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momslove

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  1. Like
    momslove reacted to kakrpa in OCD flare according to PANS "non-believers"   
    1. Likely a drop in efficacy of the med(s) - needing now a higher dose and/or augmentation with diff meds.
    2. Any additional stressors? School/life balance??
    My two cents
  2. Like
    momslove reacted to MomWithOCDSon in OCD flare according to PANS "non-believers"   
    There are a couple of possible factors (if not infection or immune dysfunction based):
    1.  SSRI "poop-out" is real, unfortunately; you can find first-person accounts of it in forums and discussion groups all over the world, and I've seen it first hand in family members.  That said, just anecdotally, I think some are more prone to it than others.  Though the science is still not fully researched or documented, it seems to have something to do with the particular receptors that each SSRI affects; pretty much every SSRI has a different formulation that impacts different receptor sites (whether dopamine, serotonin, 5H-T, norepinephrine transporter receptors, for instance), even though there's typically some crossover among all of them.  At any rate, if the receptor sites become unresponsive, which they can do, then the med doesn't work as well.  Weight typically has little to do with SSRI dosage.
    2.  We had a psych (and she's actually somewhat versed in PANDAS/PANS and certainly doesn't dismiss it) note for us that a component of our DS's increased challenges at an older age, as compared to when he was younger, were a factor of the expanding "gap" between what were age-appropriate expectations for behavior and what his jumbled brain could manage for him at the time.  It's one thing for a 3 or 4 year old to melt down in public, but when a 12, 14 or even 18 year old can't manage all the stimuli coming in and melts down, it's a whole different animal!  So, even if nothing dramatic changes in terms of environment or demands, just the fact that she's getting older and so society, friends, outside world and maybe even you tend to expect more "self-management" of her, that's a kind of pressure all on its own that might result in increased anxiety.
    Sorry you're continuing to go through this; we've been there (a protracted "story"), so I know how frustrating and demoralizing it can be at points.  All I can say is that, in your shoes, I would probably first try to rule out any physical (infection or immune) component to the decline, and once having done that, maybe look into the mental health options available to try and improve the quality of your DD's life (and yours by extension).  I don't know if you've considered it, but there are now the genetic testing options available (like Genomind) that hone in on genetics and any mutations that may interfere with the effectiveness of various medications, including SSRIs.  That might be one route to pursue, particularly if the others aren't fruitful.
    All the best to you.
  3. Like
    momslove reacted to MomWithOCDSon in narcoplepsy   
    Found it!
     
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2786037/
  4. Like
    momslove reacted to ktdommer in This is a family affliction...ugh   
    It is all hard. I'm married to an engineer who sees things black or white. With Lyme and PANS things are mostly grey. Another strain is the financial aspect of treatment. I just stopped talking about all the details of three of sick with Lyme which made it easier and he stopped questioning all the bills. It hurt deeply though that he mentally could not get to my level of involvement and caring. I realized he couldn't and never would. He didn't have it in him. This realization also was helpful. I sometimes would think he had bartonella.
    Hang in there and know you are not alone in your struggles.
  5. Like
    momslove got a reaction from SSS in This is a family affliction...ugh   
    Thanks.
     
    Tonight is better.
     
    DH and I are talking about other important matters that we agree about tonight.
     
    DD16 slept until about 4:30 pm today... She got up and put on some clean clothes and pulled her hair up because I told her that a friend of hers had told me today at school (where I work) that she might stop over tonight. Then she sat down and did some online biology.
     
    DH told her he was glad she did 30 minutes of biology today. He told us both he expects her to do more tomorrow and I don't disagree.
     
    Most of the time DH and I agree or accept our differences. The times when we don't are hard. Most of the time we do ok with DD and PANS/OCD issues, but when one of us "breaks" for a bit, we need a whole new set of skills for patience and communication.
     
    Thanks for being a safe place for me to share and receive support.
  6. Like
    momslove reacted to HopeinHIM in This is a family affliction...ugh   
    Oh momslove,
    I am so sorry. I too struggle with a similar situation. Such strain on the marriage. My husband understands only to a certain extent but then holds Ds up to standards he can't possibly fulfill. I am happy at times that our child showers and brushes teeth or joins us for dinner. I see that he is trying and suffering to just survive sometimes. This causes serious mental struggles. My H just wants everything back to normal and wants to push things to get there. Its counter productive for sure. I do the best I can to educate and keep him apprised our Ds illness and that is all I can do. It's all so complicated that even many doctors don't get it!!!! This will get better so we must all just hang in there and be strong for our beautiful afflicted children. Who could possibly understand this world we are in. Persevere!
  7. Like
    momslove got a reaction from BeeRae22 in This is a family affliction...ugh   
    Thanks.
     
