Jump to content
ACN Latitudes Forums

Recommended Posts

I am so sleep deprived and angry with myself. I just yelled at my son and I have left him on the step for a time out so I can cool off! He has been doing really well on the new abx protocol - looking great, but cheeky, rude, entitled and disrespectful...often! I think he has been pampered so much for so long due to being sick, that now that he is doing well, these behaviors are part o his norm! We don't spank, but discipline aside from me blowing up seems to be worthless. I am trying to get him out the door to go swimming and when I came down the stairs, he was throwing his shoes up at me. When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to make me trip and fall down the stairs. He says weird and icky things like this often, when he is having a PANDAS flare-up, but I am not seeing PANDAS right now. I guess I am expecting too much from him? His comments made me see red! I am not nearly as good of a mother as I would like to be....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Beeskneesmommy-

 

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!

 

This is a difficult illness for the whole family.

 

We are sorta where you are now. I have two girls (age 8 and 11) who have NEVER been a behavior problem at all. Always sweet and a pleasure to be their mom.

 

Our most recent pandas episodes hit in April (strep). Both had major ocd/panic onset. We found ourselves, in the midst of their complete debilitation with panic ocd, accomodating a lot, and letting a lot go. They are both in a pretty good place now with ocd, some residual stuff we are working on, but no more panic. BUT- we have found that due to the accomodations, and the letting the behavior slide, during the worst of pandas- we have come out the other side with LOTS of bad habits, control issues, and unpleasant behavior. GGggrrr.

 

We are in FLA for an ocd intensive, and have been working on/discussing this defiance a lot.

 

We have a new plan in place (and I feel a little like "duh"- I was always a very competent mom- but having these issues thrust on us overnight has made me feel a bit like an idiot).

 

So- basically- it is back to "time outs". When I get home, I will post on the details- but we have raised the bar back to where is age appropriate. We speak a lot about expectations prior to an event. They are given one warning (except for aggressive physical behavior - no warnings). They they are given a time out. (5 minutes) They are not physically forced to the time out- but until they do the time- they are cut off- no talking to them, no attention, no food, no tv, etc. Basically- its a little like back to treating them like they are two (although we didn't really even go through the "terrible twos"). Along with the time out, if appropriate, there may be a loss of a privilege. We have only been at it for a few days, but it IS helping. They calm down quicker, they hate the time outs, and it gives me a structure, so I don't get exasperated or feel I have to yell. I think it is REALLY going to help my husband and I be consistent with each other also.

 

We are also adding a "chip program". With this, they will get chips when they do an ocd exposure, fight ocd, are kind, or do something good (chips can also be used as an incentive). They will collect chips, and use them to "buy" from a menu of options ( toys, movies, treats, etc). This will give us the positive incentives to do positive things, or initiate good behavior.

 

We had ABSOLUTELY no need for this type of program before our most recent pandas episode. We were able to be fairly lax, and life went smoothly- so that was fine. Things are different now, so we need to run a tighter ship (hopefully for just a while).

Link to post
Share on other sites

DCmom,

 

Your plan sounds perfect to meet your girl's current needs. We do have to be the Olympic champions of parents here. One of the hardest components of this is the inconsistency of who you are parenting at any given time period. I've used the 3-2-1 magic program with my 8 and 11 year olds as well. We've also used the chips when things were really bad, I wrote values on poker chips. It's a little tedious, but does work.

 

I'm reading an interesting book on different generations. We are Generation X or the MTV Generation born 1965-1980. We are extremely independent and somewhat cynical. The next generation, Millenials are very different from us. They are used to a lot of praise and step by step guidance, love to "check-in" a lot. These are folks born in the early 80's to 2000. The next generation, Generation Z (until they can think of something catchier) are our children. There is a lot of hope for this generation. That they will be as tech savvy and great problem solvers like the Millenials, but with the Xers independence and work ethic. So...... We are up to the challenge and so are our kids!

 

Jill

Link to post
Share on other sites

JAG, Ha-ha! I am the last of the baby boomers. My son was born when I was 42! Just goes to show that 1st time parents are 1st time parents - the age of the mom doesn't mean we make any less mistakes!!

 

Thanks for suffering thru my "vent". It's been a long road and my husband works crazy, long hours so I am essentially alone in handling PANDAS - drive with DS to the specialists out of state alone and frankly, make most of the decisions without help. I guess I get overwhelmed sometimes! Anyway, after my post, I took DS to the pool to meet up with a bunch of moms and kids and we had a wonderful, relaxing day. As my DS likes to say: we "put it in the stone crusher" (loves anything related to construction) and we are "having a fresh start".

 

:)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Be easy on yourself; this is an amazingly frustrating disorder to live with and even the best parents can lose it sometimes. It may still be PANDAS stuff you are dealing with even if he is better in many ways. My dd, who is doing much better, is still often rigid in her attitude and her inflexibility. She is occasionally still argumentative and difficult to deal with. I can tell its the pandas when I can't reason with her because normally, she is a very reasonable person.

 

When I lose it with my dd and finally come back to my senses, I am the first to appologize and let her know I'll try to do better. It's hard to sort out the difference between the kid you know is in there and the kid you have as a result of this horrible disorder.

 

Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Sleep deprivation sucks. Can you nap at all?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Beeskneesmommy---You are a great mommy! We all have those moments when we yell and whatnot (or at least I know I do). Just remember to give yourself some slack!As far as the behaviors, not sure what to say except that my ODD who has had this crap forever seems to have more of the bad behaviors "engrained" into her more so than the others as she has had it longest. It might take a few years to get him back on track though--hang in there, you are doing just fine!

Edited by jenbug
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. DS actually does pretty well a lot of the time when he is not having PANDAS symptoms. I have to remember that he is a boy and he is close to 5. That, in itself, is a big cause for pushing the limits and testing the boundaries. I think I probably wouldn't feel so guilty about it if he did not have PANDAS! I never want to waste a second of the 'well' times by losing my patience, because as we all know, 'well' can turn to sick very fast. I appreciate your kind words and support!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...