How do you explain it to others?

[Guest wyrd]

I made the earlier post "Is it OCD?"

 

After reading other people's replies to that, and thinking about it a bit more myself, I think it most probably is.

 

I'm not sure if it's a temporary thing, because I've been thinking about it more, but I've noticed that my checking things seems to of got slightly worse lately. I always managed to hide it before, somehow. Or I assume I did - If I didn't no one ever commented on it. But recently my partner seems to have noticed that some of the things I do are slightly "odd" (couldn't think of a better word to describe it). He's asked me what I'm doing when I've gone back to check a light switch is turned off completely, for example. This kind of thing has happened more than once. It always makes me feel very awkward, and I make up some excuse or lie. I'm not sure if he believes me, but so far he hasn't challenged any of my replies. I think it's only a matter of time before he does start to challenge my excuses, and I really would have no idea how to explain what I do, because I can't really explain it even to myself.

 

I think I would like to tell my partner, but I just don't know how to explain this to someone else who hasn't experienced this, in a way that they'd understand. So I was just wondering how other people had explained this to others? Thanks.

[Guest Kirsty]

I just came across post - I am sixteen and on the way to being diagnosed with OCD... after about seven years of being alone I'm finally getting there. I think I can help you. I first needed to tell someone a couple of months ago, and I was failing at school and the OCD got so much worse, so I wrote a letter and gave it to my homeroom teacher, and I'm seeing a physcologist soon. I found that it really helped because as I wrote down all of my rituals and obsessions I knew that I could quite easily not give it to her or anyone, but I managed to give it to her as I handed some homework in. If you write a letter to the doctor about your rituals and compulsions, etc, and make an appointment and take your partner? It probably sounds lame coming from a sixteen year old girl, but what the hey. When I wrote my letter I didn't directly say ''OCD'' because I didn't want her to think I was faking it or acting like a hypocondriac... if you pretend that you've got no idea it might be OCD, it will be loads easier. I found it to be, anyway. I'd not even mentioned OCD to anyone until last week with my counseller - I asked her if it was OCD and she said it was probably the onset, but that's stupid cause more than seven years has probably given it time to develop into something deeper than ''just the onset.'' I know, even if they don't. Has anyone noticed your rituals or compulsions?

 

Jazzy

[Guest wyrd]

Thank you for replying.

 

I still haven't told my partner about my possible OCD, but I have made an appointment to see a medical profesional about it. I decided it might be easier to tell someone who I'm not so close to at first, and I'll try to tell my partner another time, when I feel more comfortable about doing it.

 

Oh and don't think what you said sounded lame just because you're 16, nothing you said sounded lame to me. Thanks

[tictoc]

Wyrd,

I revised this because I had misinterpreted your posts-- don't know whether that's AS/not 'getting' t hings or AD/distracted, or was thinking about something else.

[Guest tchanskyphd]

Hello, I just happened upon this site, and was interested to see how many people are talking about PANDAS. I am a child OCD specialist and work with many families whose lives are turned upside down by the sudden onset of severe OCD symptoms in their child. In Philadelphia where I practice, there are some wonderful pediatricians who are willing to do testing and this is so helpful to parents. Others are incredulous about PANDAS and refuse to pursue the tests. In any case, I'm glad that word is getting out about PANDAS and that there are so many knowledgable parents out there getting what they need for their kids.

 

In terms of "how to explain it..." I have written a couple of books about OCD and anxiety, and offer many different ways of explaining OCD to others-- for example, many adults like the idea of referring to OCD as junk mail, in that the brain disguises the nonsensical and scary messages of OCD (much like how junk mail is sneaky in trying to personalize what is basically useless offers) and makes the sufferer feel that there is something very wrong just with them, rather than telling it like it is, that their thoughts are exactly like the other millions of people with OCD and are nothing personal. In terms of explaining it to someone who doesn't have OCD, some folks find it helpful to refer to the anxiety one feels before leaving the house before vacation-- everyone checks and rechecks "just in case"-- imagine feeling that way everyday of your life. Others prefer the idea of "sticky thoughts", i.e., OCD may be thoughts that get stuck in the mind that would be filtered out or dismissed easily if you didn't have OCD. If you are interested in these metaphors and seeing pictures that illustrate them, you may wish to look at my books-- Freeing Your Child from OCD and Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. Best wishes to all, Tamar Chansky

[tictoc]

I made the earlier post "Is it OCD?"

 

"It's like sometimes I manage to stop doing one thing, after a lot of effort, but then it's replaced by something else. But I've been doing these kind of things for as long as I can remember. I guess I just didn't think about if it was normal or not when I was very young, as young children don't tend to think like that. And there has been breaks when I haven't experienced any of these things at all. If this is OCD, wouldn't I be experiencing these things all the time?

I really would have no idea how to explain what I do, because I can't really explain it even to myself."

 

... I think I would like to tell my partner, but I just don't know how to explain this to someone else who hasn't experienced this,  in a way that they'd understand. So I was just wondering how other people had explained this to others? Thanks.

