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Hayhay

Misophonia, Arithmomania, Epilepsy, Violent Thoughts

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I was wondering if there's a link between misophonia, arithmomania and epilepsy (I have all 3 of these). If anyone doesn't know, misophonia is where you consistently have a really strong emotional reaction to very specific sounds, which can cause you to change your behavior (like avoiding people or covering your ears). Some of the worst things for me are: this one girl at school who would eat snacks and pop gum ALL class long, every single day. The chewing and snapping gum became unbearable to the point where I was plugging my ears with my fingers for the entire class, or listening to extremely loud white noise via earbuds. Then there's my dad, who makes this clicking sound with his mouth that makes me want to cry 'cause it bothers me so much. Also, my parents eat pork rinds a lot, and I just can't be in the room with them at all. That's just the tip of the iceberg. As for arithmomania, that's like, umm, an obsession with counting I guess. There's already another forum post on here for it I believe. I've read that it might be OCD but I'm not sure. So, I count the number of letters in words, the number of pen strokes in the letters of words, the number of words in a sentence, etc. I change the spelling and height of letters in words (i.e. capital to lowercase) to make a visually appealing pattern (i.e. "Nintendo"). I prefer certain numbers, like 10 and 4, for these things and other little word/letter things I do. Hopefully you get the gist. These word counting games are quietly going on in my head almost all the time, like background noise, even at this very moment. And finally, as for epilepsy, I have juvenile myoclonic epilepsy. I've had it for at least 4 years, but only 2 seizures overall. The arithmomania has been in the last 2 or 3 years I think, and the misophonia showed up less than a year ago. Oh, and I'm 18 years old, if that matters at all.

So...is there any connection between any of those 3 things? What's up with my brain?? And do I have OCD? I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, although besides the counting, apparently I do have other potential OCD symptoms like repetitive violent thoughts that really scare me.... I'm not depressed or anything though. Life is good, but terrible thoughts of hurting myself and other people and animals keep popping into my head, and that makes me feel guilty and scared of myself, because I don't actually want to hurt anyone. :( These thoughts have been going on for over a year now, and it's always been the same ones. Like...stabbing myself in the eye, or stabbing one of my family members.... I can use knives but they make me nervous. I just want it to stop.... What should I do??

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