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Thank you everyone who has reached out to me with my last post. I feel so much better and I am now confident that I can get my son the help he needs. We are going next week to see a doctor about 3 hours from here who will prescribe prophylactic antibiotics. At this point, I believe this is what we need.

 

Now, my next question is, is it possible that I have PANDAS too? My son having this and figuring out how to help him has stressed me a great deal. I *know* his behaviors are PANDAS related but sometimes I absolutely cannot deal with it. Last night was the breaking point. We were doing our bedtime routine, which involves me sitting on his bed with him and reading him a book, giving him a short back massage, and then cuddling. This is something we've been doing for several months. But lately I've been extremely irritated by it. He will be doing all of his movements, squirming around like he has ADHD, all of that, and I just cannot take it. We will fight and argue and I am so mean that I hate myself. I feel like I physically and mentally need to be away from him. My husband has to often come in and break up our fighting. But previous to that, we would all be in the living room just fine. It's when he and I are in close quarters to each other that I feel physically and mentally drained by him and it's like I can't stand him. I come out of his room and 5 minutes later I *feel* better, the cloud has lifted and then I feel awful because I know he's sick and can't help himself. I got to thinking about it and discussing it with my husband. He's perplexed how I get, out of nowhere, so irritable and angry with our son. And I realized the times and places I do it are during bedtime routine, and when we're in the car together. WE have some pretty nasty fights in the car. And I realize while he's sick, during the day, I will pretty much let him do what he wants rather than the normal stuff we do - go shopping, go swimming at the Y. I normally keep him off his computer but when he's sick I really don't. I'm starting to think it's because *I* am having a reaction to HIS strep! I feel completely irritated and out of sorts when close to him, not to mention I've developed a facial tic of my own (I squinch my nose). Does anyone else have these issues?? Am I just crazy?!

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I could have written your post. Right there with you. The sad part is that my dd7 (my baby of 4 kids) was like my little buddy until this started over a year ago. She was always around, and I loved having her right by my side. Nothing made me happier. Now, it causes me to have major anxiety to see her tics and compulsions....mainly tics...to the point that i don't even want to be around her. Same thing, get anxious, angry, etc. IT is on my mind 24/7. And when I am around her, I am watching constantly. My husband, on the other hand, just lets it roll off him like water off a ducks back.

 

Pandas 16, how do you get D8/17 marker tested?

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Mama-

 

When I first read your post I assumed you had a history of unusual thought patterns or quirky behaviors when you were sick.... but I don't see you mentioning symptoms during your own illnesses.

 

If I am reading your post correctly, I think it has more to do with plain old human limits of patience and sensory overload than it has to do with PANDAS.

 

I am saying this because what you describe could often be ME at the end of a long day - or my DH much earlier in the day (I am flexible and patient to a fault and he sets boundaries and is patience-challenged).

 

DS 14 has a new "obsession" with "screamo" types of teenage music. I HATE it. He cannot get it out of his head, even though I have removed it from all ipods. He walks around the house singing this one song sounding like something from the exorcist. No inappropriate words — just that deep hoarse voice. I try to ignore it.... I give dirty looks... I say "please don't do that - it will hurt your throat".... I say "I SAID DON'T do that - it is annoying".... Finally - at 11 pm last night I screamed STOP!!! It was not a mother of the year moment. He jumped - then said "ok, ok...calm down".

 

I had flashbacks to when he was younger and I was so entwined in his bedtime ritual and I felt like a slave to it (though I did not know what it was at the time). It was exhausting.

 

I think we all have sensory limits and stress limits. We all need to take care of ourselves and try to meet our own sensory needs. When ds gets to me I generally try deep pressure, warm blankets, a bath when I can get a few minutes, etc.. and try to find time to exercise a bit each day (easier said than done for me). I also dip into the valerian root for my self on some evenings to calm down and take the edge off (its either that or alcohol and I figure the valerian root has to be better!).

 

If I am way off base I am sorry - let me know if you think you see an increase in symptoms with your own illnesses.

 

Hang in there...

Edited by kimballot
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