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For the past two in a half years I have started researching Tourette's for the tics b/ c DH has them. I have asked his mom several times in the beginning if anyone in the family has them. Oh no she said. And I have never seen tics on his side. I have also asked her if DH was sick a lot and of course no not really or what i can recall. She said he started ticking at age 7 because his dad was out of the country for a while and when he got home DH would follow him everywhere even to the washroom and his tics appeared. She mentioned that doctor said it was just nerves with his dad being gone and that was that. So she knows I was sick a lot as a child with my throat and fevers and almost got a T&A till dm backed out. So I am talking to her today about dd and all this strep for the past month and tell her in could be in the nose that antibiotics can't clear. She says really. She asks again if I was sick a lot, I say yes . I ask about DH and she said he was sick a lot in Austria And they were considering t&a . But then they moved to the us and he seemed to get better. Am I going crazy but what the ######. I have asked her this millions of times and she never mentioned this about DH. I asked her if he was put on antibiotics and she says yes always. But when he came her he got better. I mention this to DH and he thinks his mom is crazy. But he was 6so he might not remember. What kills me if this is true she tells me this 2 1/2 years later!!! What is she hiding and why! If I knew about this before and with my history then I would have reached pandas several years ago instead of wasting over a year on researching ts and all the axiety on that. Crap why do I feel like DH and his family are all lieing to me. Well I understand DH because he grew up with no help or support from his family on his tics. He kind of hates them because they were never supportive and just yelled at him for everything he did. I guess I am in shock that his mom never mentioned this before. Now let me mention that DH has a sister 9 years younger that his parents idolize. She does not have tics and is very smart school wise. His parents put her through college and bought her several cars because " she is smart" according to them. DH had to babysit her and get out of school early to watch her . Worked three jobs in high school to pay for a car and cloths. He feel asleep during classes. And they screamed at him the whole time. Its because he ticked, he did not get a's in school and his attitude was different I don't know but how depressing. Sometimes DH annoys me but then when I think about how his parents treated him I just want to scream!!! He was the black sheep and his sister was born with the silver spoon in her mouth. But he is the one who needed the help. His mom now saids I'm glad the kids are grown and I don't have to worry. Really I know have two kids with issues and have to deal with your son b/c he is upset that you never helped him. Thanks

 

Mar

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Your mother in law and mine sound very similar. You never know what is true and what is not. They will only tell you the truth sometimes, and stories tend to change, so you have to piece everything together.

 

At the heart of it, perhaps your mother in law and mine are just afraid of being seen as being deficient in any way, or having kids that had problems of any kind. They want to present like things were perfect, but when you probe deeper, you realize that it just wasn't that way in the past. They don't want to be judged as being "sickly" or having "sickly" children, even though they like did have children who had illnesses and other issues.

 

You likely caught her on a good day when she wanted to share something, and agreed with you, whereas on other days, she just denied stuff. Like I said, you have to piece things together based on info that you get, not only from her, but from your husband's siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. That's when the story always gets more interesting. You find out stuff here and there. But...the key is to not approach it as if you are trying to make the genetic link or blame someone in any way....you have to just say something like "tell me about my husband's childhood....what do you remember about him...did he use to have some funny movements or quirky things when he was small like a lot of kids do? Stuff like that. You need to normalize things.

 

One day my mother in law will tell me I am crazy for not giving my son tylenol or advil for a low grade fever, because her daughters always gave their give medicine, and she always gave her kids fever lowering medicine. Then a few days later when I give him advil, she tells me that I am obsessed with my kid's fever, and her daughters never gave their kids advil or kept their kids home from school when they had fevers, and then she compares me to her other daughter in law, explaining that we (both daughter in laws) are both obsessed about things, but her daughters are not, because they didn't raise their kids this way. Weird really. A bit crazy making. There are many other things that she has done that have just led me to stay away for a long time and not call every day like I used to. In another post I explained that my MIL eats something with a spoon, and then spoons things with that same spoon onto other people's plates, more importantly, my son's plate, and bites into something when she is sick and then gives the half bitten into thing to my son. Big surprise that he gets sick when he goes to see my husband's family. My MIL double dips and gets mad at my son when he wont eat the double dipped thing and points out to her that people aren't supposed to do that, telling him that everyone does that. Some crazy stuff.

 

On a good day, my MIL can be very nice, and honest about stuff, like illnesses. Other day, she is not. I don't use her as the only source of information about that kind of stuff. I ask her kids, and other family members, so that I can assess things on my own.

 

Good luck to you!

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Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean, I do try to ask how he was when little. I realized that if I mention something negative about me then she opens up more. DH has one sister that lives out of state and don't really talk to her much. She is not a big talker and is always studying and doesn't have time. There are no grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The one's he does have live out of the country. So basically the only family DH has are his parents. If i can't find anything out from his mom then that's all I have with gaining any info. Let me tell you that whole spoon thing with your MIL would drive me insane!! I really feel for you! That's one thing I should be grateful for is she cooks food for them according to what they could have. And she has commented that I am doing a great job with their allergies and sensitivities. She said that she doesn't think she would be able to handle that.

