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Issue with teacher - WWYD


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My son is in 2nd grade. I asked that he be held back last year, but they would NOT do it. His teacher last year, when all of this started was WONDERFUL - a great advocate for us, very understanding and a great communicator. She recommended the 2nd grade teacher he has now. I am less than thrilled.

 

We started with a 504 this year, but honestly, it doesn't seem to be doing a dang thing. When we first met, the 1st grade teacher said at the meeting (she was included) that a communication book was very effective. I asked for this again and this teacher flat out refused to do it. She said she uses the homework notebook to communicate and we can do that. Sounded ok at the time so I agreed. However, then I realized how this book works. First of all - the KIDS write the assignments in the book on the correct date. Let me just say - there are scattered dates throughout the year with various assignments filled in. He writes anywhere he sees an empty page. I have tried writing notes in it and get no response. So - I email. In response to email every single time I get "He NEVER poses any problem to me in class. We have absolutely no issue with him." She even said to me in a conference that he respects her too much to be disrespectful to her. WTF??!! Really? Kindof insulting if you ask me!

 

I told her he wants to use a pen on his homework. He has for some reason decided he writes better with a pen - and oddly he does. She said no! then the other kids will want to do it, he has to use a pencil. Excuse me, but isn't that the kind of accomidation a 504 is for? He has a fear of putting holes in the paper with pencils.

 

I've observed him in class and he was a mess. Yes, could've been bc he knew I was there. But, the guidance counselor who I don't have much faith in either, said he almost called me one day bc he was so concerned after an observation. But when he went back later, DS was calmer so he felt it was ok. The school psychologist is FANTASTIC as is the principal.

 

This weekend, I got a BIG stack of classwork sent home with a note that says she just found these hidden in his desk and to please complete them at home. So if he's so PERFECT for her, why is he hiding work in his desk? And why wouldn't she listen when I said he will do this and check earlier in the year? And she KNOWS homework is ###### for us!

 

So obviously, this all sounds like a call to the principle is in order. But here is the dilemna... DS LOVES her! she has a cool sense of humor and he relates to her very well. Academically he is doing better than I had ever thought he would this year. He is happy to go to school every day and wants to please her.

 

So, would you grin and bear it since he IS performing well at school and happy there? Or would you make a call and complain?

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It's a delicate balance, eh? You don't want to damage his relationship with the teacher. BUT there are issues that you need resolved for your peace of mind. Request another 504 meeting...you can have them more than once a year. OR just do a parent conference & request that the counselor &/or psychologist attend maybe...or request a one-on-one meeting with the principal. School has to work for you too...not just your kid. Maybe bring in articles for them to read or get a note from your dr. I'm sure others will have better advice for you. I ditched public school after one year of undx'd PANDAS because it was so bad. Good luck!

 

P.S. Maybe he could do some of the homework at school somehow. And surely she can either send you a note with the homework assignments or at least make sure he's got them on the correct date. That seems like a logical accomodation whether there's a 504 plan or not. Whew.

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DS LOVES her! she has a cool sense of humor and he relates to her very well. Academically he is doing better than I had ever thought he would this year. He is happy to go to school every day and wants to please her.

 

Wow! That's great! I would leave it alone. I wouldn't necessarily complete all that work he had stashed in his desk. Chances are if she didn't notice until clean-out-your-desk time, then they don't contribute to the grading. I think if you do manage to get her on his tail about these details, you could change the "happy to go to school and please her" and that might not be so good.

Is the pen using in his 504? His education plan is not about what "the other kids" might want- just about what your kid needs. I wonder if he's not doing the work at school because of the pencil/hole fear thing? I'd talk to him about it. And it may be a good idea to revisit accommodations w/ a meeting that includes the psychologist.

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This is a tough one. I would call a meeting with the principal. Speak to him frankly, saying that your son loves this teacher, but she's not following the 504 plan, or maybe the 504 needs to be revisited to make sure that she's doing it. It's the prinicpal's job to make sure the teacher is doing her job.

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No - the pen isn't in the 504. It just came up. But the 504 has a lot of info about PANDAS and the psych had educated all of the teachers involved. She was a wonderful advocate! Very knowledgeable and understanding of the situation. Obviously this teacher just doesn't get it. Last year - he would alternate between being good at school and good at home and she and I would actually say "tag you're it!" in the communication book.

