Jump to content
ACN Latitudes Forums

Confessions


GeeN

Recommended Posts

I have actually forgotten what it is like having fun for myself, especially on the internet. I am a stick in the mud. I am 33 going on 5...or even older. I would just like to be happy for one day and act as if there are no thoughts, no mood swings, no work to be done, and people just to talk to.

 

I need to do a spring cleaning of my life. My thoughts come in different forms. They are thoughts not based on my real life, like the infidelity thoughts. I have no experience with cheating on someone or being cheated on. Thank goodness I don't. That will always be a mystery as to why exactly I have these thoughts.

 

Then there are some obsessions that I have problem with, but they end up making my other obsessions worse in the long run, such as the obsession with Mexican actor Sergio Basanez. I confess that I have been obsessed with this man. It has gotten too much. I confess that I have obsessed with other men for years and some last a few days, and others last much longer. Sergio Basanez lasted two years. It is time for me to start concentrating on someone I will actually meet.

 

It seemed a lot safer for me to obsess. But I realize that it has gotten too far. I allowed it to spiral out of control to a point where it criss-crossed wtih other obsessions like the one about infidelity. For example there is a scenario where I am married to him and I am cheating on him. There is another example where it can criss-cross as in the case of him not getting along with another actor. It is upsetting that he does not get along with someone else because it ruins the illusion that I have based on the obsessions.

 

There is scrupulosity where I have the thoughts that "I am not saved", "You are not doing it right", "You are going to ######", etc. Those are the ones that attack what is very personal and are the most frigtening because eternal is what it is: forever and ever. Those are the most difficult to break out of because they are not based on things that are based on fables. But they are based on truth, on fact.

Then there are the ones that are exaggerated and are based on life events. I was teased when I was younger and those obsessions have brought on guilt and bitterness. I have become more compassionate yet angry at the same times. When I hear someone make a rude comment or make fun of somebody. Anything that triggers something about the past is upsetting to me.

 

Then there are obsessions that don't have any of these effects, though they are not of any concern like racism. It doesn't take over or upset me. Then there are those that are not upsetting or cause any concern but they did in the past. The one about the end of the world are one of those things.

 

I am now in therapy and taking medication. I have taken medications for depression, bipolar, and anxiety over the years. I have taken Wellbutrin, Lithium, Paxil, Lamictal, Risperdal, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, BuSpar, Tegretol, etc. I wonder if the rest of you can relate.

 

I have even thought or wondered if I could be schizophrenic or have aspberger. But I have been diagnosed as having GAD, Bipolar, Depression, and OCD over the years. I have even been hospitalized twice over the years. Because of my illness, I have been teased, laughed at, considered "weird" or "crazy" by others, and have had to change schools once because my counselor thought I wasn't getting any better. I recognized all of this when I went to college at 17 when I first began to not remember other people's names. It has affected life in college, life in high school, my grades. I have difficulty focusing at times.

 

Talking about them helps. I was wondering if diet play a role in the severity of mood swings and obsessive thoughts. I was also wondering if stress play a role. How do I begin to change my ways?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there!

 

It sounds like you are going through a lot of confusing and difficult times in your life. I wanted to send you a post I did a little while back. I know how not knowing about eternity, as you discussed, can be extremely scary. I know it was for me. The great news is you can be 100% certain of your eternity. For me this took so much of the pressure off my life once I came to understand what Christ did and how it was not about my doing right or wrongs but the sacrifice Christ made for me. I am at complete peace now and understand that I have no fear of eternity.

 

Understanding God's eternal love for us is the greatest knowledge we could ever obtain and anything else pales in comparison. It is His love that will put everything else in perspective. Without understanding His love for us our lives will certainly be confusing no matter who you are and what background you might have come from. If you look in the concordance, in the back of the Bible, and look up the word Love you will be amazed at how many passages in the Bible talks about God's love for us. One for example is in Ephesians 3:18-19 and it states "...to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that supasses knowledge". In other words, His love is so great for us we cannot even completely comprehend it as humans. I find that so amazing!

 

I can tell you undoubtably ever obsession I have ever had, once I got God's reality back in the right perspective through scripture, it has given freedom over these obsessions. He has been my healer. I have to remind myself of these truths over and over but what joy it is to know that there is freedom in His truth!

 

Here is the post that I wrote that I thought would help you http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=2623 . If you scroll down in the post, its a long one, it is post #6, #7, and #8 (look in the upper right hand corner of each post and you will see the numbers) that I thought you might like to read.

 

God Bless!

 

Carolyn N.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...