Explaining things like this to someone who hasn't experienced it is common problem. I think putting it in some way other than you think it 'makes sense' to you is a good idea. Not to sound like a Speech 101 lecturer, I think it would help, also, to "keep your audience in mind". Esp. if your partner tends not to relate to analogies or metaphors, or gets impatient with an explanation that is perhaps seeming to be 'beating around the bush'. Also, pre-think whether the way you're going to put it might be mis-interpret-ed or -able by your partner; that will perhaps be a challenge for you because maybe you might not 'see' in advance how putting it a certain way might be misinterpreted, esp. 'hurt feelings' or be interpreted as 'insulting'.

I know that some people like it when other people are forthright and ''get to the point'; I hope your partner is like this! Probably your partner's mind will already be concerned about now what or how did this happen or should I re-evaluate what I previously thought about you, etc. [ie maybe pre-obsess a bit while you're doing the very talking about it]; so pre-plan to be patient. And, also to try to not reiterate or repeat the explanations over and over (both an OC and AD predisposition).

Just technically speaking, OCD is characterized by 'synchronization' problems, esp. being intermittent, recurring, reiterative, yada yada yada, ok, yada yada yada, ok, yada ... To my ADD brain this is not 'odd' in an 'odd' sort of way, which is that my brain is similarly 'odd', but tends not to recycle to the same pont in the same track (like a record skipping in place) but skips to another track and then can kind of obsess about staying there, like block things out/hyperfocus/get engrossed. The part that is kind of 'deja vu' is getting hyper-focused and somewhat absent-minded; OC is both but repeats itself, like I was saying about a record skipping in place. The being replaced by YADA (yet another disordered attention) is ok 'wyrd'-ly repetitive in its own way, ie is self-same-- the underlying disorder has longer 'time constants', such as a tune that you get stuck in your head-- pops in, obsesses you for a day or two, pops out, but then will /deja vu/ recur, hunoz where hunoz when but you know it's going to happen.

The deja vu notion analogy might help esp. concerning your own personal actions in the past that your partner might not recall but now might be able to re-interpret in a 'truer' light. Perhaps: "you know how I'm always getting tunes stuck in my head? Well, everybody does that-- you do it-- but it happens alot more frequently and takes longer to work out than you, right?" Putting it in terms your partner CAN understand and has done but not LIKE the extent to which you do it. Kind of like a 'living' analogy.

Well, I hope these help, and good luck.

[Sheila]

To Dr. Chansky,

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to post on our Forum. Your suggestions are helpful and new to most of our readers.

 

Perhaps you saw the article on PANDAS on our site (under Tics and Tourettes), in which Dr. Vojdani frequently refers to your work.

 

I plan to follow up with you off the Forum as I would like to feature your books and your insights in our quarterly publication, Latitudes.

 

Thanks again, and best wishes, Sheila

 

Sheila Rogers

Editor, Latitudes

[JudyLV]

Dr. Chansky,

I just wanted to thank you for these books. I have been going through them to help my 12 year old son and I have learned more about how he is feeling. We are very new to this, although he has had some "quirky" behaviors for years. From my observations he has recently crossed the line to a child who needs some professional help. He has anxiety, obsessive compulsive behaviors and tics (mostly vocal). He has made it clear that he does not want to talk to a therapist about this so I am starting with your books. He seems very relieved to read that someone understands what is going on in his head and that there are ways to help. Hopefully as he understands this more and begins to get some relief from his anxiety he will be open to seeing a therapist.

Thank you!

--Judy

[littlefoot]

I made the earlier post "Is it OCD?"

 

After reading other people's replies to that, and thinking about it a bit more myself, I think it most probably is.

 

I'm not sure if it's a temporary thing, because I've been thinking about it more, but I've noticed that my checking things seems to of got slightly worse lately. I always managed to hide it before, somehow. Or I assume I did - If I didn't no one ever commented on it. But recently my partner seems to have noticed that some of the things I do are slightly "odd" (couldn't think of a better word to describe it). He's asked me what I'm doing when I've gone back to check a light switch is turned off completely, for example. This kind of thing has happened more than once. It always makes me feel very awkward, and I make up some excuse or lie. I'm not sure if he believes me, but so far he hasn't challenged any of my replies. I think it's only a matter of time before he does start to challenge my excuses, and I really would have no idea how to explain what I do, because I can't really explain it even to myself.

 

I think I would like to tell my partner, but I just don't know how to explain this to someone else who hasn't experienced this, in a way that they'd understand. So I was just wondering how other people had explained this to others? Thanks.

 

 

Hi, I am certainly no expert on the subject, but I thought I would put in my 2 cents worth. Anyway, my son has OCD, and the way we describe it is, that he gets brain hiccups. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think it makes sense. Do you do your rituals because you feel you HAVE to? The way my son's psychologist explains it is that your mind gets stuck on certain thoughts that make you feel very uncomfortable, and your rituals (no matter how strange they may seem), are your body's way of relieving the uncomfortable feeling in your mind. I hope that makes sense. You could look up OCD in a search engine, and get more of the technical terms to describe to your partner what you are going through. I think that taking your partner to a doctors appointment with you may be very helpful too. If you haven't gotten help for it yet, I certainly would. From what I hear, the sooner you get help the better chance you have of treating it. I hope this helps, and good luck!!