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So depressed


Guest pandas16

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In times of obnoxious, intrusive thoughts, I've often found a bit of relief of them with TV/movies. They didn't take the concentration of reading and they were just drowning out enough to get my brain some time to relax. Does that work for you? It's so hard, because you just don't get a break from them. I feel like that's what wears you out, isn't it?

 

Thinking of you.

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Broke my heart to see your post - you've provided so much inspiration for so many of us on here. So know this: you beat the damned PANDAS before, and you will beat it again!!! This is just a temporary setback.

 

I know not far into the future, I'll be reading a celebratory victory post from you. Will be praying for you until then!

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Just hold on! Tuesday isn't that far off!!!! A lot of people swear that giving Ibuprofen to their kids alleviates some of the symptoms of a flare-up. It probably wouldn't hurt to try it if you haven't already! I'm rooting for you!!! You are paving the way for our children who may have flare-ups as adults, so getting through this and telling all of us here how you did it will help a TON of people. Thank you!!!

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My son went through an episode some what like the one you are at right now. He was then 16 and had had untreated pandas for last 8yrs.

Out of nowhre, He started to have intrusive thoughts that were very destructive and scary that lasted for couple of weeks (not like regular OCD/pandas symptoms that I had known) It turned that he was having a Myco.P at the time and 10days of clindamycin helped his intrusive thoughts go away.( just like that!!!!) I thought I lost my son right there and then. It was one of the most scariest things I have ever experienced. It was not his first Myco incident and I don't know why that one caused such powerful episode where other previous ones just just anxiety and OCD flares ups. I cannot say what you are going through is because of myco P but it might be something you want to look into. I will pray for you and send you all the motherly love I have in me to your direction as I understand however slight, what you must be going through.

Pathfinder

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Hi pandas16...were you on Zithromax when you got mycoplasma? What dose? Or did you go off prophylaxis? Did you ever have IVIG when you were younger?

 

This is a temporary set back. At least you know what you are dealing with!

 

PS...And don't laugh...there are some old threads that talk about birth control pills. Some types seem to help PANDAS symptoms, others make them worse. So, that is just one more thing to consider.

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First - thank you for all your input on board. You are very important to a lot of people out here.

 

We may not be much, but we are here for you. Is there a friend or family member you can stay with for a few days, until your Drs appointment? Someone to distract you and give you a little love and make sure you know this is all the PANDAS - it is not you.

 

It is temporary. It will pass...stay strong. But don't hesitate to get into a hospital if you need to. Everyone needs help sometimes...even people without pandas...don't despair. There is help out there. You are not alone.

 

Sending you good thoughts-

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Don't despair!! You've had 14 years of wellness and you WILL be well again. You have been so brave and worked so hard! We are so grateful to have you on the forum. You are inspiring all of us! I am praying for you. Please let us know what happens on Tuesday. (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

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Pandas16

 

I am so sorry you have had a relapse.

 

It is clear from your posts, that you are a smart, confident, young lady with real insight into this illness. I can only hope that my girls are as educated about their health as you are, when they grow up.

 

The good news is, you had 14 years remission- so you know you can have that again- now just to figure out how to get there.

 

First- give yourself a break, take care of yourself, try to eat right, exercise, and veg out in front of the tv-if all this is possible. Lean on your family and friends right now.

 

Second- as an adult, I would hope you are in a better position to demand treatment for yourself. You have said that IV solumedrol is the treatment that helped you the most (my girls had it this January- and it was really helpful). A cooperative doc should be able to Rx this as either same day, or in home. This could be a start, to calm down the immune process. My mantra during this journey has been to simply do what works (not to overthink)- so if the steroids have worked, try it again.

 

Hang in there- and please use this board to lean on. You have offered SO much insight- I know we all will be here for you all of the way.

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I have severe intrusive thoughts about killing myself, jumping off of buildings and leaping off of railings. The compulsion to jump off the top of my stairs is so bad that I had to draw my OCD and tape it on the railing. Whenever I have the urge to jump over, I look at the picture and remember that it is the OCD telling me to do that, not the real me. It fell like its normal to just curl up in a ball all day. I want to constantly bang my head against the wall and scream. I have periods where I am so angry for no apparent reason &I have to repeat the same question or sentence about 50 times a day to my parents. I can't concentrate long enough to eat lunch. I also blurt out inappropriate things. I full body tics where I cannot control my body at all. Optimism though right. Optimism. It'll get better.

 

Apparently it's just not a good week to be a panda. I understand all of this. It is important to check for infections & stuff, but I know that's not what you want to hear.

 

I know what it's like to get so angry over something little, or even nothing at all. I know what it's like to feel totally hopeless & empty & alone for no reason, or for one that shouldn't be a big deal. I know how things build up. How I get frustrated because I forgot something downstairs, so I pull some hair out. Then I get mad at myself for being unreasonable so I lock my joints. Then I feel stupid so I hit myself. I know rages better than I would like to. I know how afterwards you get so tired & you feel so horrible (not even angry anymore but I'm sitting there like "What have I done?" & chastising myself for acting like a toddler) that all you can do is sit in a ball & sob until you can't anymore. It sounds like a horrible day to most people. It's everyday for us. I know how sometimes the word optimism can mean as much to me as rhinoceros or apple. Because it feels like nothing is ever ever going to get better because I'm fundamentally broken, just inherently bad & doomed. For me, that's my self-harm/suicide tendencies motive. I feel like damaged goods. I'm screwed up & I can't be fixed. Then I start thinking that if I'm the problem, there's only one way to fix it..

 

I don't even know you but I love all of my pandas, including you. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'll admit that I'm rarely uplifting but it's been my experience that for whatever reason, sometimes it helps just to hear someone say that they know how you feel. <3

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Guest pandas16

Thank you guys for being so caring. I did see the doctor and we do have a plan in place. I started the treatment today and I will know whether or not it is effective in about 3 months or so. I am doing better though :)

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