Jump to content

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google Plus
  • Youtube
  • youtube


Existing forum users need to log into the forums and website with their email address and password. Become a premium member to access enhanced forum features and visit our online store to view our products.
Special Offer: Free 1 Month Trial of our Premium Membership!


The ACN Latitudes Premium Membership provides access to over 80 premium health articles on neurological conditions along with an exclusive premium newsletter. In addition, you will have several enhanced forum features, which include helpful perks such as: no advertisements, live chat room, forum blogging, increased messaging storage, and much more! Your Premium Membership also helps to support the efforts of our non-profit organization. Start Your Free Trial!

 




ACN Latitudes Premium Membership






ACN Latitudes Premium Membership
- - - - -

unwanted sexual thoughts, help me!


  • Please log in to reply
97 replies to this topic

#76 deoxyribonucleic anna

deoxyribonucleic anna

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 06 December 2009 - 11:14 AM

i agree, seeing other people that had similar thoughts helped me slightly, but i still can't get the thoughts out of my head. im on 5-htp and and its helping some but every day is a struggle. i keep having these obsessive thoughts, or "fears" about homosexuality. just certain situations make me freak out and get scared , like when a guy has his shirt off or if i see roomates boxers or what have you. it really pisses me off, because i never ever had homosexual thoughts before. i hate the thoughts, and would give anything to go back to the way my mind was before. i'm not having desires or anything, just thoughts and fears and questions of DO I REALLY LIKE GIRLS? or i'll think about how horrible my life would be and it just drives me nuts....i went to a dr about it and he said i have severe anxiety (which i already knew) and some ocd ... my whole anxiety thing started this past spring (2006) after i had a huge panic attack which landed me in the hospital. i had been smoking a pack a day for three years, smoking more pot in a week than most have in their lives, and drinking every night i stopped cold turkey on all of those for a good 2 months or so, and began to drink again, nothing real serious, but the anxiety and panic attacks remained occaisionally. also, now every word i hear on tv that is semi-sexual or can be turned into a sexual word catches my attention and freaks me out/scares me.....i still drink all the time, and my dr says that my alcoholism is lowering my serotonin levels, making me more susceptable to ocd and anxiety. another example of my ocd/anxiety is last saturday, my friend was being an idiot and sprayed some kind of keyboard cleaning stuff at me, and it kind of got me in the ear. we read the label and said it could be fatal to inhale, and i freaked out inside and couldn't stop worrying about it, even tho almost nothing of it touched my ear, simply amazing. the same thing happened last year when someone sprayed orange cleaner at me and some got in my drink, i drank it and swore i was like poisoned and couldn't stop worrying about it....these type of worries seem to go away with assurance that they aren't real, but still i have other thoughts that i can't stop worrying about on occasion. i just don't understand why this homosexual thought thing won't completely go away, and why some days its worse than others....im a sophomore in college at a big university, so you can only imagine how horrible every day is for me....any help would be awesome



I have a very similar situation. I, too, am a sophomore at a big university and have been dealing with persistent unwanted sexual thoughts. They are quite disturbing and involve people I would really not like to have them about. I will not disclose who they are, but it is really disturbing. I worry what is wrong with me, and I am taking Lexapro and a mood stabilizer. I worry these meds are making me have the thoughts, because before I was able to let go of such (then fleeting) thoughts. I can't just stop taking the meds which really sucks. I feel that being a sophomore in college is really hard mentally for everyone. Maybe I'm wrong but just a thought. Pot brought me to the hospital, and LSD also did. I have had very miserable luck with drugs, and it took me a while to understand this and quit my drugs of choice, psychedelics. I keep hearing people say on this forum to just say they are nothing and mean nothing and to just forget them, but I've tried this and it doesn't work. I have also tried to dismiss them by letting myself think about them, but this also seems to not be working. Which really works for you? I am so confused and so sick of this particular thought, I feel like I might be promoting obsessive thoughts to continue in my life, past this particular thought.


