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I've got a big problem this week. My son has said that he will kill himself if he is left alone. He's out of school for the rest of this week & needs to be alone some of the time, at least when his sister is taking her finals. (My son is 13--certainly my older kids were left alone during the day by 8th grade.) He has stayed at home by himself before, but is never happy about doing so. Today my husband went home to be with him when my daughter had to leave for her tests.

 

I'm not sure what to do. He needs to understand how important it is not to threaten to kill himself if he isn't seriously feeling that way. If he is serious, then should he go to a psyc hospital? That's what the psychiatrists would tell you, but NO WAY! That'll be a disaster that makes everything worse. I think he's just really afraid to be alone, but I'm not sure if he's using the threat to get his way or if he really means it. I'm not sure he even knows.

 

Has anyone else had this problem? How do you handle it with a teenager?

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I've got a big problem this week. My son has said that he will kill himself if he is left alone. He's out of school for the rest of this week & needs to be alone some of the time, at least when his sister is taking her finals. (My son is 13--certainly my older kids were left alone during the day by 8th grade.) He has stayed at home by himself before, but is never happy about doing so. Today my husband went home to be with him when my daughter had to leave for her tests.

 

I'm not sure what to do. He needs to understand how important it is not to threaten to kill himself if he isn't seriously feeling that way. If he is serious, then should he go to a psyc hospital? That's what the psychiatrists would tell you, but NO WAY! That'll be a disaster that makes everything worse. I think he's just really afraid to be alone, but I'm not sure if he's using the threat to get his way or if he really means it. I'm not sure he even knows.

 

Has anyone else had this problem? How do you handle it with a teenager?

 

 

Maybe you could arrange for him to spend that time with one of his friends, maybe going to movies, mall....

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I am soo sorry for your situation. It is very difficult. My dd is younger,9, and would ask me to kill her. When I said no, and tried to talk her through it , she would then say that she would kill herself. She was having bad thoughts and hallucinating, and it was at times too much for her, I think . This was at her worst and thank goodness only happened a couple times. One time she tried to grab a knife. I dont know if she would know what to do with it, but it was too scary, so we literally hid all of the knives. For over 6 months we had 1 knife to cook with, and hid it each time we were done. I never left her alone in a room long, but she would follow me usually anyway. I dont think a psych ward is good either, we went for less than 24 hr., and left. I would take his words seriously, just in case, but you know best. Do you know why he is scared to be alone? Maybe he will talk about it. I wish I had a solution, or something that helped us get out of that mode, but it was just depending on her mood. I hope that it passes soon, best of luck.

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I think if this problem persists, you may need to consider professional advice. But in the meantime, I'd ask yourself "what's the worst that would happen if..."

 

So what's the worst that could happen if upend our lives to make sure someone is always with him (parent, relative, sitter) - possible answer: he learns to manipulate to get attention, parents face unpleasant consequences at work, sister resents DS. Second possible answer: you end up being there for him in what is actually a real crisis.

 

"What's the worst that could happen if we leave him alone?" possible answer: nothing. other possible answer: ?

 

Just my personal opinion, but I think any suicidal talk is a cry for help. The downside of not taking it seriously is just unthinkable.

 

I hope you find answers quickly. No child, no family should have to suffer with this sort of pain.

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This is a hard one that I personally feel you are the only one to answer that question. You know him better then anyone and deep down do you feel it is an empty threat? Anyone in the professional field will tell you if he threatens to hurt himself or someone else then seek medical attention. We all know that really does not work. I hope you find the answer to get through the week. I must add with all of the symptoms, manipulating is at he top of my list.

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This was one of our ds's (now 14) most terrifying PANDAS symptoms. I think he was so overwhelmed and miserable from the storm inside his brain that he just wanted the pain to stop. During exacerbations, he constantly asked us to kill him. He hurt himself by punching self / walls / objects, banging head, etc. On one occasion, he grabbed a kitchen knife while my wife and I were momentarily distracted and dragged it across his wrist. Barely left a mark, luckily... but I don't think it was for lack of trying.

 

I would take this very seriously. These PANDAS / PITAND children are in absolute torment and lose hope that they will ever be "well" again. I think the older kids (teens especially) are extremely vulnerable to suicidality. And for our ds, psych meds (zyprexa, desyrel, ativan, klonopin, risperdal, etc.) were activating and made his emotional lability far, far worse.