    Tonight is better.
     
    DH and I are talking about other important matters that we agree about tonight.
     
    DD16 slept until about 4:30 pm today... She got up and put on some clean clothes and pulled her hair up because I told her that a friend of hers had told me today at school (where I work) that she might stop over tonight. Then she sat down and did some online biology.
     
    DH told her he was glad she did 30 minutes of biology today. He told us both he expects her to do more tomorrow and I don't disagree.
     
    Most of the time DH and I agree or accept our differences. The times when we don't are hard. Most of the time we do ok with DD and PANS/OCD issues, but when one of us "breaks" for a bit, we need a whole new set of skills for patience and communication.
     
    Thanks for being a safe place for me to share and receive support.
  8. Like
    momslove reacted to BeeRae22 in Help with blood draw anxiety attacks   
    So, just thought I'd update because I am still reeling (in a good way!) about dd's blood draw today.....
     
    Picked her up from school yesterday and she was in a great mood. All night she's happy, and "normal". The whole time I'm thinking to myself "now I have to tell her that she has this appointment tomorrow" and I'm dreading it.....
     
    Finally the time comes. It's getting close to bedtime, and I don't want to spring it on her in the morning. Assuring myself that I have the Xanax on the counter to help with the inevitable situation in the morning (and wishing I had a script for myself!) I grit my teeth and I tell her. "We have a doctor's appt in the morning". I pause, and brace myself for being hit or kicked. She asks me simply, "do I have to do bloodwork?" "I'm not sure, I have to call in the morning" I lie... ready for the storm. "I know I'm going to have to have bloodwork" she says, completely calm. I tell her again that I'm not sure, explain that I have this new medicine that can really help her, etc.
     
    And omg. ... Not a single comment. Not a "face", or a tear, or ANYTHING. Continues to be happy the rest of the night....
     
    And this morning? Same thing. Asks me if she can eat and drink, perfectly happy and calm, no faces, no hitting, scratching or kicking, no anything. Gets dressed on time, willingly and happily gets in the car, walks in, sits down, smiles at the nurse, does the draw, asks for an extra bandaid because they're cool ones, gets up and we leave.
     
    UNBELIEVABLE. I can't even explain what a miracle this is. I do not exaggerate when I tell you what a complete nightmare this has been every single time. And she continued to be happy for the rest of the day too! Wow!
     
    How do you explain that???
     
    (Ps. She seems so incredibly happy for the past 24+ hours, but is continuing her new obsession asking "what if" questions about getting sick, being sick, germs, vomiting, other people vomiting, etc. so ocd still present, and something still brewing/going on, but this today was just amazing!)
  9. Like
    momslove reacted to BeeRae22 in This is a family affliction...ugh   
    Yes, I've been there... Many times. Checking and checking my posts, desperate for suggestions. I wish I had one for you on this one, but can only offer my gift of understanding.
     
    My husband and I have also been at odds many times regarding behaviors and consequences, etc. I am actually amazed that we've made it this far in this journey with our family still in tact honestly, because It has come very close to being torn apart a number of times since the onset of dd's symptoms.
     
    It took a long time, and many conversations about how this disease works wih my husband (because i am the one that does all the research) and many times of pointing out to him that her behaviors were out of character (which you would think he would recognize but didn't) before he started to really "get" that she was incapable of controlling herself. Even when she isn't at her "worst", she would have times where you could've promised her a trip to Disneyworld if she would get control of herself, and I guarantee you that she still wouldn't have been able to do it.
     
    How old is your dd, and does she go to school at all? My dd had school refusal issues through most of last year in 3rd grade. It was awful, my heart goes out to you. At the beginning of this year I told my husband that if she started that again that I was going to take her out of school because I couldn't do it again. (Luckily, she is doing great this year). Each day I would work on her until I could get her to school, even if she was hours late, I brought her as soon as I could get here there. I am glad now that I pushed and didn't quit, but it was so hard on all of us.
     
