Jump to content
ACN Latitudes Forums

gotta get my head straight for this teacher


Recommended Posts

ds9 -- not 'diagnosed pandas' nor 'diagnosed anxiety'. . . but b/c of ds7, recognized many signs last fall -- anxiety, low OCD, breathing issues. our integrative MD believed him to have issues with strep and TBI. treated, and still do, but ds is seeming great and very healthy. we are in a similar positiion as with ds7 -- not so much intense symptoms but muddled realm of possibly still due to symptoms + issues due to learning poor coping skills during time of symptoms + issues due to general personality issues -- i think it's a combo.

 

ds is struggling in art -- likely also fine motor control issues, and ds is very literal, linear person, likley social anxiety issues in this class. had horrible meeting with art teacher last week. admittedly, i went in thinking i'd have to defend and explain him ( wish i'd been more objective) and that's what happened. although, i was surprised at her level of frustration, close to anger. i did say to her, 'i'm feeling your frustration and i wouldn't want to come to your class!" end result was that we should get the guidance counselor involved, who was out of the week.

 

ds has art first thing monday morning. even with all i know about anxiety and school phobia, dh and i decided to have ds go to school late to miss art b/c there is not a good plan and i don't feel it's fair to have him be with this teacher that i agree has anger toward him that i wouldn't want to be around. plus our meeting made things worse without any resolution.

 

i e-mailed his main teacher to state this and said i was open to her suggestions but didn't think i could have him in art on monday. vice-principal called me to discuss and suggested he would go to art class to observe and help where he could for this monday as we try to resolve. this will work for me, so that is the plan.

 

i told dh i want him to go to future meetings to be the 'voice of calm and reason' from our side b/c i don't think i'll be successful at it. but, the reality is that he works and i am at the school every day -- walking ds7 in and returning for lunch. so -- i've got to figure out a way to not be so emotionally tied to ds9 feeling persecuted and unhappy. this is a new school AND new system for him (public after montessori -- very different) and i am so sad he is unhappy and struggling. i am happy with his main teacher and feel she has an appropriate level of compassion for him. the administration has been fabulous for ds7 issues.

 

any help?

Edited by smartyjones
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, what am I missing? This is ART. Not a critical thinking class, or math or composition - skills that are needed by everyone. It's making clay pots and painting pictures. Isn't this supposed to be a place where creativity and self-expression, marching to your own drum, breaking boundaries - are encouraged? Why is a perceived failure to be "creative" being made into such a big deal? Some kids just aren't artistic - for whatever reason. I have a minor in art, my DD is very artistic. My husband and DS9 can't make a respectable stick figure. (regardless of any illness). Why is the Art teacher having a tizzy fit? Why is she angry? This hardly seems a rational reaction to a kid who can't draw. Shouldn't your son's self esteem and ability to handle the rest of the day trump a teacher's desire to make sure her class is treated as "important"?

 

Maybe if you can figure out what emotional need is driving this teacher, you and the principal can find a way to meet that need without having to punish your son for his "shortcoming" that will surely ruin his life if not corrected by this teacher. (ok, I am obviously not the voice of reason that you need).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, what am I missing? This is ART. Not a critical thinking class, or math or composition - skills that are needed by everyone. It's making clay pots and painting pictures. Isn't this supposed to be a place where creativity and self-expression, marching to your own drum, breaking boundaries - are encouraged? Why is a perceived failure to be "creative" being made into such a big deal? Some kids just aren't artistic - for whatever reason. I have a minor in art, my DD is very artistic. My husband and DS9 can't make a respectable stick figure. (regardless of any illness). Why is the Art teacher having a tizzy fit? Why is she angry? This hardly seems a rational reaction to a kid who can't draw. Shouldn't your son's self esteem and ability to handle the rest of the day trump a teacher's desire to make sure her class is treated as "important"?

 

Maybe if you can figure out what emotional need is driving this teacher, you and the principal can find a way to meet that need without having to punish your son for his "shortcoming" that will surely ruin his life if not corrected by this teacher. (ok, I am obviously not the voice of reason that you need).

 

 

 

oh -- sorry, sorry, there is something you're missing. he's being disruptive in class. but. . . i asked for the meeting b/c he's telling me it's too hard, he's frustrated and she's 'quietly yelling at him." i'm stunned she's at this level of frustration without even a phone call to me. she's totally taken his inabilities personally and rather than seeing it that he really can't do these simple drawing tasks, she sees it as 'he's not trying'. she's taking what i think is social anxiety reactions as personal affronts.

 

what does your non-artistic son do in art class?

