Jump to content
ACN Latitudes Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Drained

Wife has OCD - marriage is slipping away

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I thought I might just tell my little story and maybe somebody can find solace in knowing that there are others out there in a similar situation - i could not find any article like this for myself so for me, this is sort of a vent for my emotions.

I've been married for 6 months now - my wife was first diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago while we were courting. In retrospect , she always showed signs of OCD however if you aren't aware of what OCD is you just ignore the symptoms, marking it down to sillyness.

The first course of medications stopped about two years ago (we wanted to see if the CBT had worked and if we could manage without medication) and things went down hill again so she started taking the tablets and things stabilised - we were really happy - everything worked perfectly, it was as if the OCD was a bad dream, we went on honeymoon and there was nothing that could have dented our happiness - there was one problem - there was no sex, her libido was down to absolute 0. We went to our psychiatrist who advised slowing down the medication which we did. AT this point my wife had a few side effects (physicall reactions) to stopping the medication which was normal but they persisted and we were advised to stop the medication sooner than initially planned. At first I could not even see the symptoms creeping back into our lives until it was too late. The last two months have seen my wife move out of the house, her break all ties with my folks, attribute all the past happiness and success in our relationship to the drugs and a false reality and the fact that she was not really in controll of herself all that time.

She has realised with much help from her folks that something is wrong and we have been to the psychiatrist again. She has started the medication again (2 weeks) and we've gone to the psychologist we went to previously however the anxiety over our relationship and where its going and the past happiness not being real but a result of her being over-accomodating and lenient is rooted so deeply that she has bombarded me with years of memories, re-worked into this line of thinking. The sad thing is that I cannot remember the things that she brings up and I can't say that it never happened like that (I know the things she says aren't real, i now i would never do those things in the way she puts it now) so i cannot reason the anxiety away and that just serves a a re-inforcement. Everytime I point out that we were happy for all the right reasons, or bring out emails or photos or anything - she is able to create a counter-reason for being happy (so much logic built in to the story that I get totally sucked into a sort of circular argument that ends up in the same place no mater whether I am for or against what is being said).

No matter how hurtfull the things she says to me are, I know that she is having an even harder time right now - and they way her mind is processing her memories and the fact that she's delving into every happy event or normal event and mundane decision we've ever made is an indication of the OCD BUT the pain that I feel is real and the hopelessness and the feeling that I can't enjoy those memories anymore because i can't be sure of any of them anymore myself and the feeling of instability that no matter how much effort I put into this relationship, even when she overcomes this bout of OCD, It could all dissolve away and we need to restart. I just feel very very lost at the moment and theres nobody who will understand what it feels like to have you entire relationship unravelled bit by bit and rewritten by OCD to such an extent that I can't even see things clearly - its only the emails and photos that keep me sort of fixed in myself knowing that its all worth it and we can get back there - even if she doesn't remember everything as happy memories anymore, it can get back there. our next appointment with the psychologist is in two weeks as everybody is on leave for the festive season - i'm unfortunately spending it by myself this year as my wife cannot stand being around me anymore and evry minute with me reminds her of something new that she "just remmbered and doesn't think it was her real decision because the tablets made me think it was okay then and I'm realising now that I should have done it differently..."

I don't know how much longer I can take this as I feel like I am runnning on fumes as I cannot help her through this bout of OCD - I am sort of the cause and trigger for now - and I am also the negative focus... its hard for both parties involved in this situation.

I haven't been eating and I feel the signs of mild depression slowly settling over me...however I've taken steps to prevent this and I have stepped up my exercise levels and adjusted my mindset as much as i can ... however there are moments like now where it all just feels unfair...

I'm just drowning at the moment...i can only imagine what its doing to her...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear your story. But I am very glad to hear that you are trying to take care of yourself. You HAVE to take care of yourself. What you are feeling...the sadness and depression beginning...I think is normal considering everything you have been through lately. OCD can be absolutely horrible for the family as for the person with the ocd...it can stop everything someone believes about their life in it's tracks, as I know you are aware. Good luck to you and your wife and your life together. It sounds like you are trying your best to be a supportive husband. If the two of you have an appointment with a psychologist in two weeks it sounds as if there is still some hope for reconciliation and even if you find out that there is not perhaps the two of you can still support each other as friends someday.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

I have a husband and son who suffer with OCD so I can sympathize

 

we have found that most meds only make things worse and so instead use supplements and diet modification along with acupuncture and this really helps them!

