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How do you parent a child with difficult behaviors caused by pandas?

 

DS, 5, has rages, explosions and anxiety. He lashes out at us, screams that he hates us, tries to hit us...

 

How do you handle this in a kid that has pandas? We've been approaching it as we would any kid but it's not helping. We try to use positive discipline (when we're not exahusted and frustrated), punishment just seems to be more than this kid can handle.

 

What do you do in the throws of a meltdown? Is there any parenting we can do that will help him handle future ones?

 

He's completely terrified all the kids at school to the point that they won't play with him :) He has a real problem with anything unexpected or any conflict with another child. If someone bumps into him accidentally he shrieks uncontrollably and is angry witht hem for days.

 

Any advice at all? Nothing we've tried works. We've tried showing him the appropriate behaviors, acting them out, writing stories.....

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I have just started reading The Explosive Child. I have only gotten to the beginning where they describe the explosive child so not sure more on it but am anxiously trying to get to where they talk about how to parent them! I have heard good things about the book but can't talk from experience with it just yet.

 

 

How do you parent a child with difficult behaviors caused by pandas?

 

DS, 5, has rages, explosions and anxiety. He lashes out at us, screams that he hates us, tries to hit us...

 

How do you handle this in a kid that has pandas? We've been approaching it as we would any kid but it's not helping. We try to use positive discipline (when we're not exahusted and frustrated), punishment just seems to be more than this kid can handle.

 

What do you do in the throws of a meltdown? Is there any parenting we can do that will help him handle future ones?

 

He's completely terrified all the kids at school to the point that they won't play with him :) He has a real problem with anything unexpected or any conflict with another child. If someone bumps into him accidentally he shrieks uncontrollably and is angry witht hem for days.

 

Any advice at all? Nothing we've tried works. We've tried showing him the appropriate behaviors, acting them out, writing stories.....

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[Thank you both. Have read The Explosive Child and love it.

 

He has a current strep infection so on abx and will be on them afterwards as well. Will check into steroid burst!

 

quote name=fuelforall' date='Feb 4 2010, 12:22 PM' post='54599]

Well, Ross Greene's The Explosive Child has some clues. Discipline is fuggedaboudit. Watch for triggers. Be flexible. Of course, there are times when there is no reasoning with them and you just have to wait for it to blow over.

 

Get abx and or steroid boost. Might be worth a shot.

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How do you parent a child with difficult behaviors caused by pandas?

 

DS, 5, has rages, explosions and anxiety. He lashes out at us, screams that he hates us, tries to hit us...

 

How do you handle this in a kid that has pandas? We've been approaching it as we would any kid but it's not helping. We try to use positive discipline (when we're not exahusted and frustrated), punishment just seems to be more than this kid can handle.

 

What do you do in the throws of a meltdown? Is there any parenting we can do that will help him handle future ones?

 

He's completely terrified all the kids at school to the point that they won't play with him :) He has a real problem with anything unexpected or any conflict with another child. If someone bumps into him accidentally he shrieks uncontrollably and is angry witht hem for days.

 

Any advice at all? Nothing we've tried works. We've tried showing him the appropriate behaviors, acting them out, writing stories.....

 

I feel this is one of the hardest parts of having a child with PANDAS. My husband and I still struggle with knowing what to do in the various situations (most of my daughters(9) behaviors show up at home, not school). One thing I do work on is not engaging too much in the rage or tantrums...to me it is like trying to talk to an alcoholic about their drinking while they're drunk. I go to the place of making sure no one gets injured in the moment and try to reach her in a teachable moment later.

One pattern I see with my daughter is that if her mood turns to rage, she usually has some virus or infection brewing. For ex, when she was on full dose zythromax for a month and doing ok, she changed and her behavior tanked. She had developed a new ear infection....but never c/o ear pain....I knew to have her checked based on the behavior. Also, post T&A surgery, when her mood changed we increased her Augmentin dose with improvments seen in 2 days. So, just make sure there are no new things that can be treated in his system.

Finally, I too like the book the Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Maybe there are some tips you can take from there.

Best wishes as this is not an easy path for any of us.

Joanne

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Hi,

 

I know exactly what you are going thru. Our son had the same type of explosive rages (I called them episodes they were so bad). A mom on this forum gave me some advise she got from the book everyone is talking about, The Explosive Child. It worked wonders. Here is what she shared with me.

 

In the book The Explosive Child by Russ Greene he talks about how the child is usually giving a solution such as "I'm not going" rather than stating a concern "I'm afraid I won't know anyone." You say "you're not going. Why" You keep saying back to him what he's saying and it helps him unravel what the problem is.

 

You keep repeating back to him in a calm almost monitone voice his statement and then add why? to the end of what you say. He answers back you do the same thing again repeating what he has said and asking why?

 

The result for us was that our son (5) was somehow able to calm down after several questions.. I often felt like I could see his brain switching gears. Having to answer the question pulled him out of the emotion of it all. As he calmed down after servral "why questions" we were able to talk with him about what was reallhy going on. Then able to help him get what he needed.

 

This method has saved us many times. The trick is that you must get it right at the start of a tantrum. If it goes to far you cant get thru to them to even ask questions.

 

Try it. Good luck. And FYI- treatment has really helped our boys (twins with Pandas) and we have not had any "episodes" whatsoever for more than 3 months now. There is hope!