 

and yes, this is 4th grade ART !!??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh geez! And what's really unfortunate, as you mentioned, is that this is the first class of the day. So if Art goes badly, it sets a bad tone for your DS's entire day! :angry:

 

I'm afraid I'm probably not a voice of reason insofar as it comes to dealing with this teacher, either. I do think, though, that getting the guidance counselor and possibly even the principal involved as "mediators" and internal supports might be a good idea. At least one of them could help keep the emotional tone of a meeting down a bit. In the end, though, if this teacher has this negative, dictatorial, angry World View, I don't know that any of you is going to get through to her to make palpable change. In which case, you may have to settle for her just standing down, aka ignoring, your DS. It's better than negative feedback, but it's not exactly cheerful and encouraging. The hope would be, though, that as DS is left to his own devices in the class instead of hounded or denigrated, he'll find some niche within it . . . maybe it's not cutting or drawing, but sculpting or cartooning, or . . . . . and the teacher will come to recognize that he, like every child, has gifts and capabilities and not just deficits. That is, if she can take her head out of her own hostility long enough to recognize that. <_<

 

I will say, though, that we had a similar issue with a P.E. teacher when our DS was 8, and though we tried to resolve it directly with him and, failing that, with the principal, we got nowhere in the end. Even though we knew other parents had lobbed complaints against this same teacher for many of the same reasons we expressed concerns, the principal doggedly backed him, even going so far as to suggest that, if we couldn't be satisfied, then the district had "open enrollment" and we were free to consider enrolling DS in one of the other two grade schools in the district. We were flabbergasted, but that's a whole different story . . . . .

 

Anyway, DS really enjoyed school with the exception of that P.E. class and teacher, and, like you, his other teachers were great and supportive and compassionate. That one teacher was just a doofus and beyond any attempts at re-education by the likes of us, especially when the principal would not back us up. So, we waded carefully into our first real opportunity with DS to talk about how not all adults are correct or do or say all the correct things, and that sometimes you just have to know that it's not YOU who has the problem . . . sometimes it's the teacher. So the goal for this particular class is, as always, to do his best, but to just always know that this teacher isn't the best she could be at her job right now and while he needs to obey her instructions in that class as best as he can, he just needs to remember that if something is really hard or frustrating for him, she may not understand that and he can ask to go see the guidance counselor or do something else to remove himself from the situation, or he can stay in the room and stick it out, and then come home and tell you all about it and get compassion and support from you.

 

I know it can be a slipperly slope, telling your kid to acknowledge a teacher's imperfections and do what he can to just "deal" with someone like that, rather than necessarily respect and trust her. But our kids tend to be pretty bright and perceptive, and if he's like our DS, he'll "get it." He'll still wish he didn't have to endure her negativity, but somehow just letting him know that this teacher ISN'T right about him (or possibly the other kids, either), that she's somehow missed something in her training or experience because she should be responding to him differently, can make both the teacher and the class more bearable. And DS will get stronger and more resilient, as a result.

 

Because, unfortunately, let's face it . . . she's not the LAST less-than-ideal teacher he's bound to come across in his academic career! <_<

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, I can see that disruptive is not ok. But I still think taking this personally is totally ridiculous. Seems this is about her feeling she is being disrespected or that her authority is being challenged - as if dealing with your own son's insecurities weren't enough! Now you have to make her feel good about herself? The harder she pushes, the bigger the problem will get. Kids will turn into class clowns or juvenile delinquents rather than be caught being embarrassed because they can't do something their peers can. Ask her how a dyslexic should be taught, or someone with cerebral palsy. She is not getting through to him and she is failing. So she is angry at herself but would rather blame your son.

 

My son (also 4th grade) fakes it. He stares off and says he can't think of an idea. He works slowly so he doesn't have time to finish a project. He basically stalls so it looks unfinished rather than untalented. But he does so without drawing too much attention to himself, so no one makes an issue of it.

 

One thing a teacher might try to do is put a disruptive boy at a table with well behaved girls. This works for my son when he gets too chatty in class. But it would be the worst thing to do in an art class, because girls will be making pretty pictures of flowers, further making your son feel inept (sorry to be sexist). It would be like rubbing his nose in it, and he'd be tempted to be more disruptive as a way to distract people from noticing his deficits. So ask the principal to take note of seating and social dynamics on Monday.

 

My guess is you're absolutely right and your son's reactions are totally normal in the context of anxiety. The goal should be to defuse that anxiety. Otherwise, nothing else is going to help. Wish I had more concrete suggestions. Let me know how it goes on Monday.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son (also 4th grade) fakes it. He stares off and says he can't think of an idea. He works slowly so he doesn't have time to finish a project. He basically stalls so it looks unfinished rather than untalented. But he does so without drawing too much attention to himself, so no one makes an issue of it.

 

 

Boy, does THAT sound familiar, LLM!

 

Smarty, is it within your son's personality to do that? "Dawdle" instead of "disrupt"?

 

Yeah, managing the anxiety in art class is tough because, like LLM said, if he's anxious because it's hard for him and he feels inept, pairing him up with calmer kids who might even have "maternal" or "paternal" streaks might still increase his anxiety because he wants to be able to do what they can model for him, but it's just not in his skill set, at least not at this time.

