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jae millz

Sensorimotor OCD, does anyone else have it? and help!

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hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my ###### life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the ###### i am going through 24/7.

 

to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a ###### nightmare.

 

im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its ######. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is ######, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live.

 

i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr. steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same ###### and understand what im feeling. to anyone else going through this ###### hit me up ! sorry for the huge ###### post my bad, this is just some straight from the heart emotional ######. i just really wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without the smocd affecting me. so is there anyone else here that has the same problem?

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Welcome to the forums Jae. I've got a rather similar kind of thing myself, so I know how wearing it is. I've never heard the phrase "sensorimotor OCD" before, so thanks for putting me on to that one! I thought of it as somewhere between OCD and Tourette's. That does exist, according to some, there are articles about it here and here. I recently went to a psychologist for an official diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, and she insisted it was part of the Asperger's rather than a condition in itself, but I'm not sure she's right. Especially as yours sounds the same and you don't mention having Asperger's.

 

I've never heard of anyone with that breathing thing before, except me. When I have a bout of that, I feel as if I can't breathe out completely, and keep breathing in really hard to try and get it out... sort of like I need to yawn. Does that sound familiar by any chance?

 

I'd suggest getting a book on CBT for OCD, but I've never seen one that mentions this kind. Sorry I can't be more help. I'm planning to do an exclusion diet soon, to find out whether it's food intolerance (tics/OCD often are, by some accounts), so I'll keep you posted about that.

 

Good luck!

Wombat140

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Welcome to the forums Jae. I've got a rather similar kind of thing myself, so I know how wearing it is. I've never heard the phrase "sensorimotor OCD" before, so thanks for putting me on to that one! I thought of it as somewhere between OCD and Tourette's. That does exist, according to some, there are articles about it here and here. I recently went to a psychologist for an official diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, and she insisted it was part of the Asperger's rather than a condition in itself, but I'm not sure she's right. Especially as yours sounds the same and you don't mention having Asperger's.

 

I've never heard of anyone with that breathing thing before, except me. When I have a bout of that, I feel as if I can't breathe out completely, and keep breathing in really hard to try and get it out... sort of like I need to yawn. Does that sound familiar by any chance?

 

I'd suggest getting a book on CBT for OCD, but I've never seen one that mentions this kind. Sorry I can't be more help. I'm planning to do an exclusion diet soon, to find out whether it's food intolerance (tics/OCD often are, by some accounts), so I'll keep you posted about that.

 

Good luck!

Wombat140

 

Thanks so much for the reply, really appreciate it! Hmm don't know alot about aspergers, ###### hope it isnt! Thanks heaps for the links, theres so little literature on this particular subject, so this is really useful, cheers.

 

With the breathing out thing, I know exactly what you mean! I can't breathe out properly, it just doesn't feel right so I keep doing it, and I make myself yawn to do it.

As for your diet, yeah keep me posted! Do you have facebook?

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(Forgot to answer this before.) Sorry, haven't got Facebook - I waste too much time on the Internet as it is, so I don't want to encourage myself! But I'll post about the diet on here somewhere. You never know, someone else might find it handy. Had trouble finding out how to go about it myself.

 

As for Asperger's, doesn't really make a lot of sense hoping it isn't that. It's not as if it's liable to get worse or anything. All the difference it makes is, either you have certain characteristics because of Asperger's, or you have them for no reason that anyone recognises - which can be a real pain if any of them ever cause problems and you need allowances made for them; a lot of places act like if you haven't some diagnosis to go with it, you have no right to have a problem! (Apologies for rant, been having to fill in endless forms about special exam arrangements. Think I've nearly got to the end of it now, though.)

 

If you've been on Lovan for more than a month or so and it doesn't help, it might be time to ask about either a higher dose or a different medicine. A lot of people with OCD seem to do better on some SSRI drugs than others, even though they're meant to be fairly interchangeable. Not that I've actually taken SSRIs myself, but I know the drill from having used OCD web forums for so long!

All the best,

Wombat

 

PS A lot of people reckon Einstein had Asperger's.

Edited by Wombat140

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