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lmkmip67

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    lmkmip67 got a reaction from BamaMom in Parents do make a difference   
    I am not sure all that was said, but I thank you for posting that. My son has not been helped by IVIG and we are still trying to find what will work for him. It is helpful to me to read things like this because I am not sure Ian will ever be totally free of OCD, even as an adult. So to hear that some manage to push through and build a life is indeed very helpful. And nice to see he realizes all of the help his parents gave him made a difference.
  2. Like
    lmkmip67 reacted to smartyjones in Need discipline help   
    problem solving and social thinking do take focus and participation from the kid -- not a ton, but you do need some.
     
    I remember a book I read a while back -- When Labels Don't Fit - that had some helpful ideas. the fact is, his brain is working differently than what we generally expect from a kid and how we are used to dealing with people -- but, you still need some ideas of how to cope for yourself without losing your own mind.
     
    dcmom has some great ideas to help also -- she and I were discussing things on this forum - perhaps around Jan - spring of 2012. maybe you can search some posts from her around then and find some things - or pm her and ask for her discipline thoughts if she doesn't post.
     
    in exacerbation, it is helpful for me to think of him as younger - not so much to relax my expectations, but to treat him as such. such as time out like you would do for a 3 year old --- his brain is working as such, so i don't need to excuse the behavior, but more treat him in a way that works better for his brain.
     
    just some ideas of what seems to work for us.
     
    above all -- i believe in the medical help -- but also just so very much needed coping mechanisms to keep my sanity and better functioning of our entire household.
     
    yes, it is hard and unfair! i wish you luck.
  3. Like
    lmkmip67 reacted to dcmom in Need discipline help   
    Hi Lisa- It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I disagree with pr40 that language and disrespectful behavior should be acommodated, ocd or not. It is a very dark road to go down, at the end of it you will not recognize the family you had- we have been there.
     
    While at USF we spoke about this issue a lot. We were taught, and now try our best to practice, maintaining age appropriate expectations. This goes for behavior as well as responsibilities. For behavior, we use the "time out" procedure. If our kids misbehave, they receive a 4 minute time out immediately. We do not escort them to their time out, nor force them to take it, but simply they get nothing from anyone in the family until they do. Until they take their time out, no one speaks with them, they don't get food, driven anywhere, no computer, no tv, etc. They quickly learn to get the time out over with- and they also hate it. It is great, because we use it mostly instead of punishments such as "grounding". We, too, worry about depression, and ocd of not leaving the house- so we do not like to restrict activities that make them happy- however if needed, we will add a punishment to the time out.
     
    I don't necessarily think time outs, or any consequence will work quickly on behavior due to impulse control (we are seeing a little of that now), however I think it is a long term solution. I think they need a combination of consistent consequences, and conversations on strategy of better decisions to make at the time of anger (like smarty said), along with continued medical intervention for pandas. I think with these three approaches, with time, your child will be able to meet appropriate expectations. It is not easy, that is for sure. It takes steady, patient and persistent and consistent parenting. The tone of the house does not need to be negative- just matter of fact- if you do this, there is a consequence. etc.
     
    Good luck! Hang in there!
  4. Like
    lmkmip67 reacted to smartyjones in Need discipline help   
    would you consider working a problem solving model with him to devise a solution that works for all involved -- key phrase -- "that is a solution -- but we need a solution that works for everyone involved, that solution doesn't so much work for me."

    at a calm, neutral time -- sit down to discuss the problem
     
    step 1 -- define the problem -- it's interesting to see that not everyone even agrees on the problem or that there is a problem -- you strongly feel you have definitely made it known there is a problem -- he may honestly not even think it's that big of a deal
     
    step 2 -- define the common goal -- very interesting for us, ds often has a different goal than everyone else involved -- key point -- how could we possibly have a common solution if we have different goals
     
    step 3 -- devise ALL the possible solutions -- many are actually solutions -- not good ones, but solutions; not ones that work for everyone involved, but solutions -- ie. mom just needs to relax -- we write them all down but peg the ones that are not viable for all parties. try for 2-4 possible good ones for all involved; discuss why and how the bad ones are bad; in first doing this, we had to strongly state, "i'm not saying this is what we are going to do, i'm saying it is a possible solution."
     
    step 4 -- pick the solution to try FIRST
     
    step 5 -- try that solution
     
    step 6 -- evaluate -- continue with that solution, pick another one or back to the drawing board for more ideas
     
     
    for you, it may be that you spend time in define the problem and goal discussing calmly why this is such a problem -- it's against our rules, it makes other people feel bad, it damages our relationship, etc. then the solutions may be what you are going to do about it -- when you call me an idiot, you will lose X. I know you have done that before, but I've really been surprised at some of the good solutions ds comes up with and he's more likely to stick with it if he's come up with it or has agreed to it beforehand. possible, "when you feel so angry and frustrated you want to call me an idiot, you can do X instead."
     
    both my kids interrupt each other and me -- we have a plan to use the sign language "d" for 'don't interrupt'. granted, it's hard to remember to do it -- but it's much more successful and generates much nicer feelings than the other frustrated responses. they do it b/c they don't want to forget what they have to say -- we've also used a notebook to write it -- again, harder to use -- not so successful on the fly -- but saves yelling and arguing.
     
    we have also gotten some great help from social thinking -- it's a whole program you can google -- many books etc. simple but just puts it into terms kids easily get and like and can remember.
     
    also -- my nephew's teacher once tallied the times she was interrupted in a 50 min class -- something ridiculous like well over 100. when she sat down with him and calmly, rationally discussed how could she possibly get through her lesson plan being interrupted every 20 seconds and he was the second highest offender -- he was stunned he had done that. it was far more successful in getting him to work on it than all the other yelling, reminding, punishing etc. he interrupts with useful, on target comments -- so he didn't even make the connection that it is still interrupting, even if's its correct and on task.
     
    good luck.
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