maybe it's my fault.......

[eljomom]

I woke up early this morning....thinking....again about all the pandas stuff. Then it hit me, that maybe it is tourette's and not pandas (still no confirmation), and it's my fault. Maybe because she has heard my husband and i having some pretty scary arguments, maybe because I homeschool and my 13 year old daughter and i go at it a lot.....maybe it's because i get really bad pms sometimes and freak out. I have read that "psychosocial stress" can be a predictor of future tic severity. So maybe I have caused all this. Can stressfull events to a little 5 or 6 year old CAUSE tourette's to "express itself?" Maybe it's not from the pneumonia, the strep, the impetigo......can't get anyone to run tests on those till end of december....I am serious about that question though. I really don't want a pity party, but do wonder if a stressful home environment could have caused the tics to express?? Anyone......???

[Chemar]

((((eljomom))))

 

no, I do not believe any of those could "cause" tourette per se

 

yes, maybe stress can bring TS out IF there is a family history ie genetic predisposition

 

I think all of us have been through the "what if it is something I did wrong" phase.

but honestly, even if it were...the focus needs to be on healing, not self-recrimination!

 

If things between you and dh are beyond just regular marital tiffs, maybe some relationship counseling would help?

Similarly if you think you need help re anger management? and definitely a visit to your gynie for something to take the edge off that PMS is a good idea. I personally prefer natural treatments always...evening primrose oil has a great reputation. Even something like the Bach's Rescue Remedy can be helpful when you feel the "edge" on your mood

 

I have great respect for parents who homeschool...we tried for a year but knew there was no way we could continue. My son and I have a great relationship but it went very bad when I became "teacher mom"

 

Honestly, there comes a time when one has to step back and breathe and stop obsessing over the possible "whys"

Don't let the tics overtake the value of just time spent enjoying your child

 

here again is something a friend of mine, Lara, posted a long time ago that helped me greatly to get my perspective straight.

 

It's OK To Tic

 

Just want to share something with you all, please.

Sometimes I find it hard to express myself on some of the threads. I hear you but I don't always know how to get across how I feel.

 

People with TS tic. It's OK!

 

Sometimes some tics can be self-injurious or problematic, that cannot be denied. Some tics interfere with all manner of things, like reading, writing, walking, breathing, talking etc. etc. etc., (yes, I know) but the majority of the time they are JUST tics.

 

I don't even notice people's tics much anymore. I know this might sound most peculiar to some people, but I also find tics of people I know very well, quite endearing.

 

People tic when they are relaxed. People tic when they are stressed. People tic when they're driving. People need to feel they can tic freely and not feel as if they're being watched, or being studied. It feels good to let it out. People tic 'cause they gotta tic!!!

 

My son sure has bothersome ones but they are only bothersome to ME when they are dangerous or are causing him grief for some reason or another. I think the most grief he faces is from people who don't seem to just see him as _him_ anymore. They see his constant ticcing and it's as if they negate the existance of his 'self'.

 

Every single day I am reminded how comfortable home is for my children. That's because school, for example, causes so much build up of unreleased energy. Kids and staff at school, despite education, still don't see past the tics. They don't see past how much my children have changed tic-wise since they were in Year 1. They don't look!!!

 

I'm not denying that tics can be of concern. I'm not denying that tics can be a right pain. I'm not denying that tics can really affect some people's quality of life. I'm not living in some unrealistic place where I deny the concerns and the pain these _can_ and do present. Believe me, please, I know. However, I think we need to understand in our own minds, that there are many more things that can cause more distress to a person than tics.

 

We need to start with ourselves. Start at the source. Change the way people view TS from here. I truly empathize with you all who are struggling with this in your young children. I have struggled, still do struggle, and will struggle in the future with some issues. I think the greatest thing we can all do though, is to look BEYOND the tics. Hey, maybe the rest of the world might get the same idea!

 

Your children's tics are just part of the tapestry of who they are and who they will become... just a tiny part.

