Help me handle this

[deagar]

How does everyone handle seeing your child go through the tuff stages and not being able to "fix it"? I am really having a hard time with this. I always want to make things better and this time I can't. It is so frustrating and stressful. Since my son is 11 1/2, I am hoping we are near the end of the worse stuff. It breaks my heart to see him go through this and I know I am not alone. I have gotten massages, tried meditation etc., etc. My husband handles things very well and says "he'll be fine" and I know he will but I just can't let it go. I am also frustrated because I try to eliminate screens for 1 week and what does my husband do but ask him if he wants to watch a movie...or I try to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and then my husband buys something with it in there. I feel so alone. I know we will get through this but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it a little easier to deal with?

[lovmyboyz]

How does everyone handle seeing your child go through the tuff stages and not being able to "fix it"? I am really having a hard time with this. I always want to make things better and this time I can't. It is so frustrating and stressful. Since my son is 11 1/2, I am hoping we are near the end of the worse stuff. It breaks my heart to see him go through this and I know I am not alone. I have gotten massages, tried meditation etc., etc. My husband handles things very well and says "he'll be fine" and I know he will but I just can't let it go. I am also frustrated because I try to eliminate screens for 1 week and what does my husband do but ask him if he wants to watch a movie...or I try to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and then my husband buys something with it in there. I feel so alone. I know we will get through this but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it a little easier to deal with?

[Chemar]

((((deagar))))

 

I think every parent here can identify with how you are feeling. As mother's it is our "job" to "make things better" and when we cant, it does feel like personal failure, even tho with tics/TS we can do all we know how and still have to face the fact that the tics are there.

 

when my son was younger and things were real severe, I used to spend many an hour on my knees weeping, and sometimes would even have to pull the car over after dropping him at school to let out my own fears and anguish!

Yet here he is now, 20yo and doing so well.....yes, he still has tics .....but oh what a difference now vs then!

 

have you tried getting you husband to read something like Sheila's book to maybe help him understand the importance of the things you are trying to eliminate? If it is any consolation, even tho my son does have some photosensitive induced tics, he himself flatly refused to give up his TV or video/computer games etc, but he did consent to always keeping the daylight lamp on to prevent the flashing/darkened room effect, and we use only the LCD screens. Thankfully tho he did become the monitor of all unhealthy food and refused to consume it even at a younger age.

 

anyways, I do hope perhaps your hubby will read the book and so at least you will not feel so alone in your attempts to improve things. Did you read the "It's OK to Tic" post?

http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=1182

 

doesnt mean we stop trying to make things better, but hopefully just helps us get things in perspective

 

all the best and hopes for 2010 to bring relief from the stress and anxiety, and for your son's tics to wane much!

[Fixit]

How does everyone handle seeing your child go through the tuff stages and not being able to "fix it"? I am really having a hard time with this. I always want to make things better and this time I can't. It is so frustrating and stressful. Since my son is 11 1/2, I am hoping we are near the end of the worse stuff. It breaks my heart to see him go through this and I know I am not alone. I have gotten massages, tried meditation etc., etc. My husband handles things very well and says "he'll be fine" and I know he will but I just can't let it go. I am also frustrated because I try to eliminate screens for 1 week and what does my husband do but ask him if he wants to watch a movie...or I try to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and then my husband buys something with it in there. I feel so alone. I know we will get through this but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it a little easier to deal with?

 

I am so sorry you and your child are going through this!!!! I am so sorry for everyone here!!!!! I feel like exactly like you do. My worst times are mornings because i don't what i'll wake up to and getting him off the bus...analysing how bad/good he doing and does that measure how is day was today and the rest of the day.....And even though he may be doing well, i have a hard time being in the room with him(even then i am thinking about him) because it like someone yanking my insides as i can't stop watchng to see what else is going on...I think the realization is becausee modern medicine has not done much with this......so it is up to the parents to observe, observe, observe and figure out what was the trigger and why did it change and change and change...it has consumed me.......it is not like diabities and you live normally and dont'eat this or that......YOU need to find the trigger and figure out how to get rid of it and get the docs to cooperate if they have something you can't get on your own.

 

My hs is vvverrryy cooperative with what i try. Maybe you need to have a stern sit down with your ds and say we are trying this for x time and then we are trying the next thing.(and you know what is helping, now we all get skeved out by the processed stuff, it becomes natural).and this is for ds and ds's kids, so if his kids are triggered maybe he will have a good lead or by then, all of us wonderful parents/individuals will have figured every combinaton and trigger and rememdy!