    Best wishes to you and your family. I know how hard it is, but if you can't agree, than see if he'll try to agree to disagree for now.... Lame suggestion, I know good luck.
  10. Like
    momslove reacted to 4Nikki in steroid burst vs. steroid taper   
    Well... aren't kinda of the same thing? A Steriod Treatment. One is the same dosage over a period of time, while the other is a dosage that is reduced over a period of time. The difference is one is more of a abrupt stop while the other gradual stop to the system. I would think it just matter how sensitive your child is to receiving.
  11. Like
    momslove got a reaction from BeeRae22 in Spoiled rotten   
    Oh, I can so relate! Tonight I am crabby mom again.
     
    DD16 didn't make it to school again today. She doesn't like to explain details to me about what is going on with her anxiety, OCD, and how she feels in general. So she's in bed most of the day. I get home from work and start working at home. She calls me. I ignore her for a bit. Eventually I wander up. She wants me to re-heat her rice bag. I tell her no. I feel a little guilty and I show her some crabby. She's not happy and neither am I. My "no" to her is really what I need to say more. It is okay. What I need to stop doing is the mumbling I do (kind of hoping she might hear and change, seriously???) as I walk away from her saying things like, "Let me get right on that" and then making a sound like a cracking whip.
     
    I remind myself that she is doing better. There were times when a "no" would have made everything escalate. I remind myself that she is still sick. It is OCD that is cracking the whip on me and I can say "no" to OCD. If it's not OCD and is actually DD, I can say "no" to her too.
  12. Like
    momslove got a reaction from HopeinHIM in PANS/LYMES knowlegable therapist for child in NJ   
    My experience/perspective--for what it's worth...
     
    My DD has OCD secondary to PANS. We need doctors and therapists. We are working with doctors who seem to know what they are doing. We have had difficulty finding therapists who are knowledgable and skilled with cognitive behavior therapy, particularly ERP, which is the research or evidence based approach to dealing with OCD. We ended up going to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN for an intensive week of CBT/ERP. They were kind, compassionate, and highly skilled at this. When I inquired about the therapy, I was very clear about DD's medical diagnosis AND about our reasons for seeking their services--for the therapy, not medical advise. We had to go first for a psych eval and of course, there was some discussion, but we moved on. Mayo does not "support a diagnosis of PANDAS, but will treat the symptoms" according to staff in the neurology department, BUT they are awesome in providing treatment for OCD in another department.
     
    Be clear about what you want from a therapist and ask for that. In our case, we wanted CBT/ERP. It did not matter what they thought about PANDAS/PANS or any other possible cause of the OCD. If you want something else, that's ok, just be clear about it.
     
    My weakly formed analogy is a sports analogy. The opponents include strep, myco. pneum., coxsackie, OCD, lyme, bartonella, inflammation, etc. My DD's team includes herself, myself, and DH. I also serve as general manager, selecting coaches for offense, defense, and special teams. Each coach needs to do his/her job and not worry much about what the other coaches are doing.
  13. Like
    momslove got a reaction from cynditk in Still learning how to seek/sort care for my child...   
    We've been at this for 7 years now--5 since diagnosis of PANDAS and 4? since finding an expert. Along the way I have learned some lessons and yet I'm still disappointed in myself when I'm stumped as new situations present with providers...
     
    I have learned to be assertive with providers to tell them when I need some time with them without DD present. At first, I followed their lead and thought I needed to see how things went (e.g., with mental health care providers). My DD did not need to hear me describe all that was happening and speaking in code or hinting was not effective. I simply said I needed some of the time without DD. She REALLY appreciated it and it saved time overall.
     
    I have learned that if a provider does not "see" DD, it may cause problems with insurance coverage. Had an appointment for DD early on with a general practitioner and we couldn't get her out of the house. My DH and I went and had a good consultation, but insurance denied coverage. (Not my biggest battle, but lesson learned.)
     
    I have learned to keep calling when something is taking too long--lab orders, lab results, doctor response to questions. I'm not sure though if my calls made anything happen or just kept me busy...
     
    I have learned to follow my gut--based upon my observations and readings. We have found things that were not "right" because of this.
     
    I have learned that appealing insurance decisions can pay, literally. It is a lot of work though...
     
    I still have to learn how to make things happen...
     
    DD can be a "hard draw" when it comes to blood work. I'm trying to help her learn to assert herself. She now will tell them that she often needs a warm pack before a poke, but for some reason, they seem to want to try it first...
     