 

Best, Kari

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First, I'd suggest looking at medical intervention ASAP: culture/titers/antibiotics/etc.

 

BUT, you still need tools to deal with the behaviors when they happen. This has been one of the most difficult issues for us. We began working with a therapist a year ago when the pediatrician suggested Bipolar Disorder. Our management of behavior in the middle of the crisis moment has not changed, in spite of the change in our suspected diagnosis.

 

She suggested:

1. during rages: keep everyone safe, be the calmest one in the room, lower your voice, lower the lights/noise level; focus on the immediate goal: calming the emotion. He can be in his room alone, IF HE IS SAFE.

2. firmly, but gently use therapeutic hold child if NOT safe (ie. hitting self, hitting walls, destroying room). (she trained us how to do this safely/gently). We say, "I will hold you until I trust you will be safe".

3. delay consequences overnight. **you are NOT a permissive/bad parent if you delay until everything is calm and all can resume rational thought.** Our ds has deep remorse/self-loathing when rages end- sobs and sobs, says "I'm a terrible person; why do I have to live" (often lasts over 2 hours and usually at bedtime); next day, he is calm and very eager to "make things right".

4. Next day: we discuss in matter-of-fact, NEUTRAL manner: We love you (with a smile and a real hug). But, last night was a bummer and the BEHAVIOR was unacceptable and took a lot of energy; how can you repay our energy? (He feels terrible already, and needs to feel loved; "he" is NOT his behavior!) He needs to have a way to make things right: extra jobs/chores, writing apologies, doing something positive for the family- making a meal for everyone (age appropriate), etc. We relax and read while he is busy, and he really feels like he is taking care of us... he's so eager to make things "right". Then, when it's over, it's over and we never mention past meltdowns. Bygones.

We also tell him that we know he has more trouble controlling himself when he is not feeling well, but that he has to begin to monitor his health and emotions; we can begin to help him become self-aware in the hopes that as he gets older he can self-monitor and begin to predict illness onset by his emotional responses. (baby-steps toward future self-control/self-monitoring...)

5. reward self-control and positive behaviors; we use this when things start ramping up and are getting more challenging; during honeymoon phases, we put it away- keeps the novelty factor: we did poker chips with a jar; made a list of most problematic behaviors and rewarded all behavior we wanted to target: brushing teeth, getting up and ready for school on time, kind words to brother, helping when asked, etc; could earn 1-5 poker chips, depending on how much we wanted to emphasize each behavior. Full jar= earn a fun reward (family movie, bowling, small toy/game, sleepover) We tried to pick a jar that could be filled in 2 weeks if all behaviors were done well. We only GAVE chips; never took any away for punishment. This was positive reward only; not bribery, but reinforcing desired behaviors and training these to be more automatic.

 

Cannot overemphasize how profoundly helpful the therapist has been as we've navigated all this. She very quickly told us that he didn't seem to fit the profile of bipolar disorder, which allowed us to consider other possibilities. The parental coaching has been the most valuable and helped us to unify our approach and better support each other when the going gets rough.

 

However, NOTHING HELPS if he's SICK; we just try NOT TO MAKE THINGS WORSE by ramping up with frustration/emotion ourselves. That's when we use the techniques to keep everyone safe until we can get him some antibiotic treatment.

 

Best of luck...

JT

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I agree with JT. This also sounds a lot like what we are doing with our DD. Our people call it ABA. But it is working on the behaviors that are so detrimental to your household. They are behavior therapists that have been immensely helpful to us. I agree with JT that not much helps when the child is sick. But we did hire the behaviorists to come specifically for when DD is sick so that they can see what we go through and offer suggestions. There is a HUGE difference in the amount of struggle we encounter with the behaviorists when DD is sick vs when she is healthy.

 

I also second the Explosive Child book. But every family's situation is unique, and having a consultant come to your house to guide you can be extremely helpful. THe people we are working with work mostly with autistic children. But they also have had children and adults with mental disorders as well. I found this very comforting to know that they have success in modifying behaviors of some extremely challenging individuals. They have helped us immensely.

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My son was 5 when had explosive rages that included hitting me, kicking me, ripping my clothes, saying horrible things a 5 year old should not even think to say. This along with OCD, ODD, sensory, etc, etc.

 

When my son is in an exacerbation and not yet in recovery mode, he is a different child, he is not a normal child, he is dealt with differently. He did not have reasoning. A lot he did was done on animal instinct.I did not discipline him. You cannot punish a child who does not have control over what they are doing. What he needed was love, patience, and respect. I would stand ther in tears tackling him to the floor bear hugging him, making sure his feet could not start going crazy kicking.

 

I sat there rocking him, singing "mommy loves ___". Eventually, he'd calm down. That was done, we would go with life....until it happened again.

 

when he'd get like that, I'd close the windows (it was warmer months), I'd tell siblings to leave the room. He wasn't a show for others to watch. he was my son and I gave him as much respect as I could.

 

One of the most memorable turning points I have is when he was about to meltdown in rage. I picked him up, he was about to hit me and in mid air he lowered his hand. Without my prompting or begging. It was then I knew I was going to get him back. Now my son is doing well. he is back to being a normal child. I now discipline (even though I do find this hard since I am scared if he gets sick again I will have bad memories of not being nice to him), I can give him ultimatums and he responds to them, he understand right from wrong again, life is back to how it should be.

 

 

How long has he been on abx for that infection? How long has it been since that infection?

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