Lying about food intake

[mar]

I am in shock. I know he has done this in the beginning but he is the child that I trust and as he got older realized that foods do cause reactions. So dd goes to a a neighbors kid party away from home and ds went to the house to hang out. He was there for several hours before we got there bc they were having a family party after the girls got back. DH goes first bc I am trying to figure out computer problem at home. I show up and like a half hour later wonder where ds is. ( side note I buy cookies the kids could have so dd could take to party and she took 4 from new box) they left house at same time. So find ds and he has chocolate all over lips and on five different places on his shirt?! My first reaction is what the *****???!!! I ask him what he ate and he looks guilty saying nothing. I tell him to go look into the mirror . He looks and has fear in his eyes and says he had a cookie from home. I say really when I have been home and don't recall u coming back to have one. Tell DH . Soi tell ds that 4 cookies ard gone so I will know if more are missing. So DH brings the box so the kids could have dessert. DH tells me that he turns around and ds is like see their are 5 cookies missing and DH says could if be bc u have one in your mouth. He tried covering his tracks!!!! It just scares me bc their have been certain foods that ds has not had in years or has he?? And I don't like him trying things with me not being there!! He lied!! I know he is getting older and he is probably annoyed with all this but it's just not right. I am curious what he hadand how often this is being done since I have been wondering about him lately. Then he has been going to play with kids on the block without checking in for hours. The other day I actually drove down the block looking for his bike and couldn't find it? And I have ts him to check in!!! So at party today moms are saying that there is a man driving around our subdivision who is targeting boys and they mentioned a 10 year old and that He is using a baseball mitt to lure!! So not only will we have a talk about his lying and what he had but also no more going out by yourself!!! I know his axiety will be off the roof but I have to tell him about this predator!!! I know this will happen with food as they get older and it's hard for them and us.. I can tell he has been having sugar cravings lately and I am like the police limiting things and it's just so frustrating. I hate doing it but sugar is not good for him bc he reacts!!! He bounces off Walsh at times and has axiety and I know sugar plays a roll. He will be 11 soon which is scary!! I need to sit down with him and explain that his tics ( he refers to them as habits) and other behaviors are related to food to a degree. How do u explain this to older kids. I know this will cause axiety in him which will lead tk more tics. It's just hard..

Mar

[dcmom]

Hey Mar-

 

My kids don't have food sensitivities, or react to food- I want to share that up front, but...

 

I can hear how upset you are. I am going to try to be the voice of reason, just thinking back to when I was a kid, or to my kids now. I think it is not really a huge deal that your son "cheated" and had cookies (from a lying or behavoir perspective). I mean, kids are kids, they like sweets, and their purpose in life is to test boundaries. I don't think you should feel too bad- I imagine that most kids not allowed sweets would sneak them from time to time.

 

I am not sure what his health issue with sweets is- but if it isn't really dire- I really believe moderation is key. We eat very healthy around here, don't have much junk or sweets in the house, but- I do bake and buy ice cream- and I don't restrict my kids when we are out (for the most part). My SIL has been much more of a food restricter, and when we have a family party it is her kids that are hanging around the food. I think it is human nature. I think somehow you need a balance- sweets he can have, and maybe sweets allowed at a party or on special occasions. (if this is physically ok).

 

I look at our job as to train and teach our kids how to be adults. Our kids may have to be adults with autoimmune illness- so in addition to everything else, we need to teach them how to take care of themselves in the face of pandas. I am somehow (not always successful) trying to move from forcing things on my kids, to teaching them to make the right choices. This means sometimes there are mistakes- but better these mistakes happen now, when they are in my care, than when they are young adults.

 

So in other words- balance the treats. If he really cannot have them, find another food that is a treat for him. If it is that treats make him hyper, you may just need to allow some small treat portions on weekends, and special occasions. It may be helpful if he overdoes it once and a while on treats, and then sees the trouble it causes for him- he may listen to that more than you telling him so- esp as he gets older.

 

I think you just want to be careful- it would be very easy to set up a relationship where you forbid sweets and are totally inflexible, and he decides to get them anytime he wants when he is out- which is more and more as they get older. I think the main priority is to have open honest communication with our kids- but I don't think that can be done (just remembering to when I was a kid) if a child's nature or needs or wants are not taken into account at all.