    The labs DD needs are often not standard so I bring in the order a day or more before the appointment for preparation. Still this last time, we waited for over an hour as they looked up or coded or whatever they have to do before drawing blood.
     
    When DD last had a blood draw, the woman wore no gloves. I stood there and watched and said nothing. This one still angers me (at myself) that I said nothing. Still need to figure out what I will say if it happens again... But we have already had one lab tell us they will no longer honor the lab orders from our PANDAS/PANS doc, so I don't want to burn this bridge...
     
    I also need to learn how to better coordinate the care from multiple providers...
     
    What lessons have you learned along the way? What are you still trying to figure out about seeking and sorting through the care for your child?
     
    Just wondering...
     
  14. Like
    momslove got a reaction from SSS in Still learning how to seek/sort care for my child...   
    We've been at this for 7 years now--5 since diagnosis of PANDAS and 4? since finding an expert. Along the way I have learned some lessons and yet I'm still disappointed in myself when I'm stumped as new situations present with providers...
     
    I have learned to be assertive with providers to tell them when I need some time with them without DD present. At first, I followed their lead and thought I needed to see how things went (e.g., with mental health care providers). My DD did not need to hear me describe all that was happening and speaking in code or hinting was not effective. I simply said I needed some of the time without DD. She REALLY appreciated it and it saved time overall.
     
    I have learned that if a provider does not "see" DD, it may cause problems with insurance coverage. Had an appointment for DD early on with a general practitioner and we couldn't get her out of the house. My DH and I went and had a good consultation, but insurance denied coverage. (Not my biggest battle, but lesson learned.)
     
    I have learned to keep calling when something is taking too long--lab orders, lab results, doctor response to questions. I'm not sure though if my calls made anything happen or just kept me busy...
     
    I have learned to follow my gut--based upon my observations and readings. We have found things that were not "right" because of this.
     
    I have learned that appealing insurance decisions can pay, literally. It is a lot of work though...
     
    I still have to learn how to make things happen...
     
    DD can be a "hard draw" when it comes to blood work. I'm trying to help her learn to assert herself. She now will tell them that she often needs a warm pack before a poke, but for some reason, they seem to want to try it first...
     
    The labs DD needs are often not standard so I bring in the order a day or more before the appointment for preparation. Still this last time, we waited for over an hour as they looked up or coded or whatever they have to do before drawing blood.
     
    When DD last had a blood draw, the woman wore no gloves. I stood there and watched and said nothing. This one still angers me (at myself) that I said nothing. Still need to figure out what I will say if it happens again... But we have already had one lab tell us they will no longer honor the lab orders from our PANDAS/PANS doc, so I don't want to burn this bridge...
     
    I also need to learn how to better coordinate the care from multiple providers...
     
    What lessons have you learned along the way? What are you still trying to figure out about seeking and sorting through the care for your child?
     
    Just wondering...
     
  15. Like
    momslove reacted to HopeinHIM in Still learning how to seek/sort care for my child...   
    Oh my,
    there is so much that I (we) have learned this past year. Our DS 10 was diagnosed with PANS and then Lymes. Treatment has been up and down and mostly down these past few months.
    I have learned that you can NOT actually run out of tears while watching you child struggling to maintain sanity each day. NO...Each day there is a whole new fresh batch of tears produced.
    I have learned that the power of a mother's love will take you to the end of the universe if need be until your child has some peace and normality.
    I have learned that that this illness can absorb every part of your being if you are not careful.
    I have learned that I MUST force myself to focus upon other family members despite me not wanting to do anything but research PANS and minister to my sick and needy child.
    I have learned that most people don't understand and that when mental illness is mixed into the equation, people will run away faster than a roadrunner. It is as if your child has leopercy.
    I now have more compassion for others who are ill and remember to send frequent notes of encouragment .
    I have learned that sometimes, with much prayer , that I am a mighty worrier for my boy but at the same time in the same day I can also fall apart and lose all hope.
    This is a journey that nobody would dream of or wish on their worst enemy. None of us asked for it and yet most of us embrace and face the challenge. I have most importantly learned that all that I do and all that the doctors do.... ultimatley, our children's future rests in the arms of God.
  16. Like
    momslove reacted to MaryAW in new physical symptoms?   
    Frequent urination is a classic PANS symptom.
     
