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Dh is getting negative about ds's condition....


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Can I get some support here? My dh is getting very frustrated with ds's anxiety. The tics don't bother him nearly as much. He thinks we should put him in school b/c ds can't handle criticism, he can't handle much stress, cries at the drop of a hat when you raise your voice at all to him, etc. He's just really sensitive and my dh thinks he's just not going to be able to handle the world as an adult if we don't start putting pressure on him now.

 

I keep reminding him that ds is 9, not 19. But that doesn't seem to sink in. He was raised in a very strict home and went to Catholic school and thinks discipline is the way to go. He even thinks we should discipline ds for his anxiety. My ds's anxiety is mostly religious based stuff and it's pretty intense. Today he had a repetitive worry that he himself created the world and he kept crying b/c he knows that's not true. It's quite heartbreaking for me but my dh thinks it's nonsense and that if we have consequences for the behavior then he'll learn how to snap out of it quicker than if I placate him and try to talk him through it. Today I ended up sending him to his room to 'cry it out' and I heard him playing basketball in his room the whole time. He came down 10 mins. later and says, "I'm ok now" and he's seemed fine since. Hmmm, then I wonder if dh has some validity to what he's saying.

 

I know many of you have dealt with anxiety and OCD as they seem to go hand in hand with tics and Tourettes. We have him in counseling and he's seeing a naturopath who's working on getting him on the correct supplements to help with the anxiety( taurine, B6, theanine, 5-HTP, etc). What I'm looking for here are suggestions in dealing with the anxiety and some supportive words for the future. Folks who have BTDT and made it through(or are making it through). I'm just tired of my dh losing hope for our son's future. He thinks ds will be living with us when he's 35!

 

Anyway, thanks for listening!

 

Bonnie

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((((((Bonnnie))))))

I do so feel for you on this

 

has the Doc tried any GABA short term to see if that might break the cycle of obsessive anxious thought?

 

my son had it for a few weeks during a hyper anxious phase (along with his other OCD supps) and it definitely helped

 

religious OCD is known as scrupulosity so you can try googling for possible tips to help

 

our pastor was very very helpful to my son during a phase he had with that so not sure if yours can help.

 

I do hope your hubby will come to understand that this isnt something one can "discipline" as that could really do psychological harm, especially in one so young where logic & reasoning hasnt yet fully developed

We really did find that reassuring support and understanding was extremely important to my son during those debilitating OCD/anxiety phases.

 

praying for your son and whole family to be able to pull together to help him

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Hi Bonnie,

 

I can really relate to your husband. That was me all those years ago. I did not know anything about Ocd, ADD, ADHD, TS. you name it I had no clue. If I saw a child acting up to their parent, I thought the parent was not doing their job.

 

WOW!!! did I get an eye opener. Here I had a very good child who now can't control his body/words and there was nothing I could do or say to get him to stop.

 

On one hand I'm so thankful I was in la la land when he was younger and we just live our live like the average Joe. But one part of me wishes we did not get hit with this at 12-14yo. It can get trying when you want to be understanding, but the teenager comes out and one really has to tread water to make sure we are doing the right kind of disicpline.

 

I'll be praying for you all. It's hard to be a parent who wants to the right thing.

CP

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Thanks guys! I appreciate the supportive words.

Ds has been reading through a book on anxiety for children and it brings him to tears. I think it's b/c he realizes that he's not the only one and he's not alone and I think it brings up some things that he was once anxious about years ago. He seems better today and I've got him on a new spray that has L-theanine in it so I'm hoping this keeps his levels up during the day.

I'm tempted to find a new naturo who really knows his neurotransmitters. Carolyn N has been taking her son to a guy that's right down the road from me and she said he's great. He's just really expensive! So, we'll see how things go for the rest of the summer. If things don't improve by August I might switch.

Bonnie

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I haven't been following this thread, so I don't know about the anxiety issues and what is causing them and what you have tried. I will, however, post from my own experience.

 

I have always been quite anxious -- no known diagnosis (never thought to seek one), just anxious a lot.

 

I recently went on atenolol - a very mild beta blocker -- for an irregular heartbeat and palpitations. What do you know -- my anxiety went down about 95% almost immediatley. It turns out that is often a side effect of the med and the med is sometimes prescribed just for that reason. I asked my cardiologist about it and he thought it might be because the irregular heartbeat and palpitations were physiologically causing my anxiety -- ie, the body feels the irregularity and palpitations and reacts accordingly.

 

The med is supposed to be quite safe. Don't know if your son has any heartbeat issues/palpitations that might be similar to mine, but I thought I would post just in case it might be helpful.

 

-- Liane

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I would say that if you sent him to his room and he was okay in a few minutes that maybe your DH does have something there. I dont think its nonsense or that your son is making any of it up, I also dont think that he should be punished BUT if sending him to his room works then maybe you should do that not as a punishment but as a way for him to have a time out, deal with it himself and get ahold of himself. Im sure there will be times when he cant do it by himself but I think trying to let him learn to cope might be helpful life tool for him....although Im sure heartbreaking at times for you as you watch him struggle.

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I haven't been following this thread, so I don't know about the anxiety issues and what is causing them and what you have tried. I will, however, post from my own experience.

 

I have always been quite anxious -- no known diagnosis (never thought to seek one), just anxious a lot.

 

I recently went on atenolol - a very mild beta blocker -- for an irregular heartbeat and palpitations. What do you know -- my anxiety went down about 95% almost immediatley. It turns out that is often a side effect of the med and the med is sometimes prescribed just for that reason. I asked my cardiologist about it and he thought it might be because the irregular heartbeat and palpitations were physiologically causing my anxiety -- ie, the body feels the irregularity and palpitations and reacts accordingly.

 

The med is supposed to be quite safe. Don't know if your son has any heartbeat issues/palpitations that might be similar to mine, but I thought I would post just in case it might be helpful.

 

-- Liane

He was complaining about some heart 'feelings' recently. He really couldn't explain them to me. I just figured it was b/c he was anxious as that's usually when I see physical anxiety symptoms. Nausea, lump in throat feeling, and some chest heaviness have all been things he's complained about when he's really stressed.

I think I need to get him to the DR for a workup just to see if there's something else there. But, he's always been anxious, on and off since he was 4 or so. This year is the first year he's ever had real physical symptoms besides the nausea.

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