Tell him this is this is the most important thing to you as mom(in your life right now)...and you appreciate his positive attitude and that helps you and you hope he is right, but in the mean time lets see what else we can do and we will all be healthier for it!!!

[faith]

deager,

I'm going to give you a bit of another prospective, and hope it helps. While I can relat 100% about wanting to fix it all and make things better, and trying to do this all on your own,... some of my experience wants to tell you that maybe its actually a good thing to have a husband who is more laid back and thinks all will be fine. We kind of need that balance. My husband is 'cooperative', but I know he probably gets frustrated with some of the things I try to implement and not to mention the money spent on various doctors and other modalities. We are the mohters, and while our spouses love these kids as much as we do, we are the nurturers, the fixers, the MOMMY's.....

 

But I think for the chid's sake, we don't want to let them (our child) see all this anguish and make them feel like there really is something 'wrong' with them. I have gone thru the whole gammit of trying this and trying that, the dietary restrictions, the supplements, the no screens, all of it...but what I try to do is not exactly let my son totally know what is going on, because I can see that now he is getting older (going on eleven soon), he is not wanting to feel 'different' and I'm actually seeing some glimpses of resentment. Of course he knows that some of this was necessary to see if it could help, I know he was getting tired of it all and it was getting harder to get him to comply. Everytime I get caught up in something else (i.e. chiropractic, NAET, visiting a new doc, having a blood test) he expresses doubt that its going to help, altho he'll go along with it. I don't want my son to think that I am on this quest to 'fix' him. Of course I want his tics to alleviate, I want his ocd tendencies to be lessened, and I'd love his attention/focus in school to improve. But he is not only those things, there is alot more to him than that, and I want him to know that he has some other good qualities. having your husband treat your son as tho his issues are no big deal is actually a good thing, and we should really start showing that kind of attitude whenever we can. we have to, or our child's self-esteem will suffer in the long run. I've been dealing with this for enough time to see that. We can keep our fears and stressful moments to ourselves and still do what we can to search for things that might help. But I do think there is a time to back off, and I try to do that as much as I can. When my son complains about his problems, I say to him, 'it's no big deal, all kids have something going on', and then I let him know that some of the things we are persuing is a trial to see if it helps some, if it helps, great, if it doesn't, well its okay too. I think I have come a ways, but being that my son is coming into his pre-teen years, HE is the one who sometimes gets down about his issues, he is very aware of them and kind of feels like he has a whole package of stuff going on, that's when I start to feel bad.

 

I think its perfectly reasonable to look into all we can and try what we can, but I think we also have to draw the line on how much time to give something and gauge how much it helps and if its worth it all. For instance, as far as dietary goes, I am confident that some things are just not good for our kids with these kind of issues, however, as my son has always been on the very low percentile in weight, its not been easy. So recently, I've had to relax quite a bit on the restrictions, as he fell off the chart. I just watch now and don't give only what I absolutely know is a problem for him. He has even blamed me for his being so skinny. So my point is, let's do what we gotta do, but we have to gauge how much its worth as well, and find the 'balance'. Don't be upset at your husband, he's just trying to maintain 'normalcy', and that's a good thing. I agree with Fixit, talk about something you want to do and give it 'x' amount of time, that could make it a little more feasible and easier to comply with.

 

Hope this helps some, it helps me to actually say this to someone else, as "I" need that reminder too.

 

Faith

[deagar]

Thanks so much for everyone's comments. There has been a lot of great info given and I will soak it all in! Thank You!

[patty]

deagar,

 

i have not been very active on the board recently, as i have been busy treating my son for his OCD, teeth and bite issues. i totally understand what you are going thru, as i too have a very inactive hs who didn't think our son's tic was a problem, even tho my son was in pain, nor did he take any interest in our diet modification or educate himself about tics, ts, and any comorbid conditions that comes w/it. he does however, support my decision in all the changes and my taking my son to different drs as long as he does not have any involvement.

 

my advise is to seek support elsewhere, like this forum. parents here understand and has much to offer. or support from trusted friends. it has carried me thru the last four years. educating myself was also very helpful becuz then i don't need to talk to my hs about my decisions. i get frustrated talking to him because he understand so little that he can't even carry on a discussion. sorry that i sound so bitter and even angry. i feel like i am the only one here w/ a nonsupportive spouse!!!