 

So, Round 2: is there maybe ANOTHER art teacher who might be better suited for helping DS through this class, both in terms of managing the anxiety and helping him find whatever artistic capabilities he may have, however small? Would switching be an option?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi...I'm sure this is not at all an issue for you, but wanted to just throw it out there. My daughter used to love art, but after the strep and severe pandas episode we are now left with ocd. Her ocd is a fear of swallowing chemicals and things like glue and paint. Art class is her hardest and most stressful thing to do now and she seriously used to love it. Just wanted to throw that out there, but I think our situation is more unique.

 

If I were a stay at home mom I for sure would keep her home from it b/c it's not a big deal, but honestly I would schedule something else during that time (therapist apt., an early morning activity, etc.) so that she didn't think she was going/giving in to the ocd. (does that make sense?) I personally think (and this is just my opinion) that if you have him not go because of the teacher then you will have MAJOR problems down the road whenever he is with a bad/stressed out teacher. He might think he should not have to go, when unfortunately is it something all students will probably have to come across sometime, especially in middle school when they have about 7 teachers...most likely one of them will have a non pleasant personality. I wish there were not bad teachers, but there are (just like there are horrible doctors).

 

I would try to set up some kind of plan for him (do the art work at home over the weekend and miss the art class)...or have something else to do that he can do well during the time that he starts to be disruptive. My daughter's art class is always able to draw pictures when they finish early, or is there something he can play with like puddy to keep him occupied better. (an autistic child in my daughter's school used this and it was helpful for my daughter last year when she returned from being homebound due to pandas.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ds9 -- not 'diagnosed pandas' nor 'diagnosed anxiety'. . . but b/c of ds7, recognized many signs last fall -- anxiety, low OCD, breathing issues. our integrative MD believed him to have issues with strep and TBI. treated, and still do, but ds is seeming great and very healthy. we are in a similar positiion as with ds7 -- not so much intense symptoms but muddled realm of possibly still due to symptoms + issues due to learning poor coping skills during time of symptoms + issues due to general personality issues -- i think it's a combo.

 

ds is struggling in art -- likely also fine motor control issues, and ds is very literal, linear person, likley social anxiety issues in this class. had horrible meeting with art teacher last week. admittedly, i went in thinking i'd have to defend and explain him ( wish i'd been more objective) and that's what happened. although, i was surprised at her level of frustration, close to anger. i did say to her, 'i'm feeling your frustration and i wouldn't want to come to your class!" end result was that we should get the guidance counselor involved, who was out of the week.

 

ds has art first thing monday morning. even with all i know about anxiety and school phobia, dh and i decided to have ds go to school late to miss art b/c there is not a good plan and i don't feel it's fair to have him be with this teacher that i agree has anger toward him that i wouldn't want to be around. plus our meeting made things worse without any resolution.

 

i e-mailed his main teacher to state this and said i was open to her suggestions but didn't think i could have him in art on monday. vice-principal called me to discuss and suggested he would go to art class to observe and help where he could for this monday as we try to resolve. this will work for me, so that is the plan.

 

i told dh i want him to go to future meetings to be the 'voice of calm and reason' from our side b/c i don't think i'll be successful at it. but, the reality is that he works and i am at the school every day -- walking ds7 in and returning for lunch. so -- i've got to figure out a way to not be so emotionally tied to ds9 feeling persecuted and unhappy. this is a new school AND new system for him (public after montessori -- very different) and i am so sad he is unhappy and struggling. i am happy with his main teacher and feel she has an appropriate level of compassion for him. the administration has been fabulous for ds7 issues.

 

any help?

 

 

Yes, ask that he be evaluated by OT and if he is having fine motor issues-change art time to the time OT can meet with him weekly to address these issues! Have a time already built in- no need to pull him from anything else important ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if I have much help but lots of empathy and a PTSD flashback. Art was a MAJOR issue when my son was in kindergarten in public school. He had his first major meltdown at school due to issues in art class. (When I got there, he was outside at the art trailer on all fours in front of the principal and vice principal, growling and acting like he was going to charge at them, ran from me, was throwing himself into the side of the trailer, screaming...sigh.) I have no good advice. At least you met with the art teacher. That didn't even occur to me since I was trying to run intervention thru his regular teacher and principal due to other issues he was having...we had lots of "fun" meetings. We were pre-PANDAS diagnosis. I did start going to the school and sitting in the office during art class, so he at least knew I was there. I also found that when I asked my son what had happened before HE got in trouble, there was usually some other disturbance in the class prior to his issues. The "fun" classes are also a bit rowdier than the regular classes, and depending on how the teacher handles it, the kids can get stressed out. It's also such a sensory-filled class, and that could be causing issues...not just fine motor. But all the materials and colors and unpredictable nature of not knowing what they're going to do in art since it could be anything. Looking back, I wonder if that particular teacher was a strep carrier or something. If it was art day, I knew there was likely going to be an issue. I hope you get it all figured out soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...