 

Good point that it may not have been done because of the pen! But, he did the same thing last year and she would make him do it during recess, which worked very well for him!

 

Making him do that work at home in addition to his regular homework is setting us up for MAJOR explosions! I talked to my friend who will be our wrap around worker - she said not to do it. Not our problem. I may just see if I can sneak in a sheet or two when he is in a good frame of mind.

 

It IS harder that he likes her so much and performs well in her class. If she were just hard all around, it would be easier to make an issue.

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If you do choose to address this formally, be sure to start by letting the teacher (or the meeting) know how much your child loves her and enjoys the class and give details about what you appreciate...

You'll be more successful if this teacher knows that you recognize the good stuff she does, and she'll be more likely to cooperate if she has a reputation to live up to!

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I am thinking along the lines of Peg.

 

I am not sure I am understanding the full issue. You (and the teacher) think he is happy to go to school, behaves, and is fine academically?

 

It sounds like maybe he is a bit unorganized? My dd had some organization issues in1st and 2nd grade. We handled it mostly ourselves. You could maybe go in after or before school once a week so he can organize his desk (this helped my dd). As far as the homework book, maybe you could highlight and paperclip the night before, where

 

he should record his homework. As far as the pen, if you feel this is a valid request, I would speak to the teacher again. Tell her he has pandas which causes dysgraphia, OCD and anxiety. I would say right now he needs to wrote in pen, but I would also have a plan in place to get him moving toward pencil. Maybe whatever work is easiest for him can be done in pencil for now.

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dcmom - I think the point is that I don't believe the teacher when she says he is an absolute angel for her. Especially when I see piles of unfinished work come home. I don't know if she just isn't watching him or if she wants to deny any problem as it would reflect on her. I'm certainly NOT a parent who feels my child can do no wrong and wouldn't blame the teacher for anything - I just want to work together on the real issues and make things as good as possible.

 

Honestly, when his homework goes in a mess, with spelling errors and unfinished, I hear her in my mind saying he "respects" her and wouldn't do that for her. I think she either assumes I'm not watching him do his homework (which is sure what it looks like sometimes) or just not effective with him. It ticks me off because either way, she obviously doesn't get it.

 

I just don't know if I'm better off just getting through this year or pushing it. I tend to think just get through it since he DOES perform well for her.

 

BTW - the teacher who he had for 1st grade has switched to teaching third and I will be requesting her for next year!

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]Honestly, when his homework goes in a mess, with spelling errors and unfinished, I hear her in my mind saying he "respects" her and wouldn't do that for her. I think she either assumes I'm not watching him do his homework (which is sure what it looks like sometimes) or just not effective with him. It ticks me off because either way, she obviously doesn't get it. I just don't know if I'm better off just getting through this year or pushing it. I tend to think just get through it since he DOES perform well for her.

Sounds an awful lot of what we went through when we arrived in PA with a "working" 504 from NY (he'd been on the 504 plan for 1 year before we moved to PA,) and the teachers, staff, psycchologist, principal, etc. said there was nothing wrong (interestingly, though, the teacher wrote an awful lot of detail in his progress report, that helped us with our 3 year Due Process battle.)

 

But, here's what I would suggest: 1) Do NOT do the homework with him, but definitely save it. When she brings up the fact again that he's an angel for her, and does everything, show everyone the stack of papers. It is NOT your responsibility to catch him up on work that you made very clear could not be done for whatever reason, and the fact that you told her and the team that this was potentially a problem, indicates that the 504 plan needs to be modified to include this issue, too. It is not reasonable to expect him to have to catch up now.

 

2) Consider asking for an IEP if necessary. They are supervised by Special Education, and is not at the will of the individual school, and at the interpretation of individual teachers.

 

3) Make sure you save every single piece of paper, correspondence, etc. I would highly suggest you email as much correspondence as possible, because then it is in writing. We know of one boy's family who was burned in Due Process, because the boys grades were changed from F's to A's (and they didn't save his report cards.) On the other hand, we saved everything, and it was a very, very nasty case, BUT....the district finally settled with us in the end, because nothing could slip by. My son is now on an IEP, but it was hard won, and we had to pay for private school for awhile (other families we know homeschooled while they dealt with the problems.