#77 jonesy81

jonesy81

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 02 February 2010 - 06:40 AM

im so happy i have finally got to the bottom of this i have had this for 10 years and was too scared to talk about it - i have just started talkng to my wife about it and she is very supportive - i have just bottled it up and have just got on with it but it feels worse because you feel like you are a freak on your own - i now can relax in my own life and hopefully move on and control what is inside my head

#78 pinders

pinders

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 21 February 2010 - 02:18 PM


I feel all of your pain. I was living a normal life until I was 19. I then started thinking all kinds of sick sexual stuff. Anything your mind could imagine, I thought. It got so bad, that I looked at everyone and everything around me and I could think of sexual thoughts of them. I could not understand what was wrong with me. It was killing me that I could be like that. I thought if any of my friends or family knew, they'd hate me for sure. I would be around a male friend, a sexual thought. I would thinking, what in the world is wrong with you? That's sick. It's been seven years since, and it gets in it's real bad points and then they subside. But when it's bad, I just want to die. I am afraid to even hold a child because a thought comes into my head and I think I'm some sick pedophile and I should be shot. Does this mean I'm sicker than everyone else on here? I know I am attracted to females. Heck, an attractive female flirts heavily with me, it makes my day. So why these thoughts? I want this to go away. I want to live normally, not have thoughts that make me feel like scum of the earth. I am glad I can release this off my chest. It's weighed on me for so many years, seven!!!!

Hi i know exactly how you feel ive been like this now for 2 years and it is killing me, i just want to die everyday because i feel sick and disgusting for having these thoughts. I am a woman and i have a lovely boyfriend who is everything that i could want, but im plagued with unwanted sexual thoughts, i have thought about children, and my own family. It just makes me feel sick when i think stuff like this. I know that they are just thoughts but when the thought comes into my head the urge to think about it is so strong that i have to think about it if you know what i mean, and what i do be trying to do is make myself realise that i dont really feel like this and sometimes i cant. When i do realize it then i start to feel really guilty for having such terrible thoughts about my family, and that makes it start up all over again. I really need to stop this now because i want to have a normal happy life, my boyfriend knows that i have ocd, but he doesnt know about the unwanted sexual thoughts, i have also had thoughts of thinking that i wouldnt care if someone died and have told him about this, that problem isnt as bad as my current one, but it still happens to me sometimes. Im also afraid to have sex sometimes because those thoughts come into my head then also and i do be afraid that i like them, i know that i dont but you know yourself that when the thoughts come into your head it doesnt feel like that. Please help me, it does make me feel a bit better knowing other people feel the same as me, but i even feel guilty and worried after writing this because i have put all my worries into words for the first time and it is after making it even more real now for me.



Are you still having problems? I am too, and I've been suffering for nearly 2 years. It's been the most awful pain ever and I wish it would go away before it gets worse. If you want you can email me, it's always nice to have someone to chat to about things, as I can't tell anyone else.

#79 xxcrashxheartsxx

xxcrashxheartsxx

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 24 March 2010 - 09:10 PM

i get sexual thoughts about my brother sometimes and i try to block them out but i see images in my head sometimes before i can stop them. i want to do anything to get rid of them but i can't and i feel so disgusting and dirty. I feel like crying whenever i think about it but i can't stop the thoughts sometimes
I want to talk to my psychologist when i start seeing her again but i'm so afraid she won't think this is part of OCD and will make me feel bad about it and like act like i actually want to do these things with him! i'm so scared and i dont know what to do.
i'm really afraid to share this but sometimes when my brother is around and the thoughts try to come up into my head i start feeling weird down there but i don't want it in my head! i don't want to do anything with him and i don't feel like i do with crushes with him. so why is this happening? Is this just brought on along with the sexual thoughts or does it mean i really want him?
Please help me and tell me what you think or if you have experience with this too. i'm too afraid to tell my psychologist. i'm 16 if it means anything

#80 lovepeople

lovepeople

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 20 June 2010 - 08:38 PM

I feel all of your pain. I was living a normal life until I was 19. I then started thinking all kinds of sick sexual stuff. Anything your mind could imagine, I thought. It got so bad, that I looked at everyone and everything around me and I could think of sexual thoughts of them. I could not understand what was wrong with me. It was killing me that I could be like that. I thought if any of my friends or family knew, they'd hate me for sure. I would be around a male friend, a sexual thought. I would thinking, what in the world is wrong with you? That's sick. It's been seven years since, and it gets in it's real bad points and then they subside. But when it's bad, I just want to die. I am afraid to even hold a child because a thought comes into my head and I think I'm some sick pedophile and I should be shot. Does this mean I'm sicker than everyone else on here? I know I am attracted to females. Heck, an attractive female flirts heavily with me, it makes my day. So why these thoughts? I want this to go away. I want to live normally, not have thoughts that make me feel like scum of the earth. I am glad I can release this off my chest. It's weighed on me for so many years, seven!!!!

