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When is it OCD and when is it "reality"?


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Going to try and make this brief.

 

My bf and I have been together for 11 years. We were young when we started dating (17). Bought a house when we were 21 and I had a breakdown from the move. Have always suffered from anxiety and worrying since a young child, but it hit an all time high during the move. I starting thinking I made a HUGE mistake. After several months of "transition" I started to make myself more comfortable. But I starting having thoughts like "this isn't permanent, if it's too much pressure, you can just leave". Knowing that I could just leave really helped. The last 4-5 years have been fine but I have to keep myself busy. We are always doing something because as soon I as stop or slow down I start thinking "is this what you really want?" "is he the one" and "am I making a mistake". This is something I have carried with me all my life (always having to keep my brain busy to stop from worrying). Well, my bf & I have a great life. We are successful in our careers, travel, share passions and friendships.

 

However, talk about another move has come up and all these feelings come back. "Maybe this isn't right? How will I deal if Im making a mistake? I could never live through that mistake? What if Im wasting his time? How horrible of a person I am for having these thoughts! Having these thoughts must mean it's not right! But I dont want to leave. But I dont want to stay. Then I realize these thoughts are ALWAYS floating around in my brain, sometimes without me even noticing them. I CONSTANTLY look @ other relationships to see if mine is normal. I CONSTANTLY critique my bf in my brain. "He's not tall enough, his nose is awkwardly big, why does he slouch all the time? If only he didn't slouch I would be so much happier" Just 2 more inches to his height and I wouldn't be so anxious.

 

My bf is an amazing human being and partner. I have so much respect for him, and the way he loves me is so unconditionally. I feel so guilty with all these thoughts and just feel like I can't continue in the relationship with them. The thought of buying a house and/or getting married to me makes me feel trapped because I will have to live with all those thoughts which could very well be true!?!

 

This is my first real relationship, so I can not compare these thoughts to any other relationship experiences. But I'm 11 years into it and we've hit the time to fully commit or get out and I am SOOOOO CONFUSED.

 

Is this ocd? Or have I found myself stuck in a relationship with someone I just am not compataible with on some level I don't fully understand? Sometimes I think my gut is telling me that I need to leave and it seems to come from a peaceful place that offers "relief". But then when I think of the reality of having to survive getting over this, I just don't know if I could hand it.

 

Any advice? How do you know when a relationship really isn't right for you and how do you know when one is but you have ocd?

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Sometimes I think my gut is telling me that I need to leave and it seems to come from a peaceful place that offers "relief".

 

I don't have OCD so I can't offer any advice in that area. But I am struck by the above statement you made and feel like maybe you have answered your own question. Only you can decide what is right for you. Eleven years is a long time but spending the next 50 with someone you are not really happy with because of the fear of leaving isn't really the answer either.

 

Prayer is the best advice I can give.

 

On another note, I love your name!! My dd8 is Shae Leigh as well. I do wish I would have chosen the "y" instead of the "e".

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