Friends?

[lmkmip67]

Does your PANDAS kid have many friends? Ian is very social. But I sometimes wonder if there will be a time when his issues start to affect his friendships. Tonight at soccer he had a fit over not using his soccer ball in the game. He is 9. It was a crying, screaming fit. His friend wanted to use his ball so they started wrestling and Ian got him in the nose. I think it was an accident, but I wasn't there. So Ian takes off running into the woods for 15 minutes screaming and crying. His friend tried to help him (even after Ian wrestled with him) but Ian just had a tantrum, plain and simple So embarrassing. He still does it at home occasionally, he is much worse with us usually than with others. I don't know. I worry someday nobody will want to deal with him. Breaks my heart on one hand, but on the other I can't figure out WHY he can not control his anger and impulses enough to avoid a full blown toddler like tantrum at this age in front of all of his friends and their parents. So far his issues haven't gotten in the way, but I really worry that some day they will. We keep trying to treat this as best as we can. But I get exhausted worrying about him some days. I know there are people here who must understand. : /

 

Lisa

[1tiredmama]

I hear you, Lisa. My son, too, was and is a very social guy. Once he hit middle school, the gap between him and his peers began to widen, and each year he fell farther and farther behind. He is 17 now. It has been disturbing to watch.

 

As a teacher, I've tried desperately to coach the quirky/impulsive kids through social situations to keep them up with their peers. But, it's really, really hard. Hard for the child, the other kids involved, and the parents. From what I've seen, kids are pretty accepting of differences in elementary school, but not so much beyond that.

 

When my son was 9, I had no idea he had PANDAS. His illness is a 14 year long runaway train. But you know what is behind your son's behavior. Your efforts to dx and treat this will be of tremendous benefit to your child. You have one up on many parents simply by recognizing that something is not right--you would be surprised by the number of parents who prefer to live in denial while their kids flounder socially.

 

Do you ever role-play when the dust settles? Like try out a new ending/how could things have been handled differently sort of thing? Have you tried role-playing as a pre-emptive strike before going into a situation that you know might lead to embarrassing behavior? It has proven to be a useful tool for us. Some kids need some prep work, even if it's only a reminder to use a particular skill, before going into most social situations.

 

Try not to worry too much. He will continue to mature. He may mature at a slower pace than his peers, but he will keep moving forward.

[dcmom]

Hi Lisa-

 

I think from your other posts you are considering an intensive ocd program. I cannot say enough about USF- pm me if you want details. My younger daughter at the time was having major meltdowns triggered by ocd and sensory issues. The psych at USF helped us to work on this, along with the ocd. We were there three weeks, which is their typical program, and I wanted to stay forever I think a program like this is necessary, along with aggressive medical interventions. A lot of what the program did for me was to give me my power back as a parent. Regardless of ocd, tantrums are unacceptable and need consequences- I found I had become too accomodating.

 

Both of my kids are flourishing, and have no social issues (now).

[lmkmip67]

Thanks, ladies. I totally see that as they get older and into middle school how it could be more of an issue. One thing Ian does is ask a ton of questions. His friends brush it off now, but I could see that it would get irritating in a few years. I guess we just take it one year at a time and try to get him to a stable place, which we are doing anyway. He is very social though, and never has had trouble making friends. He is also into a ton of sports, and plays hockey 4 to 5 days a week 8 months out of the year, so some social interaction is built in there. I do hope he continues that because I think that is good for him.