I feel for everybody who has been through these kind of thoughts. They do not mean anything, or what who you really or your deep intentions. They are thoughts as any others, but unfortunatly we give them power. I had these thoughts, religious sexual thoughts when I was 13 or 14, having the fear of insulting God and other very weired thoughts, and dealt with it for almost a year before things had gotten better.. I was so affraid of them that I didn't tell my family and kept the fear and the suffering for myself. I was hopeless and thought I was the most sinful person in the world. Now, I'm 35 and these thoughts are coming back. Fortunatly, I have a wonderful therapist that was a very big help in making me feel better about the thoughts. I'm still dealing with them, less frequently, but I have faith that they will loose their power some day. I believe that God is the forgiveness itself, and the thoughts, no matter how discussing may seem, are part of the human condition. Pleaaaase talk a therapist about them, and here you are talking to us, bloggers, about them and no one would judge you or me, we are so many out there dealing with this. You have the thoughts about things you are the most scared of, and unwilling to act on the most! Do not give them power, and all my wish some day these thoughts will loose power, I hope we focus on other positive thoughts and If the bad ones pop up, know that they are just there and have no power over your deep intentions and actions. All the best luck to you and all of us, please seek help from a therapist, and knoa that you are normal, a good person!! please contact if you want to talk more, I will be happy to share, love and peace my friends

#81 theatreofthemind

theatreofthemind

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 08 November 2010 - 10:15 PM

I am a 17 yr old male and I have also suffered from these debilitating sexual thoughts. I have just realized that for a significant portion of my life, I have exhibited many OCD symptoms, such as always having to do things an even number of times, always keeping count of weird things in my mind, and even betting fake money "against myself" in making a decision - pretty weird. I KNOW I'm not homosexual, and I sure as ###### don't want to be - I've always watched completely straight pornography and been sexually attracted to girls. But every so often that weird subconcious transient thought arises and makes me question myself, or even tell myself i'm gay, which is terrifying, I then counter these unwanted thoughts by telling myself that its sick, its f*cked, which it is. Like stated previously though, theres a huge difference between thought and true desire. I have always considered myself homophobic and I recently read a study stating that many 'homophobic' males are actually somewhat aroused by men, although still heterosexual, so I have concluded that it is unhealthy to be this way. I truly desire women, but I've always been bad with attracting them. I fit into the standard "nice guy" stereotype - so much respect for women that I'm often intimidated by them or seem uninteresting to them, but thats had a lot to do with my upbringing in a christian "don't date till your 30" type environment. At school right now theres a girl I really like, its kind of funny, its like the same amount of preconcious energy that I expend struggling with unwanted homosexual thoughts, I spend thinking about her at the concious level. We recently cuddled and made out at a party, which felt great, but not quite real because she was drunk and I was unsure of her feelings towards me in reality, obviously making my already complicated life just a little more stressful. I am would love to have a relationship with her, but right now shes not reciprocating the feelings I have towards her, so we'll see what happens. Just reading these other stories have helped me tremendously in dealing with this situation, but I really hope its just some form of teenage angst that will pass as I move into adulthood. Man, we people are messed

Edited by theatreofthemind, 08 November 2010 - 10:20 PM.


#82 foggy1

foggy1

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 07 January 2011 - 06:48 PM

I feel all of your pain. I was living a normal life until I was 19. I then started thinking all kinds of sick sexual stuff. Anything your mind could imagine, I thought. It got so bad, that I looked at everyone and everything around me and I could think of sexual thoughts of them. I could not understand what was wrong with me. It was killing me that I could be like that. I thought if any of my friends or family knew, they'd hate me for sure. I would be around a male friend, a sexual thought. I would thinking, what in the world is wrong with you? That's sick. It's been seven years since, and it gets in it's real bad points and then they subside. But when it's bad, I just want to die. I am afraid to even hold a child because a thought comes into my head and I think I'm some sick pedophile and I should be shot. Does this mean I'm sicker than everyone else on here? I know I am attracted to females. Heck, an attractive female flirts heavily with me, it makes my day. So why these thoughts? I want this to go away. I want to live normally, not have thoughts that make me feel like scum of the earth. I am glad I can release this off my chest. It's weighed on me for so many years, seven!!!!