    I'm not sure where you live, but I'm in CT and this time of year the mold spores are high. I have an allergic reaction to them that causes similar symptoms to what your DD has, with breathing difficulty and the postnasal drip causing me to clear my throat a lot. Maybe some Zyrtec would help?
  17. Like
    momslove reacted to Mayzoo in testing vitamin levels   
    It was a small piece of the puzzle I now know my kiddo is. It was not a huge revelation or a huge help, but every little bit helps some. We only had a few minor to moderate offs though, so if there is a major or numerous moderate deficiency, then it may a bigger piece of the puzzle.
     
    She was Vit d, Vit C, co-q 10, b-2 and one or two others deficient. Yeah, I get the tired part. I am willing to look up the individual tests as they are about 18 inches away and flipping through some pages, but my tireds is what made me ask if you wanted me to tonight . Usually, I just do stuff like that without asking, but----*yawn*-----not tonight . I will be happy to look it up tomorrow if it will in any way help your journey.
     
    I know I needed a lot of help when I began my journey, and I still need help here and there, so I am trying to help anyone and everyone I can along the way. Paying it both backwards and forwards so to speak .
  18. Like
    momslove reacted to qannie47 in looking for expert advice....pandas labs, treatment for a veteran pandas parent   
    could this be a yeast die off reaction from the probiotic? Early on, when I first introduced probiotics, it caused all the same symptoms that you are describing.
     
    Chest pain, could this be from him doing some minor hyperventilating from anxiety??? I only ask, because there was a time in my life where I had anxiety, and I did some mild hyperventilating. Not in any big way, but a lot of long deep breaths, nobody even noticed...however, it cause strain on my chest muscles, and I experienced a fair amount of pain....
     
    elbow pain: is he ticking with his arms? If he is doing a weird move, it could cause elbow pain with constant intermittent movement.
     
    Optimized Curcumin by Douglas Labs. They are wonderful for ALL kinds of inflammation. I suggest them because I know they are the real thing with the best bioavailability. I no longer need to use motrin and it provided 24 hour relief .... for my pandas son or myself (I have chronic back neck shoulder pain).
     
    Don't mean to sound so simplistic, but I always start with the easiest answers....it has saved me time and money....
     
    Keep us posted, and good luck.
  19. Like
    momslove got a reaction from EAMom in who would freak?   
    Having been on both sides of this--a school staff member requesting medical information and a parent providing medical information, there should be specific questions the school is asking or specific information they want. They should specify the information needed and why. As a parent, I have collected medical records and reports. I have reviewed them and decided if there was anything that would help the school help my child. The name of the form doesn't really matter in my experience. Don't be pushed to provide consent unless you are comfortable with exactly what information will be exchanged and why. More recently as a school staff member, I ask parents to collect any medical information or outside evaluation results and read through it themselves so they know what they are giving to the school if they choose to do so--to address specific questions.
  20. Like
    momslove got a reaction from MomWithOCDSon in who would freak?   
    Having been on both sides of this--a school staff member requesting medical information and a parent providing medical information, there should be specific questions the school is asking or specific information they want. They should specify the information needed and why. As a parent, I have collected medical records and reports. I have reviewed them and decided if there was anything that would help the school help my child. The name of the form doesn't really matter in my experience. Don't be pushed to provide consent unless you are comfortable with exactly what information will be exchanged and why. More recently as a school staff member, I ask parents to collect any medical information or outside evaluation results and read through it themselves so they know what they are giving to the school if they choose to do so--to address specific questions.
  21. Like
    momslove reacted to MomWithOCDSon in I want to argue with my DD!   
    I'm just guessing that your DD doesn't REALLY think she'll "be fine" without a high school diploma. This is her OCD school avoidance talking. And coming from an intelligent kid, they can rationalize nearly ANYTHING when the OCD/anxiety requires it of them. Been there, done that!
     
    Our therapists have been pretty consistent in coaching us that arguing with OCD is a non-starter. It won't bring about any positive behavioral changes, and it can help inadvertently feed the entrenched position your kid is already digging for herself.
     
    While I know you don't want to be punitive, the goal is to get her back in school, right? So, not as punishment or retribution, but as incentive, you probably are going to have to structure some things. I know the experts always encourage you to start with the positive reinforcement/incentives, but we found those to be few and far between when our DS was in the midst of his avoidance issues in the past. Still, it's worth a shot. Can you sit down with DD and figure out a stepped incentive program for, say, going to school and staying for one period. Then going to school and staying for 2 or 3 periods, and so on?
     