 

[Lynn777]

I agree with Cheri (Chemar). I started that stuff with my husband. I went through all the reasons it was my fault.

 

I was on bed rest for five weeks during my pregnancy and was really stressed out = I gave him Tourettes.

 

I rub my legs together before I go to sleep = I gave him Tourettes.

 

I "yell" alot, not at my son or mean nasty yelling, it's just my personality. If I get irritable or I'm cranky about something I let it out. I don't hold things in = I gave him " internal stress" which gave him Tourettes.

 

I didn't breast feed = I gave him Tourettes.

 

I was on different antibiotics during my pregnancy for chronic sinus infections = I gave him Tourettes.

 

I could go on, but you get the drift. My husband looked at me & said "you're not really serious are you?" and then he said "even if you did - stop obsessing over the past & the "what if's" and let's just be the best parents we can be to him now."

 

So, that's my advice. Relax. ((Hugs)) I know it's easier said then done, believe me!

Edited October 25, 2010 by Lynn777

[mommyfor4]

Yes, been there too!

 

What if I didn't immunize ?( he reacted every time and yet I still finished) should have been stronger

 

What if I didn't allow those antibiotics when he was young? should have researched more

 

Maybe I started solids too soon? Maybe I was too stressed when I was pregnant? Maybe, Maybe, Maybe...

 

Then one day I realized it doesn't matter, can't change that. My Naturopath regularly reminds me that the mother's whole health (mind, spirit, body) directly effects the family as a whole. I stopped worry about the past and started focusing on my plan of attack. "What if's" leave you helpless, but creating a plan gives you back some power.

Yes, stress can effect our kids and exacerbate their tics, so taking care of you also takes care of them.

Stop blaming yourself and take back the control. Your son will thank you for it!

 

You are already on the right track:

 

A friend is one to whom

one may pour out all the contents of ones heart

Chaff and grain together,

Knowing that the gentlest of hands

Will take and sift it

Keep whats worth keeping,

And with a breath of kindness...

Blow the rest away

 

Be a friend to yourself

 

Megan

Edited October 26, 2010 by mommyfor4

[CSP]

It's been 5 years and I still have those moments, and funny thing I'm always blaming myself when the gene comes from my husbands family.

 

I hate fish, so he did not get and omega's while pregnant.

 

I had the baby blues so bad we never bonded.

 

God is just punishing me for past sins.

 

You name it... I thought it.

 

Now I like to blame my moods on my age, hee hee!

 

I homeschool my 13yo (one without TS) and it would be very hard if my TS son was home during school time. I understand!

 

God bless,

cp

[EmersonAilidh]

EljoMom ~ Stoooop it!!! I don't normally post on the Tourette's forum (sorry for barging in here....) but I saw this on the Recent Posts & had to tell you to stop beating yourself up. Take it from the patient ~ MommyStress alone can not cause Tourette's! I'm not gonna sit here & tell you that stress (of ANY kind, not just from you!) can't or won't exacerbate tic disorder kids symptoms, be it P.A.N.D.A.S, Lyme, Tourette's, or whatever else, but blaming your little one's illness on yourself isn't healthy.

 

Now imagine me as that guy from Good Will Hunting... Sitting across the table from you going "It's not your fault. No, it's not your fault. It's not your fault." & get ready to face tomorrow! <3

[patty]

When my son had his first onset of tics, his neurologist gave me a half sheet info on tics, and it made reference that it can be induced via stress and sometimes demanding mothers can cause it. OMG, i felt so guilty and felt it was all my fault and that was my son's way to tell me to back off.

 

When my son was little, he had many issues that i didn't understand and why he was different, emotionally & socially. Also, he was a slow learner that had some funny quirks. I used to get so frustrated, i yelled and punished him often. Secretly, i was wondering why he is so odd but can never put a finger on it.