I'm 19 and have literally started to get similar thoughts. Literally a few months after I turned 19 I saw a T.V. show and I started thinking what if I did that or wanted to and I havnt been able to get the thought out of my mind since. I've been to the doctor and theyre saying they cant find a shrink for me at the mo on the NHS and I cant really afford private. I have so much support from family but I can only tell them how the thoughts make me feel and that I dont want them, but not what they are actually about. I get thoughts about literally anything or anyone too, but when its my family or even kids I feel sick to my stomach and I dont know what to do. Im not suicidal or anything like that, but I need someone to talk to, and I really thought I was alone in all this.

#83 SconeTheif

SconeTheif

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 04 April 2011 - 10:28 AM

I'm 19 and have literally started to get similar thoughts. Literally a few months after I turned 19 I saw a T.V. show and I started thinking what if I did that or wanted to and I havnt been able to get the thought out of my mind since. I've been to the doctor and theyre saying they cant find a shrink for me at the mo on the NHS and I cant really afford private. I have so much support from family but I can only tell them how the thoughts make me feel and that I dont want them, but not what they are actually about. I get thoughts about literally anything or anyone too, but when its my family or even kids I feel sick to my stomach and I dont know what to do. Im not suicidal or anything like that, but I need someone to talk to, and I really thought I was alone in all this.


I'm 21 and started having thoughts around six months ago. At first I found it easier to shrug the thoughts off and carry on. But as of late the thoughts have been much stronger and more pesistant. I googled obsessive thoughts and found it really comforting to not be the only person who had them. One question I did have is how people go to the doctor and tell them about the thoughts. They are completely sickening to me and I don't think I could bring myself to tell them to someone else; even my family that I have them. I've started recently to feel like a failure because I can't shift these thoughts and was going to call my GP and ask for help but didn't know what I could say.... :(

#84 YoungSoujiro

YoungSoujiro

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 04 April 2011 - 08:12 PM

Hey guys. Since this thread was helpful to me in coming up with a mental strategy, and making breakthroughs, I figured I'd post some things that helped. For me, the unwanted sexual thoughts were of a homosexual nature. This was disturbing to me because of this fear that 1) what if I am gay (and mistaken about my sexual identity for the last 14 years)? 2) what would happen then with my parents, friends, etc.?, and 3) could I lose all that I gain out of being attracted to women (which feels to me, yes, like a lot to lose)? But I feel like I'm at a good place with that now, and here's how I got there.

First, I went down the line of finding this article. It was very, very helpful to know that I wasn't alone.

Second, I had to work through why it bothered me so much. What I figured out was that I believed, on at least some level, that if I turned out to be gay or bi, I would be rejected by friends and family and that I would no longer be worthy of love. For me, the solution was unabashed self-acceptance; I acknowledged, affirmed, and repeated that I am worthy of love regardless of my sexual orientation -- whatever it happens to be. (At this point, I calmed down a _lot_).

