Feeling Lousy- somewhat OT

[becjonz]

This is sort of off topic but I know you guys are the only ones who will "get" this.

 

It is nearly 3:30 am and I have just finished up preparing information for a meeting with my divorce lawyer tomorrow. Unfortunately, the peaceful divorce I wanted seems to not be the way it is going to go. If I could not fight and still support my kids fully then I would but I can't.

Anyway, in order to provide lawyer with full picture my mom kept urging me to detail DS's care...I did but boy do I feel like crap. I was not emotional for any of the rest but to detail the extra expense, extra work missed, extra hours put in for doctors, therapy, follow up activities to therapy, etc I feel like the worst mom in the world.

 

I would do all that for him again and more so it just seems wrong to list it on a page like that, as if he were a burden. The tears are of course flowing freely again and I know bed is where I should be.

 

Please don't think I'm so awful, one of my main motivations to finally end my marriage was when my dh started yelling at Matt for his anxiety as if he could simply snap out of it or just stop worrying and escalating. He has not participated in ANY of Matt's care or school meetings re: his condition or to even remember Matt's meds when he is at his house! Anyway thanks for just letting me vent.

[monarchcat]

You are doing the right thing! You are not a bad mother, you are an excellent mother so just stop that line of thinking immediately. It's normal to be emotional as this is surely an extremely difficult time, but you need to think of yourself as a warrior right now. You need to stand up straight and tall, put your head up and do what it takes to ensure the security of yourself and your children. I've seen with a couple of my own friends that they eventually just wanted it to be over and stop fighting and that's exactly what the ex and their lawyers want. Don't do it. Take care of yourself, too.. find time to just breathe, mediate, etc, but keep your head up and remember that you are a WARRIOR MOM right now. You need to stay calm, but focused, and you will get through all this and come out the other side stronger and better.

 

Good luck, and (((((hugs)))))

 

This is sort of off topic but I know you guys are the only ones who will "get" this.

 

It is nearly 3:30 am and I have just finished up preparing information for a meeting with my divorce lawyer tomorrow. Unfortunately, the peaceful divorce I wanted seems to not be the way it is going to go. If I could not fight and still support my kids fully then I would but I can't.

Anyway, in order to provide lawyer with full picture my mom kept urging me to detail DS's care...I did but boy do I feel like crap. I was not emotional for any of the rest but to detail the extra expense, extra work missed, extra hours put in for doctors, therapy, follow up activities to therapy, etc I feel like the worst mom in the world.

 

I would do all that for him again and more so it just seems wrong to list it on a page like that, as if he were a burden. The tears are of course flowing freely again and I know bed is where I should be.

 

Please don't think I'm so awful, one of my main motivations to finally end my marriage was when my dh started yelling at Matt for his anxiety as if he could simply snap out of it or just stop worrying and escalating. He has not participated in ANY of Matt's care or school meetings re: his condition or to even remember Matt's meds when he is at his house! Anyway thanks for just letting me vent.

[tpotter]

Cyber Hug. You are a great mom!

[JAG10]

My dad was not a great dad for a child; we have a much better relationship as adults. But, he did know enough to get out of my mom's way when they divorced ( i was 2) and let her do what he knew she was better at; parenting a typical child. A child with special needs, well that's a whole other story we all know to well. It's so sad when people get lost in the process of the fight rather than what they are actually fighting for.

 

Perhaps your husband isn't the most mature individual under these circumstances. It must truly be so hard on you to have to choose one love over another. Maybe this thought process can help you cope; when a parent needs to advocate for their child to get services from their school or insurance or any agency, that parent demonstrates their child's needs to make the most powerful case to reach that end. This is basically what you are doing and their is nothing wrong with that. Do your best as you have with so much in parenting this special child to stay goal oriented.

 

You are articulating your child's needs and how those needs are being met. If that happens to be "by mom" over and over and over, thank God he has you on his side. WARRIOR MOM- calm, focused, determined

[NancyD]

I can definitely empathize with you, becjonz. I've been there as well. It is important that the judge knows exactly what your daily responsiblities are with respect to your son so you can get the child support (and perhaps alimony) you need. I definitely agree with your Mom. For me, it made a huge difference. If you want to email or PM me I am happy to share with you what I wrote up when I was going through my divorce several years ago. My daughter's dad was not involved in her life when we were married and he is even less involved now. In fact, he was downright abusive to her because of her behavior, which he felt he could "fix" with his "bullying" parenting style! Just know you are doing what you need to do for your son. You're a great Mom!

 

Nancy

[Mary M]

The bottom line is--what we do as parents is for our children, you are making your child a priority, your dh is not. You are in the right...very few would have the endurance to raise a child with PANDAS. Cry, get it out, and continue to be the phenomenal mom you are, advocating for your child at all cost.

[becjonz]

Gosh, this is why I love this board. I came home from the lawyers feeling overwhelmed, overtired(!) and down. My boys are sadly with their dad so I don't have them as my focus right now but after spending an hour doing more research in preparation for court tomorrow, peppered with calls from my parents including one where my dad wants me to fire my lawyer I finally thought I'd give up, take a nap and hope things look better later. But as is always the case I can't be on the internet and not check this board....

Well, I was in tears again but this time because you guys are so amazing. I so appreciate the support and kind, caring messages. Your words were exactly what I needed today! thanks so much for the hugs and support!