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need emotional something -- not sure what


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so i made a beautiful picture christmas card -- a couple of fun pics. one i was unsure of b/c i thought ds looked sick. it was at a ropes course about a month after horrific herx-like reaction to antiviral. he restricted eating/drinking for about 2 weeks w/ about 7 days of touch and go with just enough to keep him from being IV hydrated. the pic is cute b/c he's proud and it looks fun. i was unsure if he looked sick or not. dh liked it and thought it was good. it was on-line so i didn't see a real proof.

 

they came today and the whole layout is really great. however, i keep focusing on that picture. he looks thin and sick. if i had to do it again, i'd pick a different pic but i don't think i can waste this $ and make another one.

 

the good news is ds is doing much better. in spring, integrative MD diagnosed multiple infections. he's cleared almost all -- strep still being troublesome. behaviors wax and wane but have been on an uphill trend. dr is very encouraged, just believes it's a long time healing.

 

i'm up and down on this --- i don't want people to receive the card and think he looks sick -- however, he's healing from strep and lyme and that's our reality.

 

i know in the span of relativity in other people's troubles and even in our own in the past two years, there are much greater things to be upset about. but i do feel upset

 

any words of wisdom for me?

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You made the best decision you could at the time..

and if you think he looks ok now....think how great he will look with the next card..

plus when people see him in person, the will automatcilly go....you look great!!!...and its always nice to hear a compliment

it will be something you can evidence your journey...and not look in sorrow, but in how far you come...and i think when your ds is a man, with children of his own, he can see how far he came, and give his children the strength they will need in just your regular, everyday stresses..

 

hope it all came out positive, the way i intended and the way it is(positive)

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This is not the same but it made me think of my dd8 when she was little. She had a huge hemangioma birthmark above her eye. It was big, bright red and puffed out maybe an inch at times. After she started treatments, it would look even worse. She went through many laser treatments and a few surgeries and she looks great now. Looking back on her baby pictures can be hard because we have forgotten how bad it was. But it is a reminder to us how far we have come and how blessed we are that we were able to stop it's growth and it didn't overtake her face (which was a danger at the time). She was beautiful then even with the hemangioma and she's beautiful now but I did stress about photographs. I just treid to pick the best picture of her and be strong about our treatment of her birthmark and how much we loved her.

 

Anyway, I hope that might help. I agree with Fixit that you will have a memory of how sick he was and how healthy he will become.

 

Hugs!

 

Susan

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My son's annual birthday picture (5 years old) has him looking so ill. He was in his first PANDAS exacerbation and we didn't know what was going on. He looks so sad and so sick. I was never able to bring myself to put the picture on the wall or ever show it to any family member. However, his was a close up and there was no doubt that something was going on. You can see it in his eyes...the fear.

 

When you look at the photo, you see a still moment of what was happening in your lives. It's more than just a Christmas card. But honestly, when others look at it, they will just see a boy having fun and being proud. They won't see what you see. I think you can mail it and be confident no whispers will be made about it. Be proud of what you've accomplished.

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..and that's our reality.

 

I think when we send holiday cards we all somehow want to bring smiles to the faces of the people who receive them. I think we all also have a natural amount of vanity and want our familes to look happy. But remember, we typically send cards to those whom we care about and who care about us. It is ok for them to see us, our children for as we are.

 

I didn't take a lot of pictures last year. However, I did take some the day we the realization that our daughter had OCD came crashing in on us. It was the day of a beautiful snow storm. All of the n'hood kids were playing in the backyard, building snowmen and snow forts - all except my daughter. She couldn't get dressed because her clothes were contaminated. She wanted to be out with them so badly. After about an hour, she was finally able to get something on and join the fun. So I took pictures while they were playing. Anyway, I have a few of her. She looks so serious and exhausted; not at all the silly, fun loving girl that she is. I look back at those photos every now and then. I'm glad I have them. I can still see the beautiful girl inside. I am grateful for how far she has come. Hopefully you will come to feel this way about the photo of your child as well.

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