Third, I looked up information on "figuring out your sexual identity," watched a documentary on bisexuality, and did some basic research on sexuality, including the perception of sexuality through the ages. Some interesting and highly useful things I've found include:
  • Arousal and attraction are not the same. For example, there was a study done with couples where they would eat onions and make out. The association of made it so the smell of onions started to physically arouse them. Were these people "onionsexual"? I think not. Simiarly, I have a friend who gets turned on by the sound of pencil clicks (no idea why). Pencilsexual? Hardly. In other words, arousal is LEARNED and TRAINED. Attraction is something quite different.
  • Attraction is hard for ANYONE to put their finger on, and historically and in contemporary perception involves everything from finding someone physically attractive to wanting to be with them emotionally to wanting to be with them physically to developing feelings for them. It is _not_ having sexual thoughts about them. Sexual thoughts do not define who you are sexually, or who you are attracted to.
  • Sexuality can be largely cultural. There are many eras where bisexuality was incredibly prominent, in part because it was so accepted. First, these people lived happy and fulfilling lives, so even if you are gay/bi, you can be totally happy. And second, this means that there's a social element to our attraction. Why would that be? Maybe it's "top of mind" thought and curiosity -- the very thing people here are struggling with and obsessing over. But, again, even if it impacts your thoughts, it does not determine who you are in sexual identity.
  • If you have had crushes on the opposite gender before, or fallen in love with them, then you are either bi or straight in capabilities. If you really don't want to be gay, then bisexuality gives you the option to simply _decline_ sexual opportunities with men and move on.
  • Focusing your mental thought on a part of your body will generally increase nerve sensitivity and bloodflow to that area. This can be, at least to some degree, confused for low-level arousal. Don't call something arousal until it's evident that it is such!
  • It's normal to be aroused by anything having to do with sex -- two men, two women, whatever else. Your body will respond when it sees something sexual. This doesn't make you gay/bestialist/whatever else. It just makes you human.
  • The "Kinsey Scale" says we're all somewhere between gay and straight. It's normal -- historically and in the present era -- to have some degree of physical/emotional attraction to the same gender. In fact, the rare ones are those who don't have any attraction to the same gender. So relax! You're normal, even for a straight person.

Okay, so there's a ton of information! But it's not where I stopped.

Fourth, I went to a very low-grade experiment with physical arousal to see if I'm aroused by men. I used pictures (not pornographic, which are likely to arouse people simply because they're sexual) and found that I start out _worried_ that I'm aroused by men, then after looking think that they're decent to look at, then quickly get bored. With women, I start out somewhat bored (I'm guessing because I've looked at a lot of porn in my life, and so I've built up a "tolerance") and become increasingly aroused. So the end-game for ME is men = boredom, women = arousal, in physical appearance.

Fifth, I made a decision on my values and sexuality. I'm NOT a Christian, and I do NOT believe homosexuality is evil. The idea of ######, though, makes me very uncomfortable. I respect my discomfort, and so won't experiment or try to "push through it" (why would I? that's essentially trying to convert myself, which we know people can do. Remember how people are in prisons? When at sea for a long time?). But true love is hard to find. If another man enters my life and he's everything I want in a partner, and he's willing to be patient and understanding with me sexually (I do think it would take a while to learn enjoyment with ######), then I wouldn't turn him away. I would still, however, acknowledge that men come at a much higher social price -- given the fallout with family and even myself -- than women do. Especially with that being considered, it's clear in my mind that I prefer women (even if I'm not totally closed off to the idea of men). Do you know what they call preferring women when you're a man? Heterosexuality. At _most_ I'm "heteroflexible" -- which is increasingly common, given the values of the 21st century.

Sixth, I came to terms with my femininity (I have a lot of feminine and masculine qualities, and one of the reasons I started getting paranoid was that so many have assumed I'm bi). Remember, "masculine" and "feminine" are cultural, not sexual or genetic. With the exclusion of obvious things like childbirth and building muscle mass, we're physically and emotionally very similar. I'm allowed to be however feminine I am. ######, there's "metrosexual" people out there who act completely gay but still come home to women. Femininity doesn't determine my sexuality.

Seventh, I worked out other stressors in my life. Once I calmed down on this area, I started dealing with some other issues I've been having with work and school. Once I'd worked through those things, my own emotions came through more clearly -- and it was apparent that the reason I wasn't feeling super attracted to women lately had nothing to do with being attracted to men (I wasn't). I was just distracted -- and that's okay! Also, after calming down, I had sex with a girl who I care about and really enjoyed the experience -- since I'd stopped worrying about whether or not I was enjoying it -- and had it confirmed that I am, yes, straight. But that can't come if you're freaked out about it. Attraction is an _emotion_, not a thought. If you're clogging up your emotion with worry while trying to capture it analytically, you can't see what's there -- whatever it is.

Eighth, I had a blunt conversation with this girl about the sexual paranoia. I said, "I think I'm straight." She said, "Yeah, I think you're straight too." It was such a relief just to hear it from someone else. I needed it just to calm my nerves, I think! But people are more understanding, open, and on the same page as you than you realize they are. If you're looking for reassurance, try to find people you can turn to.

Anyway, I feel really good about where I'm at with all of this. I hope some of these ideas and factoids help!