Mar

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I'll add a different perspective. My mother is the one that has been infuriating as far as information goes. I remember quite vividly getting strep several times a year as a child. I was even hospitalized for it at one point becuase they feared rheumatic fever. By the time I was in middle school, I always had to get an injection of abx on top of azith (which was way new abck then! lol!!) It took us years to figure out that my sister was a carrier the all along. After that, although I still got strep often - it was much more manageable because we were both tested and treated. This is what I remember myself...and with what my mom has filled in over the years.

 

We have had conversations about my kids PANDAS countless times over the last 2 1/2 years we've been on this roller coaster. My mother bounces back and forth between - "there's nothing wrong with them, Bummy is just a boy, that's how boys are, McKinley is just senstiive...etc." to seeing the tics and being totally on board with things. That itself is frustrating enough.

 

On a recent road trip, I was on the phone with my mom, killing time on the drive, and we were talking about my upcoming appointment with Dr. B. for my son. She got on her "there's nothing wrong...why are you going to think about doing something risky (IVIG), especially if they think he'll outgrow it, etc..." I went on to talk about the long-term effects - particularly the OCD setting in, etc... not to mention a really crappy childhood. When she says to me "well, you used to get strep all the time, and you had ALL KINDS of anxiety, and you're fine now." To which I had to do a rewind...what do you mean "anxiety" - now, I remember doing one thing as a kid that might be considered OCD - when I was young, I had to sleep with ALL of my animals in my bed, they each had a name, and my parents had to tuck them each in by name. If they messed up a name, they had to start over, and if one fell out of bed in the middle of the night...again, had to wake them up to start over. I remember that clearly, I was probably 4 or so, and outgrew that phase quickly, but I don't remember ANYTHING else, other than the crazy chronic strep that would be connected.

 

She starts telling me all sorts of things - seperation anxiety, I crawled into their bed at night until well past 10 years old, strange food habits all the way through high school, all kids of stuff - that after she mentioned it, I remembered most of it vaguely. And see - I turned out just fine...

 

I was livid - I went on to tell her that, no, I'm not okay - I have full blown OCD myself and told her some of my issues (everyone has to clean their kitchen counters with 3 different cleaners to get them clean - that's normal right?). She felt bad, didn't realize that it was related, or that my OCD was that bad - WHAT??? How many times have we had this conversation????

 

After all these years and conversations, I don't think she was being malicious in not telling me, I don't think that she was trying to pretend she didn't have a sick kid, or anything like that. I just honestly think she never made a connection.

 

Our brains are so attuned to seeing the connection easily because we've been living this. Back then, they didn't know there was any connection - so eventhough we talk about it as it relates to my kids. She just never made the connection between my quirky behaviors (would only read when I was in my closet), and the chronic strep.

 

As for sweet cheeks MIL and the spoon thing - that's just gross, even if our kids were healthy!!!

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Airial95

 

You just brought back some memories. First let me say that I have not told my mom about any of this . I honestly don't think she would understand and it would just stress her out which would stress me out. I am the one out of 4 kids who was sick a lot with sore throats and high fevers. I recall being carried in to the doctors on many occasions with high fevers and getting a shot along with the antibiotics. I would freak out every time I went to the doctors because I didn't want the shot. My mom would say you will not get one but I always did and I would stress myself out to the point of passing out every time I got it. I now wonder if i ever had rheumatic fever?? Then little things I do recall b/ c of my kids. I must of been around 7-9 and I remember not wanting to flush the toilet b/c I didn't want to waste water. My dad would yell and say you need to flush. I would once in a while but then not . I didn't have the tics my children have now those are all that DH has or had. But I do recall always putting my hair behind my ears b/c it would bother me. I still don't like my hair in my face. I also recall that when i had a cold I would suck in the snots at school because I was embarrassed to blow my nose. I don't know if this would be a tic. I would sniffle like my dd but mine was do to embarrassment. This is where you give me a wake up call. I used to always want to sneak into my parents bed. I would squeeze in by my mom so she could wrap her arms around me. It was up to that age too. My kids have always been Lilke that also. They always want to be on our bed. Here is another one, I was a bed wetter till about I think 8 or nine. I would wet my bed pretty much every night. I'm curious if this has anything to do with pandas. I was put on some pill that made me feel real messed up and thank goodness my mom stopped . I then just stopped wetting my bed out of the blue. I recall my mom talking to a doctor that told her that when I start developing it would go away and if did. My axiety is still here. I remember going away to college and living with a friend I was very homesick for the first several weeks. I felt real sad and wanted to be with my family it did get better and I was fine. I was supposed to get my tonsils taken out at about the age of 8 b/c they were huge and touching but mom backed out! My tonsils are very small now and i have had strep once in the last ten years with the high fever and misery. Yes i do see some OCD in me but DH is a lot worse. I think my OCD is focusing on the children. I wish my mom would of taken those tonsils out! I feel like my kids are just doomed with the history of DH and myself.

 

Mat

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I forgot to mention about DH mom that gets to me is that I will mention the tics b/c she should understand and she always says they will be fine think positive. One can think positive till they are blue in the face but that is not going to help!

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