    If not, then maybe you won't have any choice but to implement some dis-incentives, and maybe applying some of those "real world" consequences suggested by Mayzoo would work here. Okay, since you're not going to school, I need you to come with me to do the grocery shopping, and you're in charge of tracking the budget vs. spending. Or, okay, since you're not going to school, and school is basically your "job" at your age, you'll need to substitute other jobs/responsibilities for your school time, so here's a list of jobs that I'll need you to do here at home (clean the refrigerator, rake the yard, etc.). Then there would need to be consequences if she didn't fulfill her obligations, and I think anything that you've given her access to as a privilege (cell phone, screen time, time out with friends, etc.), rather than a right (housing, shelter, sustenance, etc.) could and should be on the table. After all, as you've pointed out, you can't have any of those privileges without the necessary financial resources, and if she's not doing her job (going to school, or a substitute), then she can't hope to "earn" these things.
  22. Like
    momslove reacted to Mayzoo in I want to argue with my DD!   
    I do not think "arguing" with her will help much, BUT she is almost or over 16 right?
     
    Dependent on her mental health/ability right now, maybe it is time she sits down with you for a few non-confrontational life skill lessons. She could sit with you and help you pay the bills you have and balance your checkbook for a few months. She could also learn to actively help with grocery shopping ie keeping it in budget and cooking with what you have. All these are skills she must have to be independent regardless of her income, and the effect that has on her attitude will likely be more impactful than an argument or just stating facts she does not see in actual life.
     
    She may not truly "get" how expensive living is. The best you can hope for is to instill in her the real cost of living through non-confrontational, hopefully low stress examples.
  23. Like
    momslove reacted to BeeRae22 in I want to argue with my DD!   
    My children are still little so I can't speak to the teenage aspect of parenting, but when I was reading your post I was "putting on my anxiety ears" while listening to your reasoning . Try to remind yourself that OCD is an anxiety disorder, and you can't "reason with anxiety". Your daughter is too busy worrying about beer being on a remote to consider thoughts of minimum wage jobs and the cost of Netflix frustrating I know, and I'm sure you know all of this already anyway..... Save those conversations for when she's well. If she can't get there right now, than she will some other time.
    Best of luck!
  24. Like
    momslove got a reaction from tic2talk in Food allergy question   
    Teamtyrion--When DD suffered another relapse, she had "issues" with so many things... One difficulty she had was plastic--she could not eat or be near anything that she thought had touched plastic. The bottle of drops was glass, but the pump was plastic. Also, she had great difficulty with anything she considered chemical and this included her drops.
     
    We went to a place in LaCrosse WI which, I think, developed the "LaCrosse Method" of sublingual immunotherapy. They were very good, but the last time we went, we saw the wrong guy... Unfortunately got into discussion about reality of PANDAS... That doctor is no longer there.
     
    We would not rule out going there again, but right now treating Lyme and Bart and strep. Also doing our best with diet change...
     
    I think Doris Rapp is an interesting read--"Is This Your Child?". This is what led us to treat allergy before we even knew about PANDAS.
  25. Like
    momslove reacted to smartyjones in WHO AM I TO BE MAKING THESE DECISIONS?!   
    oh momslove -- YOU are. I know where you are and how you feel but it is you and even if you don't realize it now -- some day you will know that that is actually a powerful place to be and you are the best decision maker for your child.
     
    I had some trouble, not serious, just mainly discomfort and 'crookedness' late in the pregnancy with ds10. I saw an acupuncturist that really was able to help. at one appointment, she said to me, 'please remember you have all of the strength of all the woman who have gone before you in this.' so, I say to you -- please remember, you have all of the strength of all the parents before and with you on this battle path.
     
    3 years ago when ds was having trouble with school and left school to finish the last 7 months of 2nd grade on hometeaching (especially sad b/c it didn't have to go that way - but we couldn't reach understanding and agreement with school) - our wise psych tried to impart to me that it was okay, because it was up to me, in the end, I was the one who could make the decisions. at the time, it felt horrible and I don't think i'll ever forget crying in her office that I didn't want it to be up to me, I didn't want to make the decisions.l
     
    now, unfortunately, we are facing the same situation (although possibly a better outcome b/c of more caring school) I KNOW that that is actually an empowering situation and I wouldn't want it any different.
     
    Good luck!
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