Cheers,

Seta

#85 vamy

vamy

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 04 May 2011 - 10:48 PM

I used to have sexual thought for my friends. After counselling with doctor, he adviced me to do my favourite things to divert my thoughts. Since i am PC game freak, i started playing games whenever such thoughts come to my mind. It doesn't help that much but at least for time being my mind is diverted somewhere else.

#86 westoftherockies

westoftherockies

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 15 May 2011 - 10:35 PM

I just wanted to reemphasize the point that there is hope for "beating" this kind of OCD and living a normal, productive life. I started having obsessive thoughts about being homosexual in the 6th grade and they (and other crazier, messed up stuff) have continued ever since then. Yes, things have been hard at times, and yes, like many of you, I have in the past contemplated suicide. However, if you employ techniques like CBT and SSRI medication, things become much more manageable. Yes, I still have crazy sexual thoughts all the time, but I don't let them rule my life. It is important to realize that they are just thoughts and that they have no bearing on who you are or on what your desires are. You all have too much potential to let crap like this hold you back! I've found it kind of helps to get angry at OCD, say to yourself, "I'm better than this crap and there is no way in ###### that I'm going to let it rule my life!" I have progressed from a point from where I was much worse off than many of you (nervous breakdown anyone?)to where I am now a very successful college senior about to enter law school. There is hope!

#87 dave18

dave18

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts

Posted 04 June 2011 - 02:12 PM

Hey guys. Since this thread was helpful to me in coming up with a mental strategy, and making breakthroughs, I figured I'd post some things that helped. For me, the unwanted sexual thoughts were of a homosexual nature. This was disturbing to me because of this fear that 1) what if I am gay (and mistaken about my sexual identity for the last 14 years)? 2) what would happen then with my parents, friends, etc.?, and 3) could I lose all that I gain out of being attracted to women (which feels to me, yes, like a lot to lose)? But I feel like I'm at a good place with that now, and here's how I got there.

First, I went down the line of finding this article. It was very, very helpful to know that I wasn't alone.

Second, I had to work through why it bothered me so much. What I figured out was that I believed, on at least some level, that if I turned out to be gay or bi, I would be rejected by friends and family and that I would no longer be worthy of love. For me, the solution was unabashed self-acceptance; I acknowledged, affirmed, and repeated that I am worthy of love regardless of my sexual orientation -- whatever it happens to be. (At this point, I calmed down a _lot_).

Third, I looked up information on "figuring out your sexual identity," watched a documentary on bisexuality, and did some basic research on sexuality, including the perception of sexuality through the ages. Some interesting and highly useful things I've found include:

  • Arousal and attraction are not the same. For example, there was a study done with couples where they would eat onions and make out. The association of made it so the smell of onions started to physically arouse them. Were these people "onionsexual"? I think not. Simiarly, I have a friend who gets turned on by the sound of pencil clicks (no idea why). Pencilsexual? Hardly. In other words, arousal is LEARNED and TRAINED. Attraction is something quite different.
  • Attraction is hard for ANYONE to put their finger on, and historically and in contemporary perception involves everything from finding someone physically attractive to wanting to be with them emotionally to wanting to be with them physically to developing feelings for them. It is _not_ having sexual thoughts about them. Sexual thoughts do not define who you are sexually, or who you are attracted to.
  • Sexuality can be largely cultural. There are many eras where bisexuality was incredibly prominent, in part because it was so accepted. First, these people lived happy and fulfilling lives, so even if you are gay/bi, you can be totally happy. And second, this means that there's a social element to our attraction. Why would that be? Maybe it's "top of mind" thought and curiosity -- the very thing people here are struggling with and obsessing over. But, again, even if it impacts your thoughts, it does not determine who you are in sexual identity.
  • If you have had crushes on the opposite gender before, or fallen in love with them, then you are either bi or straight in capabilities. If you really don't want to be gay, then bisexuality gives you the option to simply _decline_ sexual opportunities with men and move on.
  • Focusing your mental thought on a part of your body will generally increase nerve sensitivity and bloodflow to that area. This can be, at least to some degree, confused for low-level arousal. Don't call something arousal until it's evident that it is such!
  • It's normal to be aroused by anything having to do with sex -- two men, two women, whatever else. Your body will respond when it sees something sexual. This doesn't make you gay/bestialist/whatever else. It just makes you human.
  • The "Kinsey Scale" says we're all somewhere between gay and straight. It's normal -- historically and in the present era -- to have some degree of physical/emotional attraction to the same gender. In fact, the rare ones are those who don't have any attraction to the same gender. So relax! You're normal, even for a straight person.

