, usually it is recommended to slow it down. However, you have so much you are trying at once that a break and then gradual start may be best. My son had physical detox reactions, and I had to stop and restart, it wasn't easy on me, but much better for him.

 

I do have one thought on the preschool: The type of preschool you chose might for some reason be putting too many restrictions/too much pressure on him. Especially for this type of child. That stress could carry over. I know someone who changed preschools and suddenly her son was an easy to handle child. You may need to observe during the day at his current school and see if it is too much structure, or not enough. Or too many academics (nothing to do with IQ, just readiness), or whether he has a good friend or two to welcome him or if this is a way to get attention. We managed time after preschool with some of the kids so that my son would have an anchor there.

 

Also, since you asked about discipline, another book I read said to reward the good behavior with attention and correct the bad behavior, but give it minimal attention. Hard with 2 kids, and I only have one. THe book was something like: You can have a happy child, and it was the best one I read due to the positive emphasis. You of course are trying the foods, but you are right to protect the little one. I read remove yourself from them--e.g. they don't get access to you for 1 minute after they do something inappropriate. This is different from a timeout.

 

As soon as he pushes her, I would control the anger and just execute the separation calmly. Say something like "I wouldn't let anyone hurt you and I can't let you hurt your sister while you pick up your daughter and take her behind a door with a safety gate with you for one minute. Then spend that minute ignoring him and loving her and come back out.

 

Then later catch him playing nicely around her and sit with him for a minute. The book said not to tell him it was a reward, but that he will over time learn that that is how he gets attention. Something like this--some of this is from the book, some from other books, some from me, so take it with a grain of salt.

 

Good luck,

Claire

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Natalie, Can you think of anything new (chemical) that you might have introduced to the household - a new air freshener, new soap, candles, anything? Or a new food that might be worsening the symptoms? I know you said you are mostly organic already, but just because it says Organic doesn't always mean it's "safe". The labeling laws for "organic" are ambiguous and often abused.

Jeff

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Hi Natalie~

 

You might try a behavior modification chart at home. I've made several of them and they're available for free at http://www.freebehaviorcharts.com

 

One that I might recommend for your son is the Bear to the Honey one. It's simple enough for a 3 year old to use because all that is needed is the skill to connect the dots. It's on the Charts page of the site. You might see another one that would spark his interest, too.

 

At home, you could use it to help with the way he pushes his sister.

 

You could tell him, like someone else suggested, that you want to help everyone in your family stay safe, including him (because when he's rough with someone else he could also hurt himself).

 

This is also the time where you would determine what his reward is going to be for completing the chart and connecting all the dots.

 

The chart is used to reinforce appropriate behaviors, like walking by his sister without pushing her down. So when you see him interact with his sister without pushing her down, you'd give him praise like, "Thank you for playing so nicely with ______. " Or, "I like how you're being gentle with _______."

 

The reinforcement doesn't focus on the negative behavior - like" Thank you for not pushing her down." See how that one brings up the behavior we're trying to avoid? So always stay in the positive.

 

Then he can connect the dots once on his Bear to Honey chart. When the chart is complete...maybe once a day...then he's earned his pre-determined reward. Maybe extra time with just the two of you alone...or he can play in the sandbox, etc. There are great ideas on the site with the rest of the charts, too.

 

Something else to consder: the circumstances around the pushing. What are you doing when the pushing happens? (Washing dishes, watching TV, cleaning, reading?) What was he doing right before he pushed her down? (Was he frustrated that he couldn't do something he wanted? Was he talking with you? Was he playing in his room?)

 

Have you ever asked him, without sounding angry, why he pushes her down? He might have some great insight into the situation.

 

Best wishes!

 

~Mona

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