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Did not expect this result from moving...


peglem
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Allie and I moved out (away from my hub, her dad) last week. She has a lot of trouble with changes in routine, so I was expecting this to be pretty rough on her. She has been doing much better than she did before the move. So much calmer. The roughest time she had was when her dad came to visit for a few hours while I ran some errands. I've decided his presence causes anxiety in her.

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Peglem, I'm sorry things deteriorated to this point - I can imagine it was a long, painful journey to this point. But I'm glad you've at least had validation that you've made the right decision not only for you but for Allie as well. My friend went thru a similar experience. She knew she was headed for divorce but did everything she could to try for a different outcome for the sake of her Pandas child. When it became inevitable, she bent over backwards to minimize the disruptions. Turns out the child is happier than she's been in a long time and has told her mom that it's so good to see the mom finally happy again. The pain involved in holding the marriage together was taking a toll on everyone.

 

I'm so glad that the move has been helpful for Allie. Hopefully it will be for you too!

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I am glad that your dd is doing so well with the move. I must say, what a nice surprise for you and her! I find this interesting, especially because I have put off leaving my husband because I have been afraid of how my twins would handle the adjustment. My dh might have been an ok dad if his kids were not special needs. But he cant handle it. Hid day in and day out negativity, and refusal to participate in any behavior mod program to the extent of even mocking and sabotaging them is difficult. I have told myself that the kids love him, they don't know anything different, and there is that fine line where he is not good for them in many ways, but they love him. Stuck..............

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We were living like brother and sister, more or less. We didn't fight, because I refused to engage. He was jealous for many years about the time I gave to Allie and her 3 siblings. But, I think the thing w/ Allie is that he tried to discipline her behaviors (including her fight or flight episodes) out of her. This, of course, made her feel more threatened and only served to make the episodes escalate. Once she turned 18, he wanted to place her outside the home. I would not allow that, so, bottom line, the only way for him to be rid of her was to throw us both out. We lived in a home owned by his mother, so he wasn't going anywhere. Just very selfish, w/ no sense of responsibility to his family. He has OCD as well. Everything is about him.....

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Peglem, you are amazing. Truly. Golly, what we've been through.

I don't have sage insight about the smooth transition/ improvement (although the thought he might be an infection carrier is intriguing)

but with my dd, I am often caught off guard that on one hand she seems oblivious or nonchalant about others feelings,

yet at the same time incredibly in tune with the undercurrent about what's going on (with me, as I am her main person.)

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