Okay, so there's a ton of information! But it's not where I stopped.

Fourth, I went to a very low-grade experiment with physical arousal to see if I'm aroused by men. I used pictures (not pornographic, which are likely to arouse people simply because they're sexual) and found that I start out _worried_ that I'm aroused by men, then after looking think that they're decent to look at, then quickly get bored. With women, I start out somewhat bored (I'm guessing because I've looked at a lot of porn in my life, and so I've built up a "tolerance") and become increasingly aroused. So the end-game for ME is men = boredom, women = arousal, in physical appearance.

Fifth, I made a decision on my values and sexuality. I'm NOT a Christian, and I do NOT believe homosexuality is evil. The idea of ######, though, makes me very uncomfortable. I respect my discomfort, and so won't experiment or try to "push through it" (why would I? that's essentially trying to convert myself, which we know people can do. Remember how people are in prisons? When at sea for a long time?). But true love is hard to find. If another man enters my life and he's everything I want in a partner, and he's willing to be patient and understanding with me sexually (I do think it would take a while to learn enjoyment with ######), then I wouldn't turn him away. I would still, however, acknowledge that men come at a much higher social price -- given the fallout with family and even myself -- than women do. Especially with that being considered, it's clear in my mind that I prefer women (even if I'm not totally closed off to the idea of men). Do you know what they call preferring women when you're a man? Heterosexuality. At _most_ I'm "heteroflexible" -- which is increasingly common, given the values of the 21st century.

Sixth, I came to terms with my femininity (I have a lot of feminine and masculine qualities, and one of the reasons I started getting paranoid was that so many have assumed I'm bi). Remember, "masculine" and "feminine" are cultural, not sexual or genetic. With the exclusion of obvious things like childbirth and building muscle mass, we're physically and emotionally very similar. I'm allowed to be however feminine I am. ######, there's "metrosexual" people out there who act completely gay but still come home to women. Femininity doesn't determine my sexuality.

Seventh, I worked out other stressors in my life. Once I calmed down on this area, I started dealing with some other issues I've been having with work and school. Once I'd worked through those things, my own emotions came through more clearly -- and it was apparent that the reason I wasn't feeling super attracted to women lately had nothing to do with being attracted to men (I wasn't). I was just distracted -- and that's okay! Also, after calming down, I had sex with a girl who I care about and really enjoyed the experience -- since I'd stopped worrying about whether or not I was enjoying it -- and had it confirmed that I am, yes, straight. But that can't come if you're freaked out about it. Attraction is an _emotion_, not a thought. If you're clogging up your emotion with worry while trying to capture it analytically, you can't see what's there -- whatever it is.

Eighth, I had a blunt conversation with this girl about the sexual paranoia. I said, "I think I'm straight." She said, "Yeah, I think you're straight too." It was such a relief just to hear it from someone else. I needed it just to calm my nerves, I think! But people are more understanding, open, and on the same page as you than you realize they are. If you're looking for reassurance, try to find people you can turn to.

Anyway, I feel really good about where I'm at with all of this. I hope some of these ideas and factoids help!

Cheers,

Seta

I had these thoughts and I still rarely have them, but i learned throughout the years how to relax, i took up yoga on a daily basis, which is great beacause yoga is for the mind and it relaxes the whole body as well therefore anxiety is harder to get into your system, i also meditate, and the most important thing I have learned is called EFT emotional freedom technique, youtube.com type eft for negative thoughts , eft is the way to go, not the meds thay simply don t work,

#88 dave18

dave18

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts

Posted 04 June 2011 - 02:20 PM


I'm 19 and have literally started to get similar thoughts. Literally a few months after I turned 19 I saw a T.V. show and I started thinking what if I did that or wanted to and I havnt been able to get the thought out of my mind since. I've been to the doctor and theyre saying they cant find a shrink for me at the mo on the NHS and I cant really afford private. I have so much support from family but I can only tell them how the thoughts make me feel and that I dont want them, but not what they are actually about. I get thoughts about literally anything or anyone too, but when its my family or even kids I feel sick to my stomach and I dont know what to do. Im not suicidal or anything like that, but I need someone to talk to, and I really thought I was alone in all this.