 

i understand your frustration about going at it alone. i am esp sympathic to your son. as a mom, i know how hard it is to feel helpless. i do hope that your son will get better as he gets older.

 

i don't know your son's background info, but i can tell you what modalities has helped my son, acupuncture, craniosacral and NAET along w/a comprehensive lifestyle change. if you are interested in any the modalities that work for us, just ask, i would be glad to answer any questions.

 

i know things may be rough right now w/your son, but i can tell you when you find the right modality or tic trigger the tics will get better and so much better.

 

pat

[bev]

How does everyone handle seeing your child go through the tuff stages and not being able to "fix it"? I am really having a hard time with this. I always want to make things better and this time I can't. It is so frustrating and stressful. Since my son is 11 1/2, I am hoping we are near the end of the worse stuff. It breaks my heart to see him go through this and I know I am not alone. I have gotten massages, tried meditation etc., etc. My husband handles things very well and says "he'll be fine" and I know he will but I just can't let it go. I am also frustrated because I try to eliminate screens for 1 week and what does my husband do but ask him if he wants to watch a movie...or I try to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and then my husband buys something with it in there. I feel so alone. I know we will get through this but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it a little easier to deal with?

 

I am so sorry you and your child are going through this!!!! I am so sorry for everyone here!!!!! I feel like exactly like you do. My worst times are mornings because i don't what i'll wake up to and getting him off the bus...analysing how bad/good he doing and does that measure how is day was today and the rest of the day.....And even though he may be doing well, i have a hard time being in the room with him(even then i am thinking about him) because it like someone yanking my insides as i can't stop watchng to see what else is going on...I think the realization is becausee modern medicine has not done much with this......so it is up to the parents to observe, observe, observe and figure out what was the trigger and why did it change and change and change...it has consumed me.......it is not like diabities and you live normally and dont'eat this or that......YOU need to find the trigger and figure out how to get rid of it and get the docs to cooperate if they have something you can't get on your own.

 

My hs is vvverrryy cooperative with what i try. Maybe you need to have a stern sit down with your ds and say we are trying this for x time and then we are trying the next thing.(and you know what is helping, now we all get skeved out by the processed stuff, it becomes natural).and this is for ds and ds's kids, so if his kids are triggered maybe he will have a good lead or by then, all of us wonderful parents/individuals will have figured every combinaton and trigger and rememdy!

Tell him this is this is the most important thing to you as mom(in your life right now)...and you appreciate his positive attitude and that helps you and you hope he is right, but in the mean time lets see what else we can do and we will all be healthier for it!!!

 

 

 

Hi Fixit,

 

I have just read your reply and would like to comment on something you said. My son is a type 1 diabetic (11) on an insulin pump and he also tics. I am fairly sure you made the comment about 'it is not like diabetes and you live normally and dont eat this or that' with the best of intentions. But i have to say to you that although tics are bad - diabetes is much much worse to cope with. There is a condition called DIB (dead in bed) syndrome, which all diabetics are at risk from. Basically it means that at any time during the night he could drop dead because of a problem with the heart that is something only found in diabetics. Obviously - i dont sleep and listen out for anything odd. Then there is the small problem of whether he will go blind, lose his kidneys, lose an arm or leg through gangrene, and other more minor conditions.

 

Watching your child sit on the sidelines whilst his pals play because his level is too low or too high is heartbreaking to say the least! Telling him he cant have an ice-cream at his own birthday party is also heartbreaking. Knowing that other children are all having sleepovers - and he isnt invited because people are too scared of diabetes is heartbreaking.

Diabetes is a 'dark art' and it never has a day off.

Whilst modern technology has come along leaps and bounds to help us with keeping good control - there is still the risk that it wont work for him. So i live in absolute fear that one day he wont be here or that he will go blind etc..

 

I am fairly sure that you didnt mean any offence with your comment. But i feel it is my duty to educate the general public in the condition that is often referred to as the 'silent killer'.

 

I apologise if i have offended you - that is not my intention. I just feel a huge need to make people understand that diabetes is ###### on earth to deal with and shouldnt be dismissed as something as simple as eating the right foods - i wish! Bev x