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Hi there,

 

Has anyone hired help for your home/running of your life/ making things go smoother during all of this? This kind of sounds like a stupid question but I'm serious. We have no family within 2000 miles and I have no ability to ask for help. I can pay someone, but can't just ask someone to help me out no strings attached.

 

I feel incredibly guilty considering this. I'm also not talking about a cleaner, I mean help. We have 3 kids and a mom who is exhausted to say the least. I need an extra mom. Has anyone done this? If so, what do you have them do? Indeed to get stronger in every way to be there for the long haul. But having someone help with my baby just feels so foreign.

 

This seems to be a ramble, but does anyone get it and have any advice?

 

Thanks!

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I think I get what you are saying. Or I am in about the same position. I feel like I am overwhelmed with the pressure, barely keeping afloat in life. Our friends have passed us by, both kids and adults. Medical professionals are of little help dealing with day-to-day life and healing takes time. Its you against the world. There are a couple small outposts, like this forum, but the weight of your world rests on your shoulders.

 

I am completely unqualified to give you any advice (blind leading the blind?) but here is what we are trying to do now. We have had to let our expectations slide. We are trying to get by in the day to day sense. Our energy is focused on getting whatever treatments for PANDAS that are necessary; enough said. I went from trying to excel at a job to taking taking FMLA to help my wife. We try to eat healthy (the never ending hope of dietary change). We home school, but try not to push them when they have cognitive issues or OCD gets in the way. We find things they like and try to keep them busy on that for example piano, playing sports in the back yard. We try to keep them as happy and hopeful as possible.

 

 

Hired help is good idea. But also think about strep carriers and any illnesses they bring into your house with close contact. But you probably know best what you and the kids need to get by. Its a balance between risk of infection and reward of living - sanely - to fight another day.

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Yes! I often joke that I need a wife (I know, I know, another "parent" is more appropriate!). We use care (dot) com and recently found a couple great "aides." Mostly to mentor our son, but in the past I've also specificed household organization as well, which they did when ds16 (younger at the time) was self-occupied. One of our previous aides did some of the legwork (phone, paperwork, filing) for me w/various agencies and medical ins. stuff I was dealing with.

I got as specific as possible about what I needed, including for my PANS ds16, in my ad.

 

Good luck.

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I have two pandas kids but both have tics only and they are very mild. I do have a housekeeper once a week (lifesaver!) but no other help in the house. However, I would not hesitate to hire help if you need it! My sister is an ob/gyn and works 2 days a week and still keeps her nanny 25-30 hours a week even though her kids are in school. She comes in, makes beds, cleans up the kitchen, runs dishwasher, transports kids, goes to grocery, runs errands, prepares dinner some days, does laundry and ironing, etc. Plus she is an extra set of hands for projects like going through closets, sorting out toys to be donated. My sister keeps her hopping! Plus if you need a break, this would let you take one :)

 

Don't feel guilty about needing help. It sounds like you do so I would do it!

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And as far as my sister's nanny goes, she is willing to do whatever. She will organize pantry, clean fridge, wipe down baseboards, water planters, etc. Plus she is a doer, so she keeps busy. When she started she went room by room and wiped down and dusted all woodwork and baseboards. Pretty new house (3 years since reno) but there were still scuff marks, etc. and things that the weekly housekeeper did not do. If you could find a helper you could let her know what you needed, even if it is watch them while I take a nap. My sister keeps a tidy house but can always find something that needs to be done (as can I)

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The state came in to help me. Your situation has to be pretty dire and it sounds like your is. They sent a social worker, someone to do crafts, and a trainer. Most days my daughter hid and was not able to be around people but on those days they made dinner for me!!! I am in NJ, and it was called Perform Care. Perhaps your state has something similar???

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