I'm 21 and started having thoughts around six months ago. At first I found it easier to shrug the thoughts off and carry on. But as of late the thoughts have been much stronger and more pesistant. I googled obsessive thoughts and found it really comforting to not be the only person who had them. One question I did have is how people go to the doctor and tell them about the thoughts. They are completely sickening to me and I don't think I could bring myself to tell them to someone else; even my family that I have them. I've started recently to feel like a failure because I can't shift these thoughts and was going to call my GP and ask for help but didn't know what I could say.... :(

ok the only reason i am posting beacuase i like to help, i am 31 and when i was 21 the thoughts started, had depression beacuase of it for 2 years, but then i got help, I STARTED WITH YOGA, YOGA IS GREAT FOR THE MIND, AND IT REDUCES ANXIETY, THEN I LEARNED TO MEDITATE TO QUITE THE MIND, BUT WHAT I RECOMMEND THE MOST IS EFT EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE, EFT GOOGLE EFT, I GO TO A EFT COACH, BUT I ALSO USE YOUTUBE.COM JUST TYPE EFT FOR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND THE LADY WITH THE BLACK HAIR SHE IS REALLY GOOD, SO DO THIS VIDEO ABOUT SAY 4 TIMES IN A ROW, THEN GO ON WITH YOUR DAY, AND THE THOUGHTS MIGHT BE THERE BUT NOT THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL EFFECT OF THEM, SO IF THERE IS NO EFFECT ON THE NERVOUS SYSTEM THE THOUGHTS START TO LOSE POWER, AND ONCE THEY LOSE POWER THEY SLOWLY GO AWAY, BUT PLEASE TRY EFT AND YOGA, AND IF YOU CAN LEARN TO MEDITATE BETTER YET, LET ME KNOW HOW YOU DID, AND GOOD LUCK, I PROMISE THEY WILL GO AWAY.

#89 richard831

richard831

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 01 July 2011 - 11:44 AM

Well I'm a 22 year old male.and recently I been having these intrusive homosexual thoughts that i never had before happened to.me well it started to happened when I stopped talking to this girl who was bisexual like 3 days after I don't see her as much as I used i would like to but I can't as much now.well these thoughts I have have been in my head and I want to remove them or don't want them.to affect me.I never felt sexually attracted to my own sex or anything.and don't intend to how to I fix this problem r remove these thoughts out of my head they are interfering my head and daily life things.I always considered myself straight I felt and have sexually attractd to women before and still now.I need help ASAP n answers.

Edited by richard831, 01 July 2011 - 11:54 AM.


#90 Thewho

Thewho

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 27 March 2012 - 08:00 PM

Hello, I am 23, shameful thoughts have also plagued my mind as well. I would't consider myself OCD, at least not at an extreme level, maybe I am I do not know for now. But, I have had sexual thoughts about my aunts and cousins, even my grandmother. that last one was really nasty however it was more of a sexual thrill of disgust I guess. I don't usually look at her in that way, however my aunts and cousins I do. it's disturbing, hasn't always been just in my head though, I've masturbated to the thoughts before. afterwards I am full of regret and shame, what would give me these thoughts and impulses? Is it some cognitive or thought problem in my head, are some people just born with attraction to family members while others see the barrier between family relations much clearer? Or is it some supernatural or even religious aspect of it, the Devil, or demon, some sort of ruite of Evil that lurks in all of us and is brought out some way shape or form? I fight it as much as i can, deep down I know I have a good heart and I try to do the right thing, but I slip up and make mistakes, I'm glad its only thoughts and masturbating and not some sicker physical form of obsession. *although masturbating to cousins and aunts is pretty bad* I have had other thoughts and symptoms, but too much has been said already. I would like some help someone to talk to as well for I do not let many people in, ironically though I can talk to people online who can't always see my face much easier. I'd like some help as well and if I can offer some advice to, well as long as it stays in the head and out of the bed, its not harming anyone, your actions make who you are not what you think.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users