 

504's are very tricky. They are good when the problems are relatively simple, but PANDAS is such a complicated issue, and the children are constantly changing.

 

Good luck.

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OK - NOW I'm annoyed! We are sitting here into our second hour of homework, which is only 3 sheets mind you (and why I have issue with doing that makeup work). DS tells me why can't he do it tomorrow since he isn't allowed to have recess anyway?

 

WHAAAHHAAAT?? He of course doesn't know why. He doesn't remember. Well I can't imagine it's bc of that work since she sent it all home.

 

I'm NOT opposed to him being kept from recess to do work he didn't complete properly. This worked well with him in the past. But should'nt I be told about it? And if he is so perfect for her, why would he need to be kept from recess?

 

Meeting will be requested.

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Tantrums-

 

in Tamara Chansky's book about OCD she has a list of suggested accomodations in the back specifically for pandas. One is reduced or no homework during an episode. I think if you have a copy of that it will help your case.

 

We have been SO lucky with our teachers so far. All have bent over backward to help my daughters keep up, yet their number one priority has always been reducing the stress. I cannot imagine having a teacher that is not on your side :(

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Sounds like you have a serious communication gap - and a meeting - or several follow up meetings - sounds in order.

We have had homework marathons like you describe. In hindsight, I pushed too hard and wish I hadn't made it such a power struggle. He really was trying. But I would get so angry at the disease and it's cruel effects on my son's abilities and I would so desperately want him to be able to do homework like other kids.

 

His second grade teacher told me in the middle of last winter that if homework took more than a certain amount of time, stop. Send in what he could complete. She needed to be able to gauge his abilities, not my ability to make him sit for hours. So at your meeting, you may want to establish homework guidelines. An upper limit of time or effort that no one will expect your son to exceed. When that limit is reached, homework time is over - with no punishment or negative grading as a result. This isn't good for either of you.

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Last year, my kindergartener lost outside recess completely on 5/5 with a month left of school. (One of my son's things was to not want to come inside...per the teacher at a meeting, she lost "days and days of instruction time because of it and she was DONE dealing with him...DONE!".) There was no discussion with me that it was going to happen. Apparently they'd been threatening him with it for a while. I couldn't get it reinstated as the principal was 100% behind the decision...when I emailed her about trying to get it back for him, she asked me if I was going to be there when he refused to come inside. I did eventually try calling the board but got the runaround there too & knew we wouldn't be back & chose to let it go. I will revisit it all eventually when I feel I can talk to someone there vs. screaming. We were undx'd at the time, but we were in constant contact about behavior. It was appalling to me that they'd take away outdoor recess from a kindergartener.

 

Sorry. Had an anger flashback. I hope that you are able to work this out for your little fella. Why do they have to make it even harder for our kids when it's hard enough for them already?! Boggles the mind! GOOD LUCK! Check the school handbook and the district web site. I'd found an obscure page that said they couldn't keep kids from recess as a punishment or require physical exercise as punishment. Of course, when I mentioned this to the guy at the board, he had an excuse as to why it was okay for the school to make kids "walk the wall" during recess when they were in trouble. Grrrrrrr. GO GET 'EM!

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Oh believe me, there are nights when the homework stops. ONly problem with that is, he now ASKS me to let him stop and send a note in to the teacher. I have told her that once he gets too far over the edge, there is simply no point in continuing. Her response is "I only assign 20 minutes of HW a night". Yes, to an average child and maybe even mine on a very good day. On a bad day, it could take us 20 minutes to do three spelling words!

 

I will look up that OCD book.

 

I am honestly starting to think the teacher just feels it will make her look bad if she shows she is having problems with him. I EXPECT her to have problems with her. I just want to work together. I don't understand this!

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My friend who will be our wrap around worker said she will go to the meeting with me. Obviously if we are getting 20 hours a week wrap around services in home, I can't be a nutjob making this all up about a perfectly angelic child ;)

 

Here's the funny thing, the counselor had wanted a meeting to amend the 504 because of his new epi pen. Seriously? We have to meet to discuss the epi pen but not any other issues. UGH!!! I miss the way they all worked with me last year. Hopefully with a different teacher next year will be better.

 

Oh and if we get into the IVIG study, a WHOLE LOT of school is going to be missed which outta be interesting!

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