[airial95]

I think dcmom makes some good points. My son reacts to sugar - he turns into Beavis from Beavis and Butthead - to a T. But, while we limit his sugar intake at home - we allow him some moderation when he's out at parties/with friends. He's only 5, but we did have a discussion with him about how he reacts to sugar, and that's why he can't have too much. We make a big deal when he makes good, healthy snack choices at home. And now we find, more often than not - he heads straight for the fruit tray at parties, rather than the sweets. My son has eating issues related to his OCD - so it's often hard for us to restrict eating further, he hardly eats at all. But my 6 yo PANDAS daughter has taken lately to hoarding food, and hiding in the bathroom to eat things she thinks we are not going to let her have. Hubby and I talked about it this weekend, and realized that this behavior may be just PANDAS, but it may also be to us placing the same sugar limits on her as her brother (eventhough it's not necessary for her) - it's causing her to hide food and eat behind our backs. I think that is presenting a far bigger problem for the future.

 

Like dcmom said - kids are kids, PANDAS or not. I have a friend who has a diabetic daughter who grew up with the dietary restrictions from infancy - yet it didn't stop her from testing her limits and making stupid choices as a pre-teen when mom wasn't looking. It's just part of growing up.

 

As for the creepy guy in the rape van...yeah, my hubs would be camped out on our front porch with a shot gun every time the kids were out until that guy got the message - and our neighbors would all take shifts!!! Has anybody reported it to the police? I would totally file a suspicious activity report.

[mar]

First off yes I found out it happened to a 10 yr old boy down the street last week. The car stopped and the man asked if he wanted baseball cards. The boy ran in and police was called. Second sorry for the crazy long post . I do give them sweets they have their cookies and ice cream and I make shakes bc I know you can't take that away from childhood. What scarred me is that ds is allergic to eggs, peanuts, yeast. These are the things he has not had in years. So basically I was afraid that he could of had one of these things without me being around. He is not deprived with sweets. They do have their junk yes I limit it but yes I'm bad and there are days where they indulge but with the cookies he can have and with the candy that is okay. This is another reason why I was so surprised!! He does have cookies and ice cream and fruit shakes and chips at home so it's not like he is deprived. Everytime time we go to a party j have my bag of cookies and ice cream for desert as others are eating cake. I think it was a fear of what was in it. And I was shocked that he took the chance without thinking twice.? Crazy..

Mar

[mar]

This is very interesting and though i would share. After last incident with ds if was a week of crazyness. Ds comes home with paint all over clothes bc they painted neighbors cedar swingset in neon green but I won't even go there. Anyway between the cupcakes and fence and then one of the neighbor kids blurted out that my son drinks pop at the neighbers house i was like what!!!! Ds was exhausted and defeated by then. We knew it all. The thing that is interesting is that his tics are so much better. I think it was from the stress of having the pops and trying to hide it. Interesting!!

Mar

[mar]

Just want to point out that there are still no noticable tics. His tics have been doing great since he got busted. But he is very fast and clumsy and all over. But heck at times I will take this over constant tick. I just hope this does not plod in my face. You give one away and take another. In his case I am seek stress sys a big re in his tics especially if he is hiding food intake and lying.

Mar

[queenmother]

Mar,

I am certainly no expert at any of this but I do know that the COMT gene is involved in dopamine and dopamine is relevant to tics and behavior. Depending on whether or not a person has a COMT++ or a COMT-- or a COMT+- determines how a person reacts to methyl donors, such as chocolate, caffeine, some additives, etc. If a person is COMT++, this means that the enzyme is very sluggish and cannot handle the methyl donors. This causes a kid to get really amped up, loud, and impulsive.The excess dopamine then feeds back and inhibits itself causing really gnarly mood swings. (COMT-- can handle a heavy load of methy donors and they are usually more laid back.) I relate all this because some of your son's reactions to food may indeed be genetic and it has helped us greatly knowing my kid's genetics. This syndrome is crazy enough to fight and we need all the arsenal we can get. For instance, my kid has BHMT1 mutation which makes it more difficult for her body to rid itself of viruses and bacteria. So, even if we figure out how to kill off the offending trigger, we have to bypass that weak gene or she could get something else that triggers her...assuming we could get rid of the original offenders. I know getting the genetics done is expensive (hey, there goes the Italian Riviera again this year), but I am a big believer in having that roadmap to help direct us on this journey to save our kids. Meanwhile, just love him up..this is harder for them than it is for us and they get sneakier as they get older. Hang in there!

QueenMother