 

For the longest time, i blamed myself, and then i blame my husband side's family bad genes, since there are immediate family members that have mental issues. Then i became angry and it was just awful. I still feel that my son's issues are inherited from my husband's family, but i don't dwell on it anymore, i just focus on how i can help my son.

 

I guess what i am trying to say is that i totally understand. I spend years feeling guilty and angry, really it didn't do any good. Don't punish yourself by blaming yourself, you have important work to do now. Save that energy.

 

Pat

[Chrisnick]

OMG! I thought I was THE ONLY ONE who thought like this! I never wanted to say it out loud because then I would be admitting to being a terrible mother. I have been a SAHM since he was 6 months old - lived overseas with my husband and no family or friends for 4 1/2 years, had a 2nd baby and was at my wits end. I am also a screamer when I get fed up and I FOR SURE thought I caused something to switch in his head and have Tourette's. I am so glad that I am not the only one who has these feelings.

[Chrisnick]

((((eljomom))))

 

no, I do not believe any of those could "cause" tourette per se

 

yes, maybe stress can bring TS out IF there is a family history ie genetic predisposition

 

I think all of us have been through the "what if it is something I did wrong" phase.

but honestly, even if it were...the focus needs to be on healing, not self-recrimination!

 

If things between you and dh are beyond just regular marital tiffs, maybe some relationship counseling would help?

Similarly if you think you need help re anger management? and definitely a visit to your gynie for something to take the edge off that PMS is a good idea. I personally prefer natural treatments always...evening primrose oil has a great reputation. Even something like the Bach's Rescue Remedy can be helpful when you feel the "edge" on your mood

 

I have great respect for parents who homeschool...we tried for a year but knew there was no way we could continue. My son and I have a great relationship but it went very bad when I became "teacher mom"

 

Honestly, there comes a time when one has to step back and breathe and stop obsessing over the possible "whys"

Don't let the tics overtake the value of just time spent enjoying your child

 

here again is something a friend of mine, Lara, posted a long time ago that helped me greatly to get my perspective straight.

 

It's OK To Tic

 

Just want to share something with you all, please.

Sometimes I find it hard to express myself on some of the threads. I hear you but I don't always know how to get across how I feel.

 

People with TS tic. It's OK!

 

Sometimes some tics can be self-injurious or problematic, that cannot be denied. Some tics interfere with all manner of things, like reading, writing, walking, breathing, talking etc. etc. etc., (yes, I know) but the majority of the time they are JUST tics.

 

I don't even notice people's tics much anymore. I know this might sound most peculiar to some people, but I also find tics of people I know very well, quite endearing.

 

People tic when they are relaxed. People tic when they are stressed. People tic when they're driving. People need to feel they can tic freely and not feel as if they're being watched, or being studied. It feels good to let it out. People tic 'cause they gotta tic!!!

 

My son sure has bothersome ones but they are only bothersome to ME when they are dangerous or are causing him grief for some reason or another. I think the most grief he faces is from people who don't seem to just see him as _him_ anymore. They see his constant ticcing and it's as if they negate the existance of his 'self'.

 

Every single day I am reminded how comfortable home is for my children. That's because school, for example, causes so much build up of unreleased energy. Kids and staff at school, despite education, still don't see past the tics. They don't see past how much my children have changed tic-wise since they were in Year 1. They don't look!!!

 

I'm not denying that tics can be of concern. I'm not denying that tics can be a right pain. I'm not denying that tics can really affect some people's quality of life. I'm not living in some unrealistic place where I deny the concerns and the pain these _can_ and do present. Believe me, please, I know. However, I think we need to understand in our own minds, that there are many more things that can cause more distress to a person than tics.

 

We need to start with ourselves. Start at the source. Change the way people view TS from here. I truly empathize with you all who are struggling with this in your young children. I have struggled, still do struggle, and will struggle in the future with some issues. I think the greatest thing we can all do though, is to look BEYOND the tics. Hey, maybe the rest of the world might get the same idea!

 

Your children's tics are just part of the tapestry of who they are and who they will become... just a tiny part.