 

In our case, I arranged for intermittent FMLA leave from work and we put our youngest (now 4, then 2-3) in full-time daycare so that either I or my wife could supervise our PANDAS son at all times. After the kitchen-knife incident, we also made it clear to him that - if he ever did anything like that again - we would have to take him to the hospital for his own safety. Like you, we were pretty sure that a psych hospital stay would have been disastrous, but we didn't know what else to do.

 

To our immense relief, he never acted on suicidal thoughts again, although he often confessed that he thought about it all the time. And - after serious PANDAS treatment (IVIG, augmentin XR) - the suicidal talk / thoughts vanished!

 

So hang in there. Treatment will help. But the suicidal threats of a PANDAS teen are not a bluff.

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Thanks, everyone, for the advise. My husband took him to work with him yesterday afternoon and he was very well-behaved. He has been really down the last few days and evidently can't stand to be alone. Last night he was saying that nothing we do ever makes him better. But I can see a difference. His tics are almost gone except when he is really stressed and he is sleeping better. But it would seem the obsessive thoughts have probably increased, with the current obsession being fear that he'll hurt himself, and his mood has been very volatile.

 

Worried Dad: it is so great that your son is doing well. It gives me much hope. We've had a kitchen knife incident as well with him threatening to come after me. My husband all but gave up on a career to take care of our son, but has recently started back to work full time in a job he really likes. With 2 kids in college in addition to all our son's medical expenses, we both really have to work.

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I want to add one more thing to what everyone has been saying. My DS (like Worried Dad) also became suicidal (luckily stopped when abx), but we had to end up hospitalizing him for his own safety (it was a nightmare, and I don't think did a thing in the end.)

 

But, some, if not all of the suicidal ideation, may be from OCD. At the time I didn't know it, but now I do. He would say that he "kept feeling like I have to jump out the window." He was actually hospitalized, because he "felt like jumping in front of a train or into traffic." The only thing that kept him from doing it, was that somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he could die, and didn't want to die. Luckily we had another DS with more classic symptoms, because otherwise we would never have know that our DS (then 15) had PANDAS, and not a "typical" psych disorder.

 

Definitely...take him seriously

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I have PANDAS, I'm 22 (completely fine, graduated college with honors etc) I went through the whole suicide thing. If you want to talk to someone who's been through it first hand, you can send me a message and I'd be more than happy to talk to you.

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I have PANDAS, I'm 22 (completely fine, graduated college with honors etc) I went through the whole suicide thing. If you want to talk to someone who's been through it first hand, you can send me a message and I'd be more than happy to talk to you.

 

Wow - AWESOME! Congrats on the college graduation, alyssa. You are such an inspiration to all of us parents that our children can go on to have happy, healthy lives!!!

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My dd(11) has suicidal ideations as well. When PANDAS first became extreme for her a couple of years ago, she would insist either that we were trying to kill her (if we restrained her from doing something unsafe or destroying something in a rage) or that she was going to kill us. She does not remember these episodes now. The last several months, this changed to her thinking about harming herself and at times wanting to kill herself... she thinks about it a lot. I never leave her alone.

 

She seems honestly to be more frightened of these thoughts than wanting to act on them; however, there are times that she gets into a sort of "dazed" state and there seems to be no pathway to rational thought for her - she does not remember these later either - we are seeing a psychologist who is helping us a lot with this!

 

He indicated that when upset, their limbic system (basal ganglia is part of limbic) takes over and we need to be able to switch gears quickly when this happens and meet her there to help her feel safe, secure, comfortable and in a peaceful environment.

 

While I want to believe she would never act on such a thought, we always take it seriously. At the very least, it is a clear cry for help in my perspective and the potential risk is unthinkable to me.

 

Having said all that, I do realize the difficulties of scheduling real life with a child who is unable to leave not only your side, but often needs to be "clinging" to your person. It's tough, I know... wishing you the best as you work through this week....

 

Worried Dad... I haven't been on for quite a while, but so great to read that your son is doing well now!!

 

Alyssa... thanks for sharing your positive path and reminding us that this too, shall pass.

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