 

may I also suggest a very active OCD forum at PsychCentral where you may find support for you and for your wife too. The other forums there may also prove helpful to you

http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=72

 

all the best and I hope you are able to work though this together. I know it isnt easy, but after 25 years of marriage I can tell you with certainty that it is possible to get through this together!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  



  • Announcements

    • Administrator



      Forum Community Guidelines

      Our forums provide support for people dealing with neurological and related issues. Everyone joining this community should find it a safe haven where they are treated with respect, civility, and understanding.

      Your agreement as a user: You agree that you will not use this forum to post or send messages that are knowingly false, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, obscene, profane, or sexually oriented. Text should not be defamatory, harsh, accusatory, intimidating, slanderous, an invasive of a person's privacy, or violate any law. Doing so may lead to you being banned (and your service provider may be informed). The IP address of all posts is recorded to aid in enforcing these conditions. You agree that the webmaster, administrator, and moderators of this forum have the right to remove, edit, move, or close any topic at any time should they see fit. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by this forum/website. Advertisements, solicitations for services or business, most research requests, as well as any type of research on the content of these forums by third-parties, are prohibited. Unauthorized use or reproduction of posts on these forums is not allowed. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact an administrator.

      Announcements, media requests, and research requests

      These need administrative approval. Please send to an administrator before posting.

      Inappropriate content

      Members are here for support and education. Check the list below for types of posts that are not allowed: Advertisements Flames or messages meant to intimidate, criticize, or harass others Threatening or obscene messages Messages discussing a private message (PM) from others Copyrighted materials that you do not own the rights to, except educational or research articles Messages containing or condoning illegal acts; also messages of suicidal intent Direct discussion of politics (please avoid) Specific or strong religious views Requests for donations for other organizations unless approved by administrator Solicitation of members for research, media projects or other projects, without prior administrative approval About links for other websites:

      You may have links in your profile as long as they do not violate our guidelines (above). Links within a post to online resources and articles are generally OK. Do not post links to other forum communities with the aim of soliciting other members to that community, thereby taking them away from this community.

      When a guideline is violated

      If you violate a guideline, you will be contacted by PM or email. We will try to resolve things amicably. We don’t like to ban members and rarely do, but this is an option.

      Updated March 19, 2010
    • Administrator



      Disclaimer

      The ACN Online Discussion Boards are intended to provide helpful information and allow sharing of ideas. Postings should not be considered as medical advice. All users should consult with their healthcare professional for questions or medical decisions.

      Users must accept full responsibility for using the information on this site and agree that ACN, Latitudes.org, advisory staff or others associated with the site are not responsible or liable for any claim, loss, or damage resulting from its use. Please remember that we do not actively monitor all posted messages and cannot be responsible for the content within. We can also not guarantee that access to the site will be error-free or virus-free.

      Reproducing any document in whole or in part is prohibited unless prior written consent is obtained. Web pages may be shared when passed on with the URL.

      Information posted on the Forum is done so voluntarily and will be accessible to the public. The material posted may be used by ACN (without the identity of the user) for publications or educational purposes. No compensation will be provided for the use of this material.

      Note: ACN is providing this service with the expectation that users will abide by the guidelines provided. We reserve the right to monitor postings and remove or refuse inappropriate and questionable material, as well as remove dated postings at our discretion, for any reason.

      Privacy Policy

      When you register with the Forum, you need only give your email address, which is available only to the Adminstrators and will not be shared on the Forum site or with others in any format. Forum users will see only the user name you choose to provide.

      Our web server collects and saves default information logged by World Wide Web server software. Our logs contain the date and time, originating IP address and domain name (the unique address assigned to your internet service provider's computer that connects to the internet), object requested, and completion status of the request. We use these logs to help improve our service by evaluating the "traffic" to our site in terms of number of unique visitors, level of demand, most popular page requests, and types of errors.

      You have the option of enabling to save your username and password data when you are accessing interactive parts of our websites, to allow your web browser to "remember" who you are and assist you by "logging on" without you having to type your username and password repeatedly. This is known as a cookie and it can be enabled or disabled in your control panel. Cookies are small files stored on your computer's hard drive that are used to track personal information.

      Except for authorized legal investigations, we will not share any information we receive with any outside parties.

      Updated March 19, 2010
  • Help us learn if blood type has a correlation with PANDAS/PANS   78 members have voted

    1. 1. If you are the biological mother of a child diagnosed with PANDAS or PANS (or you believe the child has PANDAS or PANS), please select your blood type below:


      • O +
      • O -
      • A +
      • A -
      • B +
      • B -
      • AB +
      • AB -
      • I Don't Know

    Please sign in or register to vote in this poll. View topic
×