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Our bedtime routine is causing me a lot of anxiety and stress. I have no where else to talk about this since the average person not dealing with a pandas kid would think I'm nuts for the stuff I put up with or try around bedtime and sleep. I know you guys will understand.

 

dd8 is afraid to go to sleep, afraid to sleep alone and always wants to sleep in my bed. She's almost 9 now and getting closer to being as big as me. I want to sleep by myself in my own bed. It's the only time I have to myself, even when she is in the same room as me. Both girls have their own mattresses on the floor where they are free to sleep in any time they want.

 

So our routine goes like this:

 

7:45 pm, settle down in front of the TV, melatonin, benadryl, quiet "calming" TV shows

8:15 pm, usually they are both asleep now on the couch

8:45 pm, I bring them upstairs, dd7 in her bedroom and dd8 in my room on the floor and I set in bed and read or surf the net because if dd8 wakes up and I'm not there she will freak out. Sometime in the night dd7 will come in my room and get in her bed there and sleep the rest of the night.

 

After years of trying to figure out how to get us all a good night's sleep, this is what has worked the best. Neither one can get in their own beds and fall asleep. They both need the TV although I think with dd7, if I worked on her I could get her to do it but with dd8 and her issues ,it just doesn't work since I have no one to be with dd8 while I'm with dd7.

 

dd8 now has gotten so if she's not asleep by the time I turn off the light, she is afraid and wants to sleep in my bed. It's getting worse so now she wakes up with the "click" when I turn off the light and starts with her whining and crying that she is afraid. So then she ends up coming into bed and I'm mad. I know there is no use fighting, forcing or negotiating at this time. It just does not work. So I spend the whole night getting them to sleep and then she ends up in my bed anyway. I want my evenings back somehow.

 

Part of my problem is I just don't get it. I don't understand what she is feeling and it seems so unreasonable. It's hard for me to really get that this is really a problem for her and I'm not just a chump of a mother who can't set boundries or rules or limits and I'm letting the kids control the house.

 

I would like to have a grown up relationship sometime but I can't imagine finding the right person who could come into all of this and understand pandas.

 

Sorry this got so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

 

Susan

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Hi - we are having a similar problem. My dd7 slept with me until just after her 4th bday. I was happy with and encouraged it, she had alwsy been a bad sleeper - 1 hour plus to fall asleep with me at her side and many night wakings and so I was super smug when at 4 she happily transitioned to her own bed and stayed there all night. (I also did a few internal hand gestures to all those who said I had done it wrong and would never get my obviously overly dependent child out of the bed :P ).

 

I too was ready for a bit of space but just swapped her for my new baby son, who unbelievably is a worse sleeper, he goes down quicker, especially with melatonin, but wakes so very often (anywhere from 5-9 times a night) and is a super light sleeper. If I turn over he always wakes. Your dd8 waking with the light click is so like my son now and how my dd used to be.

 

My dd has always had sleep issues with exacerbations but always managed to go back to sleep in her own bed and all issues have resolved once out of the episode. Not this time around. We had a flare recently, mood, fears, sleep problems, stomach issues and some OCD. We did a steroid birst and everything else has gone but not the sleep and some minimal seperation fears. She wakes sometime during the night in her bed and then is too scared to go back to sleep. The 1st night it was bad like this I proffered a spot on the floor in my room but she was too scared there and had to come in bed. Trouble is she sleeps well once in my bed but I and ds sleep terribly 'cos her movements keep waking him up. I'm dead on my feet but can't see a way of getting her out. I too feel frustrated and can't get her fear but it is real, she really is too scared.

 

Sorry I can't offer much advice just a bit of 'misery likes company'. But... Have you tried tv in a bedroom they share. Could they share a big bed together. Could you bribe them with something enormous they really want to try tv and a shared bed and then really dose your dds with melatonin. Could you get a lamp with a dimmer switch that won't click. Could you try some white noise stuff. When my dd went to her own room we got a fish tank (but you can get cheaper noise machines)to provide a nice background hum, flatten other noises so they won't wake her and give her something alive in her room so as not to feel lonely. If you could maybe get 1 night under your belt or at least a falling asleep it might get the ball rolling.

 

We have also just done adrenal testing on both our kids and they both came back with off numbers that could well be impacting their ability to fall alseep and stay alseep. We're off to discuss supps etc to right the issues and hopefully it will help with sleep.

 

Also, are you confident that the benadryl works. I remeber readin soem fairly new research that said it isn't the unusual kid that has a paradoxical reaction to benadryl. In fcat , the study showed 70%-ish of kids slept more poorly after having it.

 

good luck.. I know how you feel, the frustration and desperate need for just a tiny bit of your own space and time...

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Promise not to laugh but it could be the smell - nice smell. When the child is sleeping in your bed they can smell you and this provides comfort. Again no laughing, give them your pillow or sleep with their blanket so it smells like you. That way they can take the blanket/pillow with them.

 

One of my friends had a son who had major problems falling asleep without his blanket. Before he went to sleep he would smell it and this relaxed him. Washing it was a major problem. He was this way into his teens and was able to explain it. The blanket grew smaller and smaller as he aged with some help from mom.

 

Kids and parents cannot function without sleep !!!!

Do what you have to do.

 

Another friend moved all 3 of her kids into the same bedroom so that the oldest would not wake her up every night. A doctor she worked for suggested this so that she could do her job.

 

Lots of luck.

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Thaks to all for your suggestions and empathy!!!

 

We have tried just about everything possible but two suggestions here I have not done is a TV in their room or sleeping with my pillow/blanket. I will try the pillow tonight! Trust me, I don't think anything funny any more so that is a great suggestion mkur.

 

I have always been a "no tv in the bedroom" kind of person, but hey, I am more than willing to change if it might help. dd8 was sleeping in her room fine for a while but then we switched her to a new bed and it "freaks her out" now. She can't tell me why. I'd change her bed again but I have no idea what would help. Her last bed is not really an option to bring back and I don't think it